Happy Birthday to Me! (17 Oct 2016)


I had a very good experience of having my 21st birthday yesterday. For the past few years I have always quietly complained that I don’t feel special enough, that some people did not remember to greet me, that I didn’t gain enough attention, or that people do not care enough that it is my birthday – but I only started being happy when I cared less about these things. It is always better to have no expectations. A former spiritual teacher that I have followed advocated “entitlement,” or feeling entitled to receive something, in order to gain what we wanted to manifest because that was how the law of attraction works. Of course there are also teachings that say that entitlement is destructive, and I agree with the latter. The feeling of entitlement implies that you want to have control over the happenings in your life and it will inevitably lead to feelings of frustration if things do not work out your way. I liked one blog post of Gigi Young entitled “Entitlement is Destructive”, and here are some excerpts of that post:
"…We are blessed to have these things when we do have them, but we are not entitled to them. They will not simply appear out of thin air because we are uncomfortable; just as we cannot change the reflection in the mirror to a smile without first smiling inside…If we feel as though we are in any way entitled to these things, that they should flow to us without any personal alignment, paradigm shift or further work, we essentially block them from our experience entirely."
"Entitlement can become a considerable problem when it comes to our manifestation process and general happiness because frustration, anger and feeling victimized can block out many gifts and opportunities coming our way."
Knowing that most of my friends here aren’t true anyway, and some of them have gone to oblivion, I have given up the expectation of having a wild birthday party. I contented myself into knowing that I have shopped two days before my birthday and have bought every little luxury I could afford (I have Venus in 2nd house). However, before I went to class, a younger coursemate greeted me on the library as I returned a few books and it set my mood for the entire day. I wasn’t close with that girl; but knowing that she respects and likes me as her upperclassman already means a lot to me. Her batchmates used to be distant to my batch but now they approach me without hesitation.

When I entered the classroom for my first subject of the day to report and to pass the papers that I have worked on, a classmate blurted out that it was my birthday. The crowd then suddenly sang the Happy Birthday Song. It was really a thing of joy when the people around you does not harbor hostile feelings on you but recognizes your humanity and relatability to them no matter how different you all are. Starting on the last week of September I guess, Jupiter started to transit my Sun in Libra and it will last all year long. Compared to when Jupiter transited my ascendant last year, I could feel more the benevolent and lucky effects of Jupiter now that it transits my sun. I guess I have become more confident and content with who I am and with my current condition. Well, after they greeted me and our professor entered the classroom, I was the first reporter for that day. I was so happy that all of them were interested with what I have to say and were entertained by my presentation. I really wanted them to understand my part of that report because it feels rewarding for a reporter or a teacher. I plan to be a teacher in college or high school someday (but that would not be my main profession) that’s why I really focus my energy on making my presentations nearly perfect in my perception.

Well, I guess one way of making yourself feel special is making other people happy. I want to keep them entertained and happy if they would permit me to. I guess I was just laughing the whole time I was in school during my birthday even though only a few knew how special that day was to me, because I learned stuff and I had a chance to be with silly groupmates. Anyway, when I came back to my boarding house at four in the afternoon, my roommate surprised me with a chocolate birthday cake. I was really surprised! I wasn’t expecting anything and I did not suspect that the things she was asking me the night before was for her preparation for my birthday surprise. I was really nice, you know. This friend I have by my side really loves me. And having only her on my birthday is already worth more than a birthday party with lots of people. I only want people who genuinely love me by my side.

By nighttime, we went to sing in a karaoke and people loved my voice. I really loved the attention. I feel like I have entertained people and impacted the world in a positive way by satisfying myself through singing. My birthday was a really nice day. It was simple but people who really care for me sent me their messages and love. My foreign friends are also included. It really feels warm in the chest that right now I am teary-eyed as I am typing this. It really pays a lot to be good to other people because they really give you back the appreciation when the time comes. My Jupiter-Sun transit is also helpful I guess, because I feel like I can conquer the world and nothing bad will happen because good people have my back. I also feel strong because I have this deep sense of duty to protect our President Duterte from slanderers who don’t even know politics and social sciences. Not that I am an expert on that, but I understand where he is coming from because of my history classes. Anyway, I have given gratitude to all the people who made my life easier and more beautiful during my birthday. It was possible because for the first time in my life, happiness and contentment really came from inside me. Happy birthday to all people born in the 17th of October, Namaste!

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