I Passed the Civil Service Exam!

The results came out more than two weeks ago, but I neither have the time nor the energy to write my excitement about it. It is a big deal here to pass the Civil Service Exam in just one take because it shows just how capable you are. It is a requirement for employment in the Philippine government; the passers are definitely preferred over those who are not.


Anyway, I couldn’t benefit from it right away because I am still a college student who isn’t able to graduate on time. I guess this is just one way of investing for my future. Just minutes ago I watched a documentary film about Kate Moss. I wasn’t dreaming of being a supermodel since I don’t have the height and confidence, but somehow I like their punk and external perfection. Having beauty gives you confidence and a nice impression which can also make employers hire you. I don’t know yet what will happen to me but the future became clearer and clearer with each setback and triumph like passing this exam. To be honest, I still don’t know what would become of me but I am clear in my desire of looking better. Just looking better – not necessarily the best-looking. Beauty and being surrounded by beauty just makes me happy.

My two girlfriends and I just started studying for this exam a week before. We had exactly seven days to prepare; good thing there are available reviewers from bookstores and the internet. None of what we have studied came out in the exam since the reviewers only teach you patterns of how to think during the examination. The easiest for me was the vocabulary and grammar, while the hardest for me was mathematics. Being a Literature and History major, I am less exposed to math than the other examinees so I was really worried that math would make me fail. Luckily it didn’t!

Passing the admission test for the university that I am in now is deemed the hardest in this country; that fact alone makes me and my schoolmates very proud. The Civil Service Exam is the first eligibility (?) examination I have taken in five years, and I have passed it easily, so I wonder whether I am capable or I am just lucky. I’d like to believe that it’s both. Or maybe this experience only proves that endurance and a strong willpower is enough to get everything that we want.

Now I just have to be clear in the direction that I want to take because the only thing that keeps me from achieving my dreams and being independent is that I am so lost. And I just want to be lost for a while because I don’t know what I want anymore. I’d like to partly blame the schools and universities for this because too much structure, rigidity, and restriction can make people lose themselves. Starting this January, I’d take a few months off from school in order for me to reflect long enough about the life or career that I want for myself. Kate Moss’ experience is ideal, Britney Spears too, but I don’t know. That’s just too high and idealistic. I’ve got to prepare for other things like graduation because right now I already have the eligibility for government jobs (just in case I got lost again and I just want money to survive). Namaste!

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