The Godfather by Mario Puzo (Quotes)


BOOK I

“Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than government. It is almost the equal of a family. Never forget that. If you had built up a wall of friendships you wouldn’t have to ask me for help.” – Don Vito Corleone

“Don Corleone dismissed this emotional nonsense with a wave of his hand. Among reasonable men problems of business could always be solved.”

“Ah, men understand friendship more than we women.”

“Never get angry,” the Don had instructed. “Never make a threat. Reason with people.” The word “reason” sounded so much better in Italian, ragione, to rejoin. The art of this was to ignore all insults, all threats; to turn the other cheek.

“Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and that’s why they have godfathers.” – Tom Hagen

“He found it inconceivable that a grown man of substance would let such trivialities affect his judgment in an affair business, and one of such importance. In Hagen’s world, in the Corleones’ world, the physical beauty, the sexual power of women, carried not the slightest weight in worldly matters. It was a private affair, except, of course, in matters of marriage and family disgrace.”

“Santino, never let anyone outside the Family know what you are thinking. Never let them know what you have under your fingernails. I think your brain is going soft from all that comedy you play with that young girl. Stop it and pay attention to details. Now get out of my sight.” – Don Vito Corleone

“Why should I be afraid now? Strange people have come to kill me ever since I was twelve years old.” – Don Vito Corleone

Michael stood up. “You’d better stop laughing,” he said. The change in him was so extraordinary that the smiles vanished from the faces of Clemenza and Tessio. Michael was not tall or heavily built but his presence seemed to radiate danger. In that moment he was a reincarnation of Don Corleone himself. His eyes had gone a pale tan and his face was bleached of color. He seemed at any moment about to fling himself on his older and stronger brother. There was no doubt that if he had had a weapon in his hands Sonny would have been in danger. Sonny stopped laughing, and Michael said to him in a cold deadly voice, “Don’t you think I can do it, you son of a bitch?”

Sonny got over his laughing fit. “I know you can do it,” he said. “I wasn’t laughing at what you said. I was laughing at how funny things turn out. I always said you were the toughest one in the Family, tougher than the Don himself. You were the only one who could stand off the old man. I remember you when you were a kid. What a temper you had then. Hell, you even used to fight me and I was a lot older than you. And Freddie had to beat the shit out of you at least once a week. And now Sollozzo has you figured for the soft touch in the Family because you let McCluskey hit you without fighting back and you wouldn’t get mixed up in the Family fights. He figures he got nothing to worry about if he meets you head to head. And McCluskey too, he’s got you figured for a yellow guinea.” Sonny paused and then said softly, But you’re a Corleone after all, you son of a bitch. And I was the only one who knew it. I’ve been sitting here waiting for the last three days, ever since the old man got shot, waiting for you to crack out of that Ivy League, war hero bullshit character you’ve been wearing. I’ve been waiting for you to become my right arm so we can kill those fucks that are trying to destroy our father and our Family. And all it took was a sock on the jaw. How do you like that?” – Santino Corleone

“What the hell do you mean, a rookie? I listened to the old man just as hard as you did. How do you think I got smart?” – Michael Corleone

“He [Mark McCluskey] never took his son around to the storekeepers to collect his money presents for ignoring garbage violations and parking violations; he took money directly into his own hand, direct because he felt he earned it.”

“But he wasn’t indignant about his low pay, he understood that everybody had to take care of themselves.”

“Oh, Christ, Sonny, stop playing the big brother. I’ve been in combat against tougher guys than Sollozzo and under worse conditions. Where the hell are his mortars? Has he got air cover? Heavy artillery? Land mines? He’s just a wise son of a bitch with a big-wheel cop sidekick. Once anybody makes up their mind to kill them there’s no other problem. That’s the hard part, making up your mind. They’ll never know what hit them.” – Michael Corleone

“Tom, don’t let anybody kid you. It’s all personal, every bit of business. Every piece of shit every man has to eat every day of his life is personal. They call it business. OK. But it’s personal as hell. You know where I learned that from? The Don. My old man. The Godfather. If a bolt of lightning hit a friend of his the old man would take it personal. He took my going to the Marines personal. That’s what makes him great. The Great Don. He takes everything personal. Like God. He knows every feather that falls from the tail of a sparrow or however the hell it goes. Right? And you know something? Accidents don’t happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.” – Michael Corleone

“I’ll tell you one thing you didn’t learn from him: talking the way you’re talking now. There are things that have to be done and you do them and you never talk about them. You don’t try to justify them. They can’t be justified. You just do them. Then you forget it.” – Tom Hagen

BOOK II

“Her returning kiss was warm but not passionate and he preferred it that way right now. He hated girls who turned on all of a sudden as if their bodies were motors galvanized into erotic pumpings by the touching of a hairy switch.”

“She understood his hunger for beauty, his irresistible impulse toward young women far more beautiful than she. It was known that he always slept with his movie co-stars at least once. His boyish charm was irresistible to them, as their beauty was to him.”

“You could tell a girl who really liked to fuck and they were always the best. Especially the ones who hadn’t been at it too long. What he really hated were the ones who had started screwing at twelve and were all fucked out by the time they were twenty and just going through the motions and some of them were the prettiest of all and could fake you out.”

“The patio lighting was artfully arranged to flatter feminine faces and skin. These were women Nino had seen on the darkened movie screens when he had been a teenager. They had played their part in his erotic dreams of adolescence. But seeing them now in the flesh was like seeing them in some horrible makeup. Nothing could hide the tiredness of their spirit and their flesh; time had eroded their godhead. They posed and moved as charmingly as he remembered but they were like wax fruit, they could not lubricate his glands.”

“In that moment he understood Nino, why his boyhood singing partner had never become successful, why he was trying to destroy any chance of success now. That Nino was reacting away from all the prices of success, that in some way he felt insulted by everything that was being done for him.”

“Finally somebody had a great idea. The public mating of the two winners, everybody else at the party to be spectators in the stands. The actress was stripped down and the other women started to undress Johnny Fontane. It was then that Nino, the only sober person there, grabbed the half-clothed Johnny and slung him over his shoulder and fought his way out of the house and to their car. As he drove Johnny home, Nino thought that if that was success, he didn’t want it.”

BOOK III

“He never showed anger in any way but bided his time.”

“They found each other congenial. Clemenza was a storyteller; Vito Corleone was a listener to storytellers. They became casual friends.”

Even as a young man, Vito Corleone became known as a “man of reasonableness.” He never uttered a threat. He always used logic that proved to be irresistible.

“But great men are not born great, they grow great, as so it was with Vito Corleone.”

“But even then Vito Corleone was so mature a man that he did not take insult at a threat or become angry and refuse a profitable offer because of it. He evaluated the threat, found it lacking in conviction, and lowered his opinion of his new partners because they had been so stupid to use threats were none were needed. This was useful information to be pondered at its proper time.”

“This of course was not pure Christian charity. Not his best friends would have called Don Corleone a saint of heaven. There was some self-interest in this generosity.”

“Well then I can’t talk to you about how you should behave. Don’t you want to finish school, don’t you want to be a lawyer? Lawyers can steal more money with a briefcase then a thousand men with guns and masks.” – Don Vito Corleone

“Every man has one destiny.” – Don Vito Corleone

“The Don considered the use of threats the most foolish kind of exposure; the unleashing of anger without forethought as the most dangerous indulgence. No one had ever heard the Don utter a naked threat, no one had ever seen him in an uncontrollable rage. It was unthinkable. And so he tried to teach Sonny his own disciplines. He claimed that there was no greater natural advantage in life than having an enemy overestimate your faults, unless it was to have a friend overestimate your virtues.”

BOOK IV

“It pleased him to see the hurt look on her face, the tears springing into her eyes. She might be a daughter of the Great Don but she was his wife, she was his property now and he could treat her as he pleased. It made him feel powerful that one of the Corleones was his doormat.”

“She is my daughter,” he had said, “but now she belongs to her husband. He knows his duties. Even the King of Italy didn’t dare to meddle with the relationship of husband and wife. Go home and learn how to behave so that he will not beat you.” – Don Vito Corleone

“He never used elevators. They were death traps.”

“I had to bat my wife around today, teach her who’s the boss.” – Carlo Rizzi

“…if Sonny intended to kill the man he would never have uttered the threat. He uttered it in frustration because he could not carry it out.”

“Any profession was worthy of respect to men who for centuries earned bread by the sweat of their brows.”

“As a boy, he had been truly tenderhearted. That he had become a murderer as a man was simply his destiny.”

BOOK V

“Their lives and their fortunes depended upon their doing each other services, the denial of a favor asked by a friend was an act of aggression. Favors were not asked lightly and so could not be lightly refused.”

“They are clever enough to make a good living. Why is it so necessary to be more clever than that?” – Don Vito Corleone

“Women and children can afford to be careless, men cannot.” – Don Vito Corleone

“The clan did not ask help from any of the Families or Don Corleone because Felix had refused to ask their help and had to be taught a lesson: that mercy comes only from the Family, that the Family is more loyal and more to be trusted than society.”

“Their passion for each other was of the most elementary kind, undiluted by poetry or any form of intellectualism. It was love of the coarsest nature, a fleshy love, a love of tissue for opposing tissue.”

“Truth telling and medicine just didn’t go together except in dire emergencies, if then.”

BOOK VI

“But something told him this was one of those wild strokes of good fortune that Sicilians always believed in, something told him that his daughter’s beauty would make her fortune and her family secure.”

BOOK VII

“Mothers are like cops. They always believe the worst.” – Michael Corleone

“He understood women and he understood now that Virginia was down because she thought he was having everything his own way. Women really hated seeing their men doing too well. It irritated them. It made them less sure of the hold they exerted over them through affection, sexual custom or marriage ties.”

“Tell him I’m dying. Tell him show business is more dangerous than the olive oil business.” – Nino Valenti

“He sensed something else in the young man: a force cleverly kept hidden, a man jealously guarding his true strength from public gaze, following the Don’s precept that a friend should always underestimate your virtues and an enemy overestimate your faults.”

Why Being Ghosted is a Good Thing (Sometimes)


Once upon a time, I dated a fuckboy.

Of course, without knowing that he was a fuckboy.

I was with my friend and he asked for my number right away. He was handsome so I was flattered and eventually gave him my number after hesitating for a little while. He then disturbed my conversation with my friend and just talked to me. He flooded me with compliments and told me that he liked me a lot. Long story short, he made me feel like he wanted a relationship with me so I started trusting him a little too soon. And the fact that he was handsome and rich made me think that I was finally breaking my pattern of dating parasites, guys whom I am not that attracted to, and guys who get insecure when they’re around me (because back then I thought I didn’t deserve better). He didn’t even start courting me but I already started projecting into the future and assuming that perhaps with him I wouldn’t be miserable in my relationships anymore. But after that “sweet” encounter with him…

He ghosted me and didn’t call me for a week even though he promised to. And because I was that stupid to emotionally invest in him right away, I finally broke the silence after a week and texted him. That’s when we started seeing each other again. After I texted him first.


You already know that he was a fuckboy and that this would not have a happy ending, so I guess one lesson I have learned from this is that whenever you feel like you have to chase him, or talk to him first in order to propel him to do something, he’s not just that into you. There may be many reasons for this, but I learned that when a guy really likes a girl, she wouldn’t even have to do anything. There would be zero effort on her part. Because he is the chaser, and she is the chooser. The feminist movement’s deconstruction of gender roles may confuse us a bit when it comes to relationships, but the masculine (not necessarily male) person would always want to pursue and the feminine (not necessarily female) person would always want to be pursued. In my case, I know I’m the feminine one because I become resentful when I become the pursuer.

When we met for the second (and last) time, I started sensing how detached he was. I couldn’t feel his warmth; I couldn’t feel that he was excited to see me. His eyes looked really detached and he felt like a stranger. I ignored my intuition and started a conversation so I could feel comfortable. I felt really strange with him even though I was attracted to his looks. When he tried getting intimate with me, I refused because he wasn’t even giving me the emotional security that I wanted. I also still didn’t know him that well, and I wanted the security of having a commitment before anything else. When I told him why I refused, he then told me that we wanted different things from each other. He said that he only wanted sex from me and he has been getting it from beautiful women like models, flight attendants, and even foreigners. He said that he only wanted one night stands. I then started to feel disgusted. He led me on only to try to have sex with me. Gago ka, I said. He talked as if he was so handsome and irresistible to women and that it was rare for a girl to refuse him. It was so disgusting that I immediately sensed that his ego was so fragile and he was only using me to feel handsome. We parted ways and never talked to each other again. Eww.


Now how does this relate to ghosting? I used that one example because when he ghosted me, I was thinking that maybe he was just busy, maybe he was only waiting for me to make the first move, or maybe he was only testing me. But the thing is, in my twenty-two years of existence, several ghosting incidents made me realize that there are no excuses for ghosts. Men who ghost you are not that into you, are fuck boys, aren’t looking for anything serious, lied to you about not having a girlfriend, are turned off by something about you, or have suddenly made up with their ex-girlfriends. Being ghosted is surely traumatic and takes a toll on our self-esteem, but I have read somewhere in the comment section of Youtube that being ghosted is a divine gift and I agree with that. It is the universe’s one way of telling you that that man is not the right one for you and that you should stop investing your time, thoughts, and emotions on him. And whenever you feel stupid for being ghosted, remember that the mean and evil person is the ghost for leading you on, for lying to you, and for not telling you what’s going on. The only thing that you can do is to be careful next time and test the person first before investing your time, thoughts, and emotions.

Every time I get ghosted (it’s not as often as you think lol), I could only think of how worthless or unattractive I must be to be taken for granted like that. However, now that I have gotten over them and I can already think clearly, I realized how miserable I would have been if ever I got into relationship with them. Most of them take their education for granted – I only got attracted to their faces but I don’t think they can provide a secure future for me. Some of them don’t even know what they want. They are immature and only want girls in order to prove to themselves that they are attractive. I am not even on the same page as most of them. Now I can feel thankful that I got ghosted because I might have gotten destroyed if ever I let them into my life. And someday, if I meet that person whom I would have my next serious relationship with, I will be able to say thank you to these ghosts in my prayers – because if not for their meanness or bad intentions, I wouldn’t be able to meet someone as awesome as my future boyfriend or husband.

Namaste.

I Was A Model Doing A Catwalk (Dream)


Last night, I dreamt that I was doing a catwalk in a room full of models. I watched the other girls walk and thought to myself that I could do it too. When it was my turn to walk, I felt like my catwalk sways too much and that I didn’t walk really straight. I’m not sure. But the one who looks at our walks didn’t say anything. Another incident happened in the dream which I couldn’t remember, but I went back to the room full of models and tried to be a model.

I wasn’t thinking of modeling last night, so I asked my favorite psychic Lawrence, what could that mean?

While I was waiting for his e-mail reply, I googled possible meanings and these are what I have found:


Model
To dream of being [a] fashion model represents your awareness of yourself doing something better than others all the time. Being a perfect example of “positiver” behavior. Being noticed for doing something the best way. Portraying certain image to others. Negatively, a model may reflect narcissism.Alternatively, a model may reflect your view of someone else that you are noticing is doing something better than you are. You may be striving for something that’s unrealistic. Your idea of beauty. (Dream Bible)

Model Dream Interpretation and Meaning
Did you dream of models last night? Leggy blonds with high fashion on their minds? If so, you might be overly concerned with your own appearance. You may be dreaming of the models because you are worried about what other people think of you. Perhaps you lack self-confidence in the face you are presenting to the world; you are concerned with how others perceive you and what they think.While the model strutting her stuff down the runway might be trying to show you your concern with your appearance, her appearance in your dreams can also mean that you are worrying too much. Concern yourself less with what everyone else thinks and learn to be happy with yourself and your choices. Realize too, that everyone else is more concerned with what YOU think of THEM, and probably barely notice you. (Sleep Culture)

Model Dream Meaning
To dream of a model, foretells your social affairs will deplete your purse, and quarrels and regrets will follow. For a young woman to dream that she is a model or seeking to be one, foretells she will be entangled in a love affair which will give her trouble through the selfishness of a friend. (Dream Mean)

Catwalk
To see or dream that you are walking a catwalk represents your new found confidence. It may also mean that you enjoy being the center of attention. You are being recognized for your talents or creativity. Alternatively, the dream could mean that you are using your appearance to get your way. You need to start looking within yourself. (Dream Moods)

Catwalk
To see or dream that you are walking a catwalk signifies that you have faith in yourself and your abilities. Perhaps you want people to notice and admire you. It may also mean that others appreciate your efforts and are aware of your originality and individuality. (Dream Forth)


After just a few hours, I received my reply from my psychic, and this was his insight:

Lawrence: Hi
It means you’re competing against others, and judging yourself on how you are doing rather than letting the judges judge you. A part of you wants to be famous and wants to make sure you’re on top of the list being watched so you’re trying to be perfect.
I would still work in the travel industry if you can.
L


What he said really made sense. Right now I’m trying so hard to gain weight and have perfect skin because of the strict requirements of the job that I am trying to get after I graduate. And my mom is already pressuring me to get a job, any kind of job (even those jobs that I don’t like) because the people around me are already making money while here I am, still stuck on being a student. Perhaps I was unconsciously trying to compete or whatever, but what I am sure of is that I am very critical of myself (esp. physically) right now. He advised me to still try having the job in the travel industry because I am feeling lost and sometimes I feel like giving up on that job. And yes, part of me wants to be something like an actress, but it’s too out of my reach. I don’t know. I really don’t want to reveal it but now you know. Ciao :D

My Deceased Grandmother Looks after Me.


How did I know? It came from my intuition and some external signs and confirmations of this. :)

I felt a huge amount of guilt when my grandmother died. She didn’t want me to go to college in a faraway place because she just wanted me to be by her side. She became weaker when my grandfather died three years ago before she did, and by then I felt that she became emotionally dependent on me too. I was the grandchild whom she showered her love to. Because she was old, she was definitely lonely, so it was understandable why an old person would become emotionally and physically dependent to someone like a grandchild who tries to spend time with them. So right after the plane I was boarding on departed, she died. It was as if she chose to die at that exact moment so her spirit could go along with me.

Nobody in the family mentioned that I was her favorite grandchild, but everybody can feel it. They know. I know. I just don’t boast about it because they don’t like that attitude and they don’t care anyway. My grandmother always looked for me when she needed assistance. She also showered me with gifts, money, and things that she has used before, like her silver watch for example. When I try to be there for her, she tried to pay me back sevenfold. She just reeks of love, just like most grandmothers. She has touched my life so much that I would probably choose to reincarnate with her in my next lifetime. And she was also probably my only relative whom I had deep connections with.

During my first year in college, it was hard for me to adjust to the cultural and language differences. Some people around me didn’t like me so they backstabbed me and whatever, they made my freshman year hard for me but it was fun nonetheless. I got lots of awards and recognitions for making people laugh whenever I do acting. I also entertain people there through singing. People knew me as the characters that I play every time. During my freshman year, I tried to prettify myself that people who knew me before (like my classmates during grade school and high school) were shocked and almost didn’t recognize me. Some said that there were also some changes in my aura. Lots of positive things happened to me after my grandmother died that I just thought that maybe she was helping me in some way. I knew she was, for she was beautiful in her youth and she has excellent social skills. Those were the same things that brought me luck from then on.

And about two years ago, I found myself reading the Channeling Erik blog. I read the very first blogs of Elisa. I found myself crying since I remember my deceased grandma and I could sympathize. On one of the earliest blog posts there, I commented something like “I hope my grandmother looks after me too,” to which Elisa Medhus (Erik Medhus’s beautiful mother, and the author of that blog) replied, “I bet she is!” My soul lightened up after that comment, and I took that as a sign.

There were also some instances where birds would be trapped inside my small room and big black moths or butterflies would go near me. I often comfort myself thinking that my grandma was visiting me through these birds and insects. But then just seven months ago, I found my mosquito net folded nicely in the middle of my bed. Nobody was home, I just came home at that time, and there was no way that I had folded my own mosquito net since I was in a rush to go out to process some documents for my passport. I was the one who left the house last and the first to come home. The only living thing left in the house was the puppy. I asked my family who could have done it, but all of them really denied it. My mother and I thought that perhaps it was my grandmother.

Now, just a few weeks ago, I watched Gigi Young’s video entitled “5 Facts AboutSpirit Guides.” I commented something like this: “I don’t know if this is my intuition or just my wishful thinking, but I think my grandmother has been helping me since she died.” Gigi Young responded to my comment with something along the lines of: “Absolutely. Our deceased relatives sometimes act as our spirit guides.” Gigi was an intuitive, but her response to my comment was not really a psychic reading. I actually took it as a sign! Both Elisa and Gigi agreed to my comments regarding my assumptions that my grandmother looks after me and that was just too much of a coincidence. It was indeed a confirmation. Now I know for sure that her presence is with me even though I don’t see it. Our intuition doesn’t fail us, really. :)

Namaste.

And I miss you so much, Lola. 

White Teeth (Dream)


Me: Hi Lawrence! Last night I dreamt that my teeth were white and I was so pleased to see my smile. In real life I have yellow teeth. What could this mean?

Lawrence: Hi
It means you’re taking better care of your health
Keep it up
No smoking around you please
L

My Dreams about Dogs


Me: Hi Lawrence! Sorry for disturbing you but these days I had two dreams about dogs.

Last week, I dreamt about a dog that is very annoying, and it really wants to play with me, or just annoy me, and I keep throwing that puppy away but it keeps coming back in every possible way, still annoying as ever. It wasn’t a cute puppy; it’s really irritating. But then some kind of situation required me to be a bit calmer or something, maybe someone was passing by (I couldn’t remember), so I had no choice but to let that puppy be with me. The puppy suddenly became calm and cute when I was petting it.

Last night, I dreamt about my sister’s puppy. It was playing with me. We were just playing happily. I thought that maybe I just missed that dog that’s why I had a dream about it. It was larger than before. I texted by sister about it and she said that the dog has indeed become bigger and taller.

Do any of them mean anything significant? Is a dog related to a friend or something? Thanks a lot! :))

Lawrence: Ruff ruff
Dreaming of the dog is finding someone to love you unconditionally.
It would be great if you really had a dog or any pet to love and love you back.
You may not be into animals but they’re into you.
Best
Lawrence

Being Comfortable around Women

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Being with women makes me feel safe. I guess it’s because I have totally come to terms with my own divine femininity. Also, it’s partly because I have become a feminist over the years, and I have learned to appreciate women’s beauty as a sex. Whenever I travel or commute alone, I want another female passenger to sit beside me. Feeling their feminine essence just comforts me, and I also feel like they’d protect me from the nastiness of the patriarchal society – because whenever male passengers sit beside me, they almost always attempt to sexually harass me (I know you can relate, girls *wink*). They’d usually stare at women with hungry eyes, try to feel their boobs “accidentally,” grope their legs, or even whisper dirty things to their ears. There are just so many chauvinists and ignorant males that lurk everywhere that even those males who look rich, proper, educated, and handsome still take advantage of every woman they set their eyes on in order to blast their contained sperm out.

Honestly, I have only felt totally comfortable around women starting last year. In the earlier months of 2016, I tried forgetting about myself sometimes and avoiding being so self-absorbed. When I did that, bit by bit, my female friends started telling me about their own troubles. Sometimes they even ask for my advice which felt great, because they were making me feel like I am a dependable friend. I started attracting more females in most of my human interactions, when in the past most people who talk to me were males (I was really addicted to romantic relationships back then). When I have begun to accept that life is not all about me, me, me, and I started to try looking at the world through the eyes of my gorgeous female friends, I recognized myself through them. We go through the same things, we feel the same emotions, we have the same needs, and we are all descendants of Lilith and Eve. Only a woman can truly, madly, and deeply understand another woman.

Is it weird that I have only become truly at peace with women and with my own femininity last year? Even though it took me so many years, I am glad that I have finally fully appreciated the divine feminine. Growing up, most girls are taught to compete with other girls (admit it or not) especially when it comes to their beauty, elegance, and attractiveness to the opposite sex. There would always be drama, jealousy, and competition around (immature) women. I know that for centuries, or maybe millennia, it has been that way for women. The patriarchal society pushes women to be that way. In order to secure the best life for herself, a woman must be the most beautiful, so she may be picked by Prince Charming, or whoever is the richest or most powerful man in town. Through the years, women have always been competing for male attention and affection because the patriarchal society mainly values women for their beauty and desirability – that instead of uniting with one another, women see other women as their rivals.

Personally, I was raised in that way also. I was in an unresolvable conflict with my own mother for so many years, and I have always been compared and belittled because of my younger sister. Growing up, I battled for the attention that my younger sister always gets. I didn’t really know why that is. I have almost always finished every grade as the valedictorian in grade school, but the attention was still on my sister. She was still the “better” one. The favored one. Why? The way I see it, it’s because she is popular in school and people just see her as prettier. Some people would even get surprised that we were actually biological sisters. I’ve tried achieving everything that I can, mostly of academic nature, but I still lost to her just because she is popular. Not to brag, but when I went to college and started grooming myself because I have more money now, I became evidently prettier and she even admits to it. For a few years, I took all the glory because of my physical appearance. I was showered more attention by my relatives. Now that I have compensated for my childhood wounds and my petty sibling rivalry with my sister, I started caring less about competition. People’s opinions and comparisons of us did not matter anymore. Being pretty and gaining attention because of it did not make me happy. It didn’t even make me “better” than her. As I was so preoccupied with how I appear to other people, she just went on with her life with her micro-business and achievements in school. I realized that she was so wise for just focusing on herself and her goals of success. It’s not about competing with other women. Because your only competitor is yourself.

I only have one sibling, who is my sister, and that made the comparisons of other people worse. However, life gave me a sister for a reason. I had to grow up with her so I can realize the harsh realities that women live in, and also so I can overcome dark tendencies of women towards each other like envy, insecurity, and competition. I also had to learn how to truly love women and empathize with them as we are all the same deep down. Getting on this stage of great love, acceptance, and compassion for women was not an easy journey. I’ve had conflicts with female friends and acquaintances especially during my puberty age, but that was because they were reflecting my dark sides and attitudes towards women before. Now that I can see almost all women (and even feminine gay men) as my sisters, for they all possess a woman’s soft heart, I now find myself in zero conflict against another woman. They are my source of comfort, and I am always here to comfort them anytime. As my relationships with my sister and my mother were healed, I eventually found myself having greater compassion for other women as well.

All women are very wonderful creatures – and I am very genuine in saying this, because I have found out that no matter if a certain woman is my friend or not, I can still sense the softness and vulnerability in her, her nurturing and giving nature, her beauty, her innocence – and I am talking about the inner nature of a woman, not just the fragility of her body or her external beauty. Women are so receptive and open that they are able to listen to your troubles for hours and immediately offer you a calming solution, which is a hug. They can just give and give and give, and be happy while doing it. They love to look beautiful, and make the world around them also beautiful. They are designed to be soft and passive, externally and internally, as if they remind the world that not all problems in the world can be solved by aggression. Sometimes all it takes is gentleness, acceptance, and a smile. Women (and even gay men) are wonderful and beautiful in that way. Therefore, instead of competing, women can just support one another beautifully, gracefully, and lovingly. J

Beauty Goals (2017 - 2018)

In order to reach our dreams, our dream jobs, and become the best versions of ourselves, there are just some physical changes and adjustments needed. It is no-brainer that we need internal resources like skills, education, intelligence, confidence, and inner beauty to really be capable in handling jobs, but let’s face it – the physical and visual impact is also a necessity. It definitely gives us an advantage. Being aesthetically pleasing helps us give off a better first impression to the employers.

However, there are just some jobs in the world, especially those that have to deal with people, which require us to be almost flawless. In order to get those dream jobs, we sometimes have to make sacrifices, especially if we have thousands of competitors for a single slot. For people like me with too many physical flaws, or are not genetically blessed, this is a great challenge (lol). But on the brighter side, aiming for these kinds of jobs can push us to be the greatest and the most beautiful versions of ourselves.

In my preparation for my applications for my dream job next year (after I graduate, hopefully), the following are my own beauty goals:

#1: Outgrow My Hair, Bring Back Natural Hair Color (Black)


I have been dyeing my hair for the past four years that it’s no surprise that my locks have become so dry and ugly now. And regarding the company that I am targeting to work for, I heard that they want a natural hair color. My best friend, who is also dyeing her hair brown like me, told me that people (or perhaps Filipinos, rather) look more professional with their natural black hair color, and that most employers would consider those with unnatural hair dyes as less serious in applying for their jobs. I agree with her, since the seriousness that the black hair color brings to a person’s aura adds to the impression of professionalism that they give off. And in addition to the visual professionalism that I am aiming for, bringing back my natural black hair color would make my hair healthier and shinier.

#2: Gain Weight (6 – 10 kilograms)


I am UNDERWEIGHT. *cries* Yes, and I have been underweight ever since I was a kid. Aside from being short, I also struggle to retain fats in my body because I have a very fast metabolism. I am just naturally thin and I don’t gain weight no matter how much I eat. But since my dream job requires applicants to have their weight proportionate to their height, meaning having a normal Body Mass Index (BMI), I still have to gain at least ten kilograms. I don’t even know if I can achieve this because my very fast metabolism is against me. To do this, I plan to gain more muscles through exercise, regularly eat breakfast, eat snacks all the time, and always have extra rice on my plate. Turning my piggy mode on, I hope I can have a normal BMI in a year.

#3: Gain At Least Two Inches in Height


For me to get accepted in my dream job, I need to be at least 160 cm or 5’3”. I am currently 155 cm or 5’1”. Ever since I was a child, I have always been short. My legs are short. And I am the shortest one in my family. Both of my parents are 5’4”, so I think I may still have a chance even though I am already 21. I only need to have extra two inches in my height in order to get accepted in my dream job and that really stresses me out. Therefore, in order to be taller by a few centimeters and reach 5’3”, these are my plans: daily pituitary gland meditation, daily stretching (yoga, jumping rope, etc.), taking vitamins and growth supplements, and drinking milking twice a day. With persistence, I hope I can reach my desired height within a year.

#4: Terminate Acne, Aim for a Clear Complexion


My dream job is strict with regards to having flawless skin. I have no problems regarding leg scars, but I have lots of pimple scars on my face. Since this job regularly deals with people, applicants should have a clear face with NO acne. I have struggled with acne since I was eleven years old until now because I keep on picking my pimples and both of my parents have suffered from terrible acne. But with proper diet, exercise, regular liver detoxes, regular changing of pillow cases, and a little help from a dermatologist I know I can achieve a flawless face eventually. Also, I have to be wary of some products that make my skin breakout. And the most important of all, I must discipline myself to NOT touch my face no matter what.

#5: Gym Membership


Two years ago, when I became a gym member for a month, I gained three or four kilos. Of course, that is combined with eating breakfast daily and always having extra rice. However, I gave up after a month because I find it hard to balance going to the gym and passing heavy units of college subjects – so eventually, I went back to being underweight. Stress can really make people lose weight. I now plan to be persistent in going to gym almost daily in order to gain more muscle mass and make my body ideal for my dream job.

#6: Buy Makeup, Learn How to Apply


For my dream job, a flawless makeup application on the face is always a requirement – and that is one of the things that make me excited about it. The females of my dream career always pride themselves on being beautiful and glamorous girls. I somehow associate this job with being a geisha. It requires a lot of training, a lot of sacrifices and self-discipline, also natural beauty, charm, and dealing with people. Geishas look a bit unreachable and mysterious, just like the females of my dream career. Since I have always been attracted to the beauty field, I might as well pursue this job because of additional benefits of adventure, big salary, and freedom.

I listed them all in this blog for you to read and for it to remind me of what to always and persistently do. I hope my list inspired you to make your own beauty goals. Ciao!
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