A Woman Put a Curse on Me (Dream)

Me: I had a really scary dream last night. My friend (Angel) and I were riding in a tricycle and it was nighttime. We were with other female passengers. My friend warned me about strangers trying to touch you without permission because sometimes they put a curse on you and you don’t know it. I was very wary of one passenger and when I caught her trying to touch me, I avoided her so much while being shocked. The other passengers were shocked too, and since she was caught she just cursed me openly. She said I would have three ears. I am not sure, but it’s something about my ears. The female passengers froze and just stared. My friend couldn’t help me, and was avoiding the situation. I was screaming at her because of that.

Lawrence: A woman trying to touch you that you didn’t know might mean that women find you attractive and maybe turned on by you. I know you’re not into women, but that doesn’t mean women aren’t into you. It’s not a bad dream at all. Best x

Papa Is Dying (Dream)

Me: When I was having my menstruation this December, I just slept the whole day for a few days. I was really unproductive. In one afternoon slumber, I dreamt that there were two groups. The other group took my father away and it was their fault that he was dying. They couldn’t use him for competition because he is fighting for his life on his deathbed. For several days they kept him there, curing him, but I knew that he was going to die. He was dying but they kept on curing him. They were stubborn. And that is all I can remember.

Lawrence: Hi Anthea. Your father dying might be that he has health issues in the future, and medical people are taking care of him. Maybe he needs to go in for a physical check-up and do blood work to make sure he is okay. The dream could mean other things, too. Like if your father wasn’t here you would be independent but bringing him back from his deathbed can mean he still has control over you. Again it can mean many things. 

I Passed the Civil Service Exam!

The results came out more than two weeks ago, but I neither have the time nor the energy to write my excitement about it. It is a big deal here to pass the Civil Service Exam in just one take because it shows just how capable you are. It is a requirement for employment in the Philippine government; the passers are definitely preferred over those who are not.

Anyway, I couldn’t benefit from it right away because I am still a college student who isn’t able to graduate on time. I guess this is just one way of investing for my future. Just minutes ago I watched a documentary film about Kate Moss. I wasn’t dreaming of being a supermodel since I don’t have the height and confidence, but somehow I like their punk and external perfection. Having beauty gives you confidence and a nice impression which can also make employers hire you. I don’t know yet what will happen to me but the future became clearer and clearer with each setback and triumph like passing this exam. To be honest, I still don’t know what would become of me but I am clear in my desire of looking better. Just looking better – not necessarily the best-looking. Beauty and being surrounded by beauty just makes me happy.

My two girlfriends and I just started studying for this exam a week before. We had exactly seven days to prepare; good thing there are available reviewers from bookstores and the internet. None of what we have studied came out in the exam since the reviewers only teach you patterns of how to think during the examination. The easiest for me was the vocabulary and grammar, while the hardest for me was mathematics. Being a Literature and History major, I am less exposed to math than the other examinees so I was really worried that math would make me fail. Luckily it didn’t!

Passing the admission test for the university that I am in now is deemed the hardest in this country; that fact alone makes me and my schoolmates very proud. The Civil Service Exam is the first eligibility (?) examination I have taken in five years, and I have passed it easily, so I wonder whether I am capable or I am just lucky. I’d like to believe that it’s both. Or maybe this experience only proves that endurance and a strong willpower is enough to get everything that we want.

Now I just have to be clear in the direction that I want to take because the only thing that keeps me from achieving my dreams and being independent is that I am so lost. And I just want to be lost for a while because I don’t know what I want anymore. I’d like to partly blame the schools and universities for this because too much structure, rigidity, and restriction can make people lose themselves. Starting this January, I’d take a few months off from school in order for me to reflect long enough about the life or career that I want for myself. Kate Moss’ experience is ideal, Britney Spears too, but I don’t know. That’s just too high and idealistic. I’ve got to prepare for other things like graduation because right now I already have the eligibility for government jobs (just in case I got lost again and I just want money to survive). Namaste!

Big Black Birds in Bald Trees (Dream)

Me: I had a very long dream and only the last part is clear. But in the middle of the dream, I was with many people outside, in what seems like a confusing procession because people are scattered in all directions, and I found myself being with a boy or two boys and I even had a crush on one of them. We get along well but I really forgot what happened.

The last part of the dream is when I was roaming around the building where my parents work in. But first, I saw trees outside which were short and bald, and each of the trees had a big, black bird perching there. Anyway, I was wandering around inside the building and then I found three people talking to themselves about how gorgeous the accessories made by one of them are. I saw the earrings, and it was big and square with a cartoon face of a girl and “Sofia Versace” is even written on the earrings. One of them probably got bored and talked to me, and we agreed to look around the place to buy accessories for ourselves.

However, this person I was with named Christina went ahead, probably expecting that I would follow her. However, I saw my father driving his motorcycle below us and he slowly smiled at me. I knew that that smile meant that I had to get in his motorcycle so we can go home together. My father and I went out the building and my friend was already out of sight. I wanted to say to her that I will be going home and shout to her but my parents (mama and papa) prevented me. We were in an area outside where there were bald and short trees with big black birds. My Papa even shooed away one black bird that seems to look like a vulture. But maybe it was a raven. It was just so big. That is all that I can remember.

Lawrence: Hi Anthea. Birds in trees represent freedom because they can fly through the sky and rest in the tree. Your father coming to get you on the motorcycle is a possessive father and one you might want to get away from – but yet you always return to his domain. I don’t know about the boys in the dream, but to me it means moving out of your home in the future. It might be difficult because of always returning to the home. When you do move make sure you don’t move back; be the crow and fly out of your home when you’re ready.

The Education of Little Tree by Forrest Carter (Quotes)

This book is about the childhood of a Native American orphan boy in the 1930’s, raised by his grandparents and by nature. It was so charming and poignant at the same time; I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. While I was reading it, it feels like I was also being educated by the Cherokees. I have written some quotes from the book that I personally want to read from time to time in order to remind myself of some Native American wisdom.

About Man

“A man rises of his own will in the morning.”

“Ol’ Tel-qui is like some people. Since he knows everything, he won’t never look down to see what’s around him. Got his head stuck up in the air too high to learn anything.”

“Granpa had all the natural enemies of a mountain man. Add on to that he was poor without saying and more Indian than not. I suppose today, the enemies would be called ‘the establishment,’ but to Granpa, whether sheriff, state or federal revenue agent, or politician of any stripe, he called them ‘the law,’ meaning powerful monsters who had no regard for how folks had to live and get by.”

“Like Granpa said, ol’ Maud had no smell sense at all and was practical worthless on a fox trail; but she had keen hearing and eyesight, and this gave her something she could do and take pride in knowing she was of worth. Granpa said if a hound or anybody else has got no feeling of worth, then it’s a bad thing.”

“Granpa said he had many’s the time seen that same kind of thing, feelings taking over sense, make as big a fools out of people as it had ol’ Rippit. Which I reckin is so.”

“Granpa said that if there was less words, there wouldn’t be as much trouble in the world. He said privately to me that there was always some damn fool making up a word that served no purpose except to cause trouble. Which is reasonable. Granpa favored the sound, or how you said a word, as to its meaning. He said folks that spoke different words could feel the same thing by listening to the sound of music. Granma agreed with him, because that’s the way they talked to each other.”

“Granma’s name was Bonnie Bee. I knew that when I heard him late at night say, ‘I kin ye, Bonnie Bee,’ he was saying ‘I love ye,’ for the feeling was in the words. And when they would be talking and Granma would say, ‘Do ye kin me, Wales?’ and he would answer, ‘I kin ye,’ it meant, ‘I understand ye.’ To them, love and understanding was the same thing. Granma said you couldn’t love something you didn’t understand; nor could you love people, nor God, if you didn’t understand the people and God.”

“Granpa and Granma had an understanding, and so they had a love. Granma said the understanding run deeper as the years went by, and she reckined it would get beyond anything mortal folks could think upon or explain. And so they called it ‘kin.’”

“Granpa said back before his time ‘kinfolks’ meant any folks that you understood and had an understanding with, so it meant ‘loved folks.’ But people got selfish, and brought it down to mean just blood relatives; but that actually it was never meant to mean that.”

“Granma and Granpa wanted me to know of the past, for ‘If ye don’t know the past, then ye will not have a future. If ye don’t know where your people have been, then ye won’t know where your people are going.’ And so they told me most of it.”

“Far behind them, the empty wagons rattled and rumbled and served no use. The wagons could not steal the soul of the Cherokee. The land was stolen from him, his home; but the Cherokee would not let the wagons steal his soul.”

“And as the Cherokee walked farther from his mountains, he began to die. His soul did not die, nor did it weaken. It was the very young and the very old and the sick.”

“I got pretty wet, splashing in the spring branch, but Granma never said anything. Cherokees never scolded their children for having anything to do with the woods.”

“…Granma said you could easy spot dead people. She said dead people when they looked at a woman saw nothing but dirty; when they looked at other people they saw nothing but bad; when they looked at a tree they saw nothing but lumber and profit; never beauty. Granma said they was dead people walking around.”

“He said it was a funny thing, but when you got old and remembered them you loved, you only remembered the good, never the bad, which proved the bad didn’t count nohow.”

“When ye hear somebody using words agin’ somebody, don’t go by his words, fer they won’t make no damn sense. Go by his tone, and ye’ll know if he’s mean and lying.”

“Granpa said they was only one thing certain. The Indian was not never going to git control. Which appeared not likely.”

“The Indian never fishes or hunts for sport, only for food. Granpa said it was the silliest damn thing in the world to go around killing something for sport. He said the whole thing, more than likely, was thought up by politicians between wars when they wasn’t gittin’ people killed so they could keep their hand in on killing. Granpa said that idjits taken it up without a lick of thinking at it, but if you could check it out – politicians started it. Which is likely.”

“Granma said very few was picked to have the total love of the trees, the birds, the waters – the rain and the wind. She said as long as I lived I could always come home to them, where other children would find their parents gone and would feel lonesome; but I wouldn’t ever be.”

“Once, after we taken our seats, I found a long knife laying where I set. It was as long as Granpa’s and had a deer skin sheath that was fringed. Granma said Willow John gave it to me. That is the way Indians give gifts. They do not present it unless they don’t mean it and are doing it for a reason. They leave it for you to find. You would not get the gift if you didn’t deserve it, and so it is foolish to thank somebody for something you deserve, or make a show of it. Which is reasonable.”

“Granpa said that preachers got so taken up with theirselves that they got the notion they personal held the door handle on the pearly gates and wouldn’t let nobody in without their say-so. Grandpa figgered the preachers thought God didn’t have nothing atall to do with it.”

“He cut loose with the big stick acrost my back. The first time it hurt; but I didn’t cry. Granma had learnt me. Oncet when I stumped off my toenail…she learnt me how the Indian bears pain. He lets his body mind go to sleep, and with his spirit mind, he moves out of his body and sees the pain – instead of feeling the pain.”

About Nature and Animals

“Mon-o-lah, the earth mother, came to me through my moccasins. I could feel her push and swell here, and sway and give there…and the roots that veined her body and the life of the water-blood, deep inside her. She was warm and springy and bounced me on her breast, as Granma said she would.”

“Granpa knew the thinking of the ‘coon too and laughed at his mischievous ways, and swore a solemn oath that on occasion, the ‘coon had laughed at him. He knew where the turkey ran, and could track a bee from water to hive with a look of his eye. He could make the deer come to him, because he knew his curious nature; and he could ease through a covey of quail without stirring a wing. But he never bothered them, except for what he needed and I know they understood.”

“Granma said I would come to know that the old sweet gum tree in my secret place had a spirit too. Not a spirit of humans, but a tree spirit. She said her Pa had taught her all about it.”

“We listened to the birds while we worked. If the birds fly off and the tree crickets stop singing – look out.”

“I bent low to ol’ Ringers face and told him I ‘preciated him looking for me in the mountains, and I was sorry. Ol’ Ringer didn’t mind, he licked my face, letting me know he’d just as soon do it all over again.”

“Everything growing wild is a hundred times stronger than tame things. We pulled the wild onions from the ground and just a handful would carry more flavor than a bushel of tame onions.”

“If a tree has been hanging on, having weathered all the winter winds, She [Mother Earth] figures it needs cleaning out, She whips it up out of the ground and flings it down the mountain. She goes over the branches of every bush and tree, and after She feels around a little with Her wind fingers, then She whips them clean and proper of anything that is weak.”

“Any berries you see the birds don’t eat, you had better not eat.”

“Every bird that comes around your cabin in the mountains is a sign of something. That’s what the mountain folks believe, and if you want to believe you can, for it’s so. I believed. So did Granpa.”

“Birds, just like everything else, know if you like them. If you do, they will come all around you. Our mountains and hollows was filled with birds: mockingbirds and flickers, red-winged blackbirds and indian hens, meadowlarks and chip-wills, robins and bluebirds, hummingbirds and martins – so many that there is no way to tell of them all.”

“Far back in the mountains, we heard two wildcats mating. They sounded like they were screaming mad, but Granpa said mating feels so good that cats can’t help but scream about it.”

“Once you start planting, you have to be careful. There are times when you can’t plant. You must begin by remembering that anything growing below the ground, such as turnips or ‘taters won’t be any bigger than a pencil.”

“Anything that grows above ground, such as corn, beans, peas and such, must be planted in the light of the moon. If it isn’t, you’ll not make much of a crop of it.”

About the Way of Life

“Don’t feel sad, Little Tree. It is The Way. Tal-con caught the slow and so the slow will raise no children who are also slow. Tal-con eats a thousand ground rats who eat the eggs of the quail – both the quick and the slow eggs – and so Tal-con lives by The Way. He helps the quail.”

“It is The Way. Take only what ye need. When ye take the deer, do not take the best. Take the smaller and the slower and then the deer will grow stronger and always give you the meat. Pa-koh, the panther, knows and so must ye.”

“Only Ti-bi, the bee, stores more than he can use…and so he is robbed by the bear, and the ‘coon…and the Cherokee. It is so with people who store and fat themselves with more than their share. They will have it taken from them. And there will be wars over it…and they will make long talks, trying to hold more than their share. They will say a flag stands for their right to do this…and men will die because of the words and the flag…but they will not change the rules of The Way.”

“Granma said I had done right, for when you come on something that is good, first thing to do is share it with whoever you can find; that way, the good spreads out to where no telling it will go. Which is right.”

“Granma said everybody has two minds. One of the minds has to do with the necessaries for body living. You had to use it to figure how to get shelter and eating and such like for the body. She said you had to use it to mate and have young’uns and such. She said we had to have that mind so as we could carry on. But she said we had another mind that had nothing atall to do with such. She said it was the spirit mind.”

“Granma said if you used the body-living mind to think greedy or mean; if you was always cuttin’ at folks with it and figuring how to material profit off’n them…then you would shrink up your spirit mind to a size no bigger’n a hickor’nut.”

“Granma said that the spirit mind was like any other muscle. If you used it it got bigger and stronger. She said the only way it could get that way was using it to understand, but you couldn’t open the door to it until you quit being greedy and such with your body mind. Then understanding commenced to take up, and the more you tried to understand, the bigger it got.”

“Then there was the summer – our growed-up lives – and autumn when we got older and had that peculiar feeling in our spirits of being back in time. Some folks call it nostalgia and sadness. The winter with everything dead or seeming to be, like our bodies when they die, but born again just like the spring. Granma said the Cherokees knew, and had learned it long ago.”

“Granma’s Pa was called Brown Hawk. She said his understanding was deep. He could feel the tree-thought. Once, she said, when she was a little girl, her Pa was troubled and said the white oaks on the mountain near them was excited and scared. He spend much time on the mountain, walking among the oaks. They were of much beauty, tall and straight. They wasn’t selfish, allowing ground for sumach and persimmon, and hickory and chestnuts to feed the wild things. Not being selfish gave them much spirit and the spirit was strong.”

“I said I didn’t care a thing in the world about being ahead. It would suit me might near total if I could just catch up. It was kind of lonesome, always being left behind.”

“The last butterfly flew up the hollow. He rested on a cornstalk where me and Granpa had stripped the corn. He didn’t flex his wings, just set, and waited. He had no purpose in storing food. He was going to die, and he knew it. Granpa said he is wiser than a lot of people. He didn’t fret about it. He knew he had served his purpose, and now his purpose was to die. So he waited there in the last warm of the sun.”

Detox December - Hibernation Mode

Warning: Lots of direct quotations ;)

When November started this year, it’s like my life took a complete turn. I was expecting to graduate next year but then the circumstances did not allow me. Looking from a higher perspective, of course it was not a tragic accident. It was as if the etheric forces conspired to give me a lesson to make me realize that I am not a little girl anymore. I have aging parents and my peers already have jobs while here I am, still stuck in a limbo. The universe knows that I value my freedom so much but I wouldn’t really get it unless I graduate and find a means to make money. If you look at it astrologically, I turned 21 on October 17 and transiting Uranus currently makes an opposition to my Sun which is a factor in why such a sudden change in my life occurred. Also, transiting Saturn makes a square to my natal Saturn. According to the astrologer Wayman Stewart in his blog AstrologyArena,
“…the Saturn square Saturn transit that occurs when you’re around 21 years old and 51 years old. These transits are heavy, in a manner that can rival your actual Saturn Return. In fact, they occur only several years before your Saturn Return. That’s why I like to think of them as ‘pre-Saturn Return’. Things are going to occur in your life that will seriously test you and make you question if you’re living the life you’re supposed to be living and what you can do about that.”
“I think, if most people look back on that age, they will be able to recall some experiences that truly shook them up or changed them. As I said, this transit is a preparation for one’s first Saturn Return…This pre-Saturn Return happens in order for you to begin straightening you out. The Saturn square Saturn transit when you’re 21-22 is your first wake-up call to why you’re here and what you’re supposed to achieve. Given the age that this transit occurs, it makes perfect sense because we are now beginning the entry into adulthood during this time.”

These kinds of information became readily available to me right after I cried because of the incident, and lots of number synchronicities like 11:11 followed for several days. Saturn is definitely shaking me at this point. Saturn is also transiting my 4th house of home, and here I am in my house, alone, refusing to ever go out. Saturn did not constrict me into the four walls of this house – I did. I wanted this. I refuse every offer to go out. Whether it’s from friends or potential lovers, I have rejected them all. It feels like I’m cleaning out dead wood in my system and I am subtly cutting off my connections with some people who do not really care about me at all. I am mostly talking about my high school “friends”. We are friends because of companionship; but our friendship, as far as I am concerned, is not deep enough. Several months ago, I consulted my psychic regarding them, because I got so angry for feeling that they don’t really care about me and this is what he said:
Hi Anthea, I checked it out:You’re right, they really don’t care that much if you show up or not. This is the wrong crowd for you. I wouldn’t go to the functions at all; I would skip and relax and do some things for yourself instead. Read books more, exercise more, stay away from negative people. If I was there I’d take you to lunch and talk about it. :) Let me know if I helped. Lawrence

I am now at this period in my life wherein I am starting to care about what other people think about me less – because what they think of me, whether positive or negative, wouldn’t contribute to my success or happiness anyway. I just would like to have less superficiality in my life, less pretensions, especially within myself. For a few years I have already fooled some of them enough into thinking that I am living a somehow superstar life for being prettier and studying at a good school. But the thing is, image is very superficial. It is not everything. I am very comfortable in being alone and I guess I’d choose to be alone for a while. I dislike superficial relationships at this point. I am looking for something really serious which lasts for a lifetime.

Also, I am choosing to be a hermit starting now not because I have lost too much self-confidence because of what happened to me. It’s just that I am in the process of trying to pick myself up and I wouldn’t want any disturbances or annoyances at the moment. I want them to let me take a rest like a caterpillar in a cocoon, so I could develop myself into something independent, liberated, and useful to the world. This is my Detox December. I start to have ten hours of sleep again, I did another liver flush session to clean my internal self, pampering my dyed hair with hair treatment and vitamins, putting on castor oil religiously for my dandruff and eyelashes, and I am doing a series of chemical peels to my skin in order to cleanse and brighten my complexion. When this becomes successful, I promise you, my family, and all the spirits around me that I would go out without makeup daily. My mother has been distressed that for the past three or four years, I did not let other people see me without makeup. She said that it’s making my face dirtier and have regular acne. I’m glad I have found bravery to do a chemical peel to my face. After this, I will surely whiten my armpits in a salon. This may seem very superficial of me to focus on my physical appearance during my hibernation mode, but this is my way of building up my self-value (2nd house). I have both Libra, Venus, and Sun in my 2nd house which is why I value beauty a lot. I think one of the purposes I have in this current life is to fully understand and experience what beauty is.

And speaking of the 2nd house, it is also the house of money and finances. The 2nd house is ruled by Taurus. This year, my progressed moon became Taurus and it will stay like that until perhaps mid-2018. When my progressed moon was in Aries, all that I cared about was being the star and appearing perfect and confident in front of other people. Now that my progressed moon is in Taurus, the circumstances forced me to plan or take actions on how I could create stability and self-sufficiency for myself. I started to lie low in having relationships and socializing with people and I began hiding in my shell again, doing my own thing. I just don’t like taking dynamic actions again. At this point, I am already tired. I need to rest. I have to disconnect from everybody while building myself up again. I am not a loser. People who know me well know that. It’s not my personality. I fall and make mistakes but I move on and do my thing. And to end this talk, I would just like to say that inaction is a part of the manifestation process. We have to stop once in a while when things don’t already work the way we wanted it. And these quotes are from Gigi Young, from her video “Manifestation Tips & Tricks005: Create Your Own Gravity”:
“The way that we approach life – the way that we approach achieving our goals, achieving our dreams, manifestation – is very, very masculine-oriented. It’s all on action, and planning, and just even mind-made techniques that are processes that are kind of we feel like we’re figuring things out, but that’s more of an objective of control rather than simply aligning. So this masculine way of doing things, or this more aggressive way of doing things, kind of more about control way of doing things have become commonplace...”
“Working hard is awesome, when you actually have a focus that is in alignment with you. But when you’re actually in a place of alignment, you actually need the smallest amount of physical action to achieve great results because everything is so in alignment. If you’re grinding really hard, if you’re pushing really hard and nothing’s really coming, then you need to really re-examine where your focus is in. You need to go back more to a more feminine energy.”
“In reality, we’re ignoring this feminine aspect of ourselves that allows things to come. And we feel like things don’t come, and that [it’s] out there and we need to perceive that everything’s external – it actually creates this chasing paradigm where everything is kind of external and you have to go get it so you’re separate from it, and you have to go and get it. If you have that paradigm, even subconsciously because it’s given to us in society, you will always be chasing something. Something will always be eluding you. As long as you think something’s external and outside of you, it can’t really integrate. The truth is that everything’s internal, everything is already inside of us – and we’re just aligning with it and it comes.”

“And at the end of the day, it’s really important to keep in mind that having more money, having a better job, a relationship, whatever it is that you’re wanting, is going to add more complexity and responsibility to your life. You want a bigger life? That’s gonna be more complexity for you. More responsibility. Your higher self is not going to give you more when you’re already burnt out and having difficulty managing what you already have. That’s huge. If you’re super stressed, and you want more, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.”

I was already so burnt out from my other major subjects that the circumstances have forced me to remove one very important subject and rest for a few months in order to regain my balance. For the time being, I wouldn’t tire or stress myself out and just focus on improving out of other people’s sight. And when I got what I wanted, and made my own money, I wouldn’t need recognition anymore. What is important is that my family is satisfied of what I am becoming, and that I am happy with what I am developing into. Going into hibernation mode is very important for me, but I will not neglect this blog. My inner child would go crazy without a platform for her thoughts. Namaste! 
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