Going on One's Own Journey

These days, I am really drawn to books, stories, or videos that feature kings, wizards, and dragons. Anything that has the “Lord of the Rings” vibe to it – the Old English times, magical times, pagan times, maybe even medieval stuff. One common thing that I have noticed in fictions that are of this kind is the “journey” that the protagonists undertake in order to defeat the evil in the end. The journey is not always pleasant; it is very risky, uncomfortable, and requires a lot of strength and sacrifices. More often than not, these people embody very noticeable changes at the end of their journey, and that is because a lot of internal transformations happen to people who are brave enough to take constant risks in life.

My family, especially my father, only wants me inside our house. However, I am so sick of being a house person. Against their wishes, here I am again in another province, trying to find other opportunities to make something of myself (oops don’t react yet – of course I’m still taking baby steps). Our puppy is also very attached to me, and so we all felt bad for the poor animal when I left my hometown just a few days ago. Undoubtedly, my home is a place of comfort for me. It is heaven, with the exception of occasional fights in the family. My Jupiter in the 3rd house is exactly conjunct my IC, and that is why I feel so protected inside our house. Everything is provided for us. I almost feel like a spoiled princess. I am being treated like a princess there while resented at the same time for living like a princess. Our house is so comfortable that something inside me feels uneasy. It says that I should go out of it and go on adventures for myself, or else I will not grow.

Now, here I am in my home that is very far from my true home. I really find it hard to not associate astrology with most of the things that I say but I cannot help it – and I cannot help but agree to the truth of astrology in my life. Like most of my peers, I have Jupiter in Sagittarius (also exactly conjunct my Part of Fortune) which might explain why I find my luck when I am traveling to another place, basically taking risks, learning about other cultures, and not just being stuck in my own little world inside my room. A little voice inside me shouts for freedom, going places and experiencing things while I just eat and sleep and read a book comfortably inside my tower. Like today, I don’t always know what I am going to do (despite being the Virgo Asc who always needs to make lists before doing anything) but I just can’t keep sitting or sleeping for too long. I am already twenty-one – I definitely have to make haste to make something of myself.

Just a few days ago, I ended a one-month relationship with a British Arab who is ten years older than me. I actually thought that he was the one, with his South Node conjuncting my Venus (we are lovers in past life/lives) and my North Node conjuncting his Mars (he encourages me to achieve things in this life). Despite everything being perfect, I know that I would be held back by this relationship since his religion would push me to strip freedom off myself and sink into a traditional female role of taking care of our children for life while he goes out into the world to make money. Living in England in the future was an exciting thing for me, and something that my heart agreed to, but I am not yet ready at this stage and age. Not yet. And I wouldn’t yield to whatever my father plans for my life either. I want to make something of myself. I want to lead myself in the future. I am glad to have people in my life support and make plans for me, but I needed to be self-sufficient. I need to survive in this world without anyone’s help. Perhaps it was because I always depended on people in my past lives, or I lived off other people’s blood and sweat, having my South Node in the 8th house. Living comfortably because other people support me has been my comfort zone. In this life, with my North Node in the 2nd house, I have to learn how to be self-sufficient to be happy. It’s my destiny.

Right now, like an aimless wanderer, I still don’t know where the end point is. It might be an unraveling. It might take time to know. But what my heart wants me to do is to take risks, to believe in myself, and to achieve whatever my soul wants for me. We are all on a journey. Some people just choose to sleep on the road, while some people choose to take slow but deliberate steps like a turtle. May we all find happiness and deep transformations down the road. Namaste. :)


Post a Comment

Powered by Blogger.