Detox December - Hibernation Mode


Warning: Lots of direct quotations ;)

When November started this year, it’s like my life took a complete turn. I was expecting to graduate next year but then the circumstances did not allow me. Looking from a higher perspective, of course it was not a tragic accident. It was as if the etheric forces conspired to give me a lesson to make me realize that I am not a little girl anymore. I have aging parents and my peers already have jobs while here I am, still stuck in a limbo. The universe knows that I value my freedom so much but I wouldn’t really get it unless I graduate and find a means to make money. If you look at it astrologically, I turned 21 on October 17 and transiting Uranus currently makes an opposition to my Sun which is a factor in why such a sudden change in my life occurred. Also, transiting Saturn makes a square to my natal Saturn. According to the astrologer Wayman Stewart in his blog AstrologyArena,
“…the Saturn square Saturn transit that occurs when you’re around 21 years old and 51 years old. These transits are heavy, in a manner that can rival your actual Saturn Return. In fact, they occur only several years before your Saturn Return. That’s why I like to think of them as ‘pre-Saturn Return’. Things are going to occur in your life that will seriously test you and make you question if you’re living the life you’re supposed to be living and what you can do about that.”
“I think, if most people look back on that age, they will be able to recall some experiences that truly shook them up or changed them. As I said, this transit is a preparation for one’s first Saturn Return…This pre-Saturn Return happens in order for you to begin straightening you out. The Saturn square Saturn transit when you’re 21-22 is your first wake-up call to why you’re here and what you’re supposed to achieve. Given the age that this transit occurs, it makes perfect sense because we are now beginning the entry into adulthood during this time.”

These kinds of information became readily available to me right after I cried because of the incident, and lots of number synchronicities like 11:11 followed for several days. Saturn is definitely shaking me at this point. Saturn is also transiting my 4th house of home, and here I am in my house, alone, refusing to ever go out. Saturn did not constrict me into the four walls of this house – I did. I wanted this. I refuse every offer to go out. Whether it’s from friends or potential lovers, I have rejected them all. It feels like I’m cleaning out dead wood in my system and I am subtly cutting off my connections with some people who do not really care about me at all. I am mostly talking about my high school “friends”. We are friends because of companionship; but our friendship, as far as I am concerned, is not deep enough. Several months ago, I consulted my psychic regarding them, because I got so angry for feeling that they don’t really care about me and this is what he said:
Hi Anthea, I checked it out:You’re right, they really don’t care that much if you show up or not. This is the wrong crowd for you. I wouldn’t go to the functions at all; I would skip and relax and do some things for yourself instead. Read books more, exercise more, stay away from negative people. If I was there I’d take you to lunch and talk about it. :) Let me know if I helped. Lawrence

I am now at this period in my life wherein I am starting to care about what other people think about me less – because what they think of me, whether positive or negative, wouldn’t contribute to my success or happiness anyway. I just would like to have less superficiality in my life, less pretensions, especially within myself. For a few years I have already fooled some of them enough into thinking that I am living a somehow superstar life for being prettier and studying at a good school. But the thing is, image is very superficial. It is not everything. I am very comfortable in being alone and I guess I’d choose to be alone for a while. I dislike superficial relationships at this point. I am looking for something really serious which lasts for a lifetime.

Also, I am choosing to be a hermit starting now not because I have lost too much self-confidence because of what happened to me. It’s just that I am in the process of trying to pick myself up and I wouldn’t want any disturbances or annoyances at the moment. I want them to let me take a rest like a caterpillar in a cocoon, so I could develop myself into something independent, liberated, and useful to the world. This is my Detox December. I start to have ten hours of sleep again, I did another liver flush session to clean my internal self, pampering my dyed hair with hair treatment and vitamins, putting on castor oil religiously for my dandruff and eyelashes, and I am doing a series of chemical peels to my skin in order to cleanse and brighten my complexion. When this becomes successful, I promise you, my family, and all the spirits around me that I would go out without makeup daily. My mother has been distressed that for the past three or four years, I did not let other people see me without makeup. She said that it’s making my face dirtier and have regular acne. I’m glad I have found bravery to do a chemical peel to my face. After this, I will surely whiten my armpits in a salon. This may seem very superficial of me to focus on my physical appearance during my hibernation mode, but this is my way of building up my self-value (2nd house). I have both Libra, Venus, and Sun in my 2nd house which is why I value beauty a lot. I think one of the purposes I have in this current life is to fully understand and experience what beauty is.

And speaking of the 2nd house, it is also the house of money and finances. The 2nd house is ruled by Taurus. This year, my progressed moon became Taurus and it will stay like that until perhaps mid-2018. When my progressed moon was in Aries, all that I cared about was being the star and appearing perfect and confident in front of other people. Now that my progressed moon is in Taurus, the circumstances forced me to plan or take actions on how I could create stability and self-sufficiency for myself. I started to lie low in having relationships and socializing with people and I began hiding in my shell again, doing my own thing. I just don’t like taking dynamic actions again. At this point, I am already tired. I need to rest. I have to disconnect from everybody while building myself up again. I am not a loser. People who know me well know that. It’s not my personality. I fall and make mistakes but I move on and do my thing. And to end this talk, I would just like to say that inaction is a part of the manifestation process. We have to stop once in a while when things don’t already work the way we wanted it. And these quotes are from Gigi Young, from her video “Manifestation Tips & Tricks005: Create Your Own Gravity”:
“The way that we approach life – the way that we approach achieving our goals, achieving our dreams, manifestation – is very, very masculine-oriented. It’s all on action, and planning, and just even mind-made techniques that are processes that are kind of we feel like we’re figuring things out, but that’s more of an objective of control rather than simply aligning. So this masculine way of doing things, or this more aggressive way of doing things, kind of more about control way of doing things have become commonplace...”
“Working hard is awesome, when you actually have a focus that is in alignment with you. But when you’re actually in a place of alignment, you actually need the smallest amount of physical action to achieve great results because everything is so in alignment. If you’re grinding really hard, if you’re pushing really hard and nothing’s really coming, then you need to really re-examine where your focus is in. You need to go back more to a more feminine energy.”
“In reality, we’re ignoring this feminine aspect of ourselves that allows things to come. And we feel like things don’t come, and that [it’s] out there and we need to perceive that everything’s external – it actually creates this chasing paradigm where everything is kind of external and you have to go get it so you’re separate from it, and you have to go and get it. If you have that paradigm, even subconsciously because it’s given to us in society, you will always be chasing something. Something will always be eluding you. As long as you think something’s external and outside of you, it can’t really integrate. The truth is that everything’s internal, everything is already inside of us – and we’re just aligning with it and it comes.”

Lastly…
“And at the end of the day, it’s really important to keep in mind that having more money, having a better job, a relationship, whatever it is that you’re wanting, is going to add more complexity and responsibility to your life. You want a bigger life? That’s gonna be more complexity for you. More responsibility. Your higher self is not going to give you more when you’re already burnt out and having difficulty managing what you already have. That’s huge. If you’re super stressed, and you want more, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.”

I was already so burnt out from my other major subjects that the circumstances have forced me to remove one very important subject and rest for a few months in order to regain my balance. For the time being, I wouldn’t tire or stress myself out and just focus on improving out of other people’s sight. And when I got what I wanted, and made my own money, I wouldn’t need recognition anymore. What is important is that my family is satisfied of what I am becoming, and that I am happy with what I am developing into. Going into hibernation mode is very important for me, but I will not neglect this blog. My inner child would go crazy without a platform for her thoughts. Namaste! 

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