Loved By Grannies


I currently live in a nice neighborhood near my college. These days, I often experience being taken care of by strangers. They are women, of course. Girls like me would always be wary of male strangers who approach them. I grew up always feeling the hostility of girls around me and being exposed early to the competition that exists among our sex. It is only since the start of 2016 that the girls around me became comfortable around me and vice versa. Perhaps something inside me changed too. The current circumstances made me feel and absorb the positive energy of the divine feminine.

These days, especially this month, female strangers have been especially kind to me. They ask me if I am okay, why I am alone, and so on. I don’t know if I just evoke pity everywhere, but I feel like these strangers, or should I say our neighbors, have this urge to protect me especially when they see me walking or eating alone. The old lady that manages this apartment always takes our side whenever our crazy neighbor bullies us. She has been especially kind to us. I also notice that she watches over me in a non-creepy way, which, sometimes is creepy because I feel like I am being treated as her granddaughter. She always offers her help and even wanted to sleep near me when I told her that I was alone in our apartment. The amount of care that I receive is just so creepy since I have grown up being despised or neglected especially by the females around me. I have been enemies with my mother and sister for too long.

The eateries nearby have also been kind to us. I feel much loved whenever they ask me why I eat alone or any question about me. When I ate my dinner earlier, an old lady had been especially kind to me. She always talks to me and I always answer with short replies, because I am very awkward with strangers. I honestly get pampered a lot, more than any normal customer, because they give me my spoon and fork and a glass of water even though it is usually self-service. This old lady that I am talking about always touches my shoulder whenever she gets me something that I didn’t ask, that it seems like she really likes me. She always mutters “kagwapa,” (“how pretty”) when she touches me after she helps me. She even touched my hair earlier and said that I have beautiful hair. Someone around us heard it too, and told me that my hair suits me and I look like a Barbie doll. I just smiled. That was already too much love.

Before I left, they offered to take me back to my apartment because I might get scared (it was dark and raining cats and dogs). I politely declined, so they just told me to take good care of myself. They even asked for my name. When I said “Thea,” they told me that I have a lovely name too. Perhaps I don’t really have to worry about what others think of me because based on my experiences with my neighbors, they love me even though I am a stranger. Perhaps I shouldn’t really obsess with my appearance because the old ladies here tell me that I am pretty. They are just so kind. They always smile at me and I feel like they want to take care of me. However, they do not give me the feeling that I am a weakling or whatever. They just regard me dearly and I am secretly very thankful for that. Perhaps that was my Jupiter in the 3rd house. Perhaps it was the universe’s way of telling me that I am loved. Or perhaps it was my dead granny’s way of reminding me through them that she is still taking care of me even in the afterlife. 

My Saturn in the 7th House



“I’d rather make you single than let you be with the wrong person.”Cherry

Here are excerpts of articles online about Saturn in the seventh house of marriage and relationships, to start off with this post:

Wherever Saturn is in the chart we are forced to wait, and the seventh house love tunnel is no different. Love tends to be elusive and prospective partners are few and far in between, however, once the work is done Saturn will have sent the zodiac’s most precious gift package.
Without love, the individual may experience harsh feelings of self-deprecation and inadequacy, but Saturn won’t stand by while he enters relationships out of loneliness and not love. He will be forced to love the person in the mirror before he is given free reign amongst others. The presence of others is typically used to repress the individual’s own feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.
Until he has learned his lessons, Saturn will repeat them, and the constant wrestling of the “missing” feeling, the empty void, the desire for the touch of another, fused with the urge for solitude leaves the individual with an arduous inner life.
The individual is forced to confront the hourglass planet’s famous time delay’s in love, and may feel as if he will be alone forever, nursing his own solitude, dreaming of the arms wrapped around their waist. But this is his own deceptive thinking. And the planet with the ring already wrapped around it has a greater diamond waiting for them.

With your natal Saturn in your 7th house, you tend to struggle with relationships and commitment when young. Generally, you’re not successful with these things until after your first Saturn return (29 – 30 y/o).
You may not be the kind of person who has many relationships, focusing on other parts of your life first.

Relationships are not always easy, and sometimes the individual with this placement feels as if they have little or no romantic possibilities.
Prestige and standing may also be important credentials in potential mate, and sometimes they look for a partner who can provide a safe and secure life.
They may look for a conventional partner, marry late in life, or choose a partner who is more mature and already established.

Saturn is symbolic of a controlling figure in our lives, one who is concerned with discipline, restrictions, and commitment. So in the seventh house there can be some conflict, especially if you find yourself in a situation where you’re not sure you’re with the right person. 

Many people get surprised when I tell them that I have no boyfriend.

I am in no way being narcissistic here, but people tell me that they cannot believe that I am single because they say I am attractive. When I tell them that I have no suitors either, they really get surprised. So that makes me think, do women really have to have many suitors in order to support the fact that they are pretty? I know a lot of attractive and pretty women in my life who have barren love lives and they are pretty fine with it. They are amazing and lovely, but the fact that they have no suitors or boyfriends at the moment does not invalidate the fact that they are attractive. Maybe some people determine one’s attractiveness in counting the number of admirers you have at the moment, or the boyfriends that you’ve had, but for me it’s bullshit. It’s not about that all the time.

Today I am going to share about my experiences so far about my Saturn in the 7th house. I am a very relationship-oriented person – and a lot of aspects in my natal chart support that fact. I have a Libra Sun, Libra North Node, and Saturn in the 7th house. Our North Nodes are indicative of our life’s purpose in our current incarnation. In this lifetime, my soul is obliged to make heart to heart connections with people because I have found out in my past life regressions that I am often alone, independent, betrayed, and scared of making connections with other people. The past lives that I have been shown have a theme of loneliness. This North Node of mine conjuncts with my Sun sign which helps me connect more to my purpose and gives it a boost because being relationship-oriented is already in my personality. Saturn, the planet of karma, however, is in my seventh house of relationships. Although I am always drawn to relationships, I’ve never had an easy one. This is one area of my life that I am constantly working on. It’s either Saturn prevents me from being the wrong person even before a relationship would form, or Saturn would let me suffer the consequences of lowering my standards just to have a relationship.

I notice that I have this pattern of getting into a relationship out of loneliness. I have this ideal man in my head but this ideal man is very elusive. I just can’t reach him. Those men that embody the traits that I like in a partner are either already in a relationship or just won’t commit to me. And so, I have this tendency of settling for less, just because this man gives me the attention and affection that I want. Most of the time, I cannot reciprocate the love of these men. During the course of my past relationships with them, I often find my eyes wandering and desiring other men. I have cheated with two ex-boyfriends just to have an excuse to escape the relationships where I was unhappy. However, I cannot escape easily. Saturn in my 7th house demands commitment and responsibility and these past boyfriends would do anything just to make me stay, even if they know that those relationships are already harming us. I’ve never had a light-hearted relationship. Everything is messy and intense. Perhaps that is one way of Father Saturn’s way of telling me that I am not yet ready, or that I am obviously with the wrong people.

When I say that I have no suitors now, it is true. But that doesn’t mean that no guy gets near me or becomes interested in me. I get approached but then I reject them right away especially if I feel like they are not right for me. Based on my past relationship experiences, nothing good comes out of settling for less. Your partner should have the same amount of courage, intellect, wisdom, and kindness as you do. I know that it is very egotistical to put things or people in hierarchies but there is some truth in that. In a spiritual standpoint, there just people who are less or more evolved than you. People who are not in the same ground as you will not be able to understand you and the relationship will most likely only fail. Now that I am more awakened by my mistakes, I noticed that the men who approach me only want a relationship to have sexual benefits. How can I say that? Because they are not working on themselves, not achieving great things, not expanding their knowledge and wisdom, and not trying to get to know me on a deeper level. If the person who woos you is superficial, then most probably he/she only wants something superficial out of a relationship too. I reject suitors immediately because I have learned that. But I have only been called snobbish by men who can’t reach my standards.

I only protect myself you know. I both have Venus in Scorpio and Saturn in the 7th house which means that I take relationships very seriously. And I always want my partner to be my husband. This scares some people off, but that just means that they are not the right ones for me. My soul desires something serious and there is nothing wrong with that. The relationship aspect of my life is just very intense. It is something that I want to perfect and get right, but it just fails most of the time. It really feels very karmic, if you’d ask me. And when someone whom I like initially gives me love and attention but then withdraws unintentionally because of being busy or whatever, I start feeling insecure. My Saturn in the 7th house just wants stability and commitment, and Saturn might just want to tie the knot between me and a person of interest. I don’t like flings. If you want me and I like you, don’t back out in the middle of the courtship. It makes me want to kill you. It hurts me a lot. And I just have this feeling of deep loneliness, deep emptiness whenever I am not in a relationship. Saturn’s lesson for me may already be obvious for some, but it’s super obscure. Perhaps relationships would only distract me from achieving my goals and doing some things for myself – but can I just have both relationship and career? Why am I given this desire for a relationship when life would only give me the wrong people and take away the people I want? Why am I given barrenness or constant failure in relationships when deep inside I just want to be happy with someone? I promise you, this placement is really hard. It takes a toll on the native’s self-esteem. And that, my friends, is my experience with this Saturn placement. 

First Published Story!


I just wanted to share that this morning, I got my story (not fictional) published for the first time on a website. Surely I have poems that get published in our newspapers during high school, but this one is different. It is special for me. It is on Cosmic Collective [link], a website where people can share their metaphysical stories, extraterrestrial being encounters and the like. Last month, I posted this blog entitled “First Encounters with my Extraterrestrial Guides” and that same blog post was what I submitted on Cosmic Collective, with only a few revisions. They even made an image of a blue centaur-like being for me. It was so special. It was definitely not an Andalite, because that blue being was far from being sinister. Anyway, I was really elated when I found my own story on the website, because it felt like I was being heard by the universe and being reassured that what I experienced what very real. My post was not a literary masterpiece, but a real story of what I have experienced and felt during my meditations. With this synchronicity and esoteric kind of approval, I know that I would really pursue the path of spirituality and writing – since astrologically speaking, I have Scorpio in my 3rd house and Mars, Pluto, and Jupiter in the 3rd house of communication and learning. Namaste!

Ancient Greek Man in Past Life


I did a past life regression hypnosis earlier so I could pick out one life theme that I seem to be living over and over again. I was compelled to do this because I stumbled upon Gigi Young’s latest blog post, entitled “Energy Update:Get Ready for Past Life Bleed Throughs!” She shared some random pieces of her past lives that she had just remembered recently, and it was a really beautiful post. Don’t get me wrong – she is not a spiritual guru that I idolize, but merely a kindred spirit who loves sharing spiritual stuff and her own spiritual adventures. Two years ago, I also tried doing a past life regression and I saw that I was a queen in the 1700s [link]. When I read my blog post about it again, things made sense to me. And that past life had large similarities with this past life that I am going to share now.

As I was urged by the voice in the hypnosis video to be in a safe place, I keep coming back to the same “paradise” which is a meadow with trees and some animals. I am not a nature lover or environmentalist in this life, but my soul just loves nature and I feel at peace on that meadow with trees. It was the same meadow that I see whenever I do other guided meditations. While I was there, I felt secure and loved, most especially because of a tree. I was hugging a tree and that particular tree was giving out love to me. The tree loves me so much.

Anyway, the past life that I saw was when I was a teenage Greek boy in the ancient times. I feel like the earth during that time had already gone a descension phase, since the atmosphere was very chaotic and confusing even though I was in a mountainous region. I saw myself wearing sandals, my legs were hairy and thin, I myself was a tall and lean man, and I was wearing some kind of a skirt and it seems as if I was half-naked. I had a short curly light brown hair. I didn’t know what I was doing there. But I was in a state of total confusion that I cried while seeing the past me. I felt his emotions and I just cried and cried. My house was a simple and humble abode, but I did not feel compelled to go there since I do not feel that there were people living there. I saw one dead person inside – my family members were probably all dead and I was the only living being in my family that’s why I was in a state of total confusion. No one was around, people were not running aimlessly, but there was something bad going on. My name was “Greim,” although I am not totally sure whether I got that right. Greim sounds German but the environment looks very Greek. Rocky and mountainous and hot.

During my thirties or forties I was married to an unattractive woman with a stoic expression. She does not seem to be loving or nurturing; but she was not an evil woman either. I do not feel like I loved her – I only had a sense of responsibility for her. Being married to her gave me a sense of security, as when I was younger I was really alone and sad and unloved. Fast forward to the time of my death, I did not see how I died. But I saw myself as an old man, looking sadly into the mountains. There was no wife or children around; I was all alone. No neighbors. It feels like I lived a solitary life. I might have been a hermit. The old man me was really lonely, but independent. He is not dependent on anyone as an old man, but there is definitely an aching sensation due to the lack of connection to other people.

During my past life as a queen in 1700s, I was also alone although there were many people around me. I felt like they were only around me because they needed something from me, or they wanted my power, but they did not love me. I have traitors around me. I died lonely. I also died lonely in my past life as a Greek man. In this current physical incarnation, I am a quiet girl who also loves being alone because I could easily sense fake people. Also, I feel the need to only connect with people who really understands me. In this life I do not have many friends, I do not have a real connection with my family (as though I was adopted), and I definitely do not get surrounded by people. If some would attempt to, I noticed that I am the one backing off or avoiding them, simply because I do not feel like I want them in my life. I do not really know what kind of lesson my higher self wants me to learn through this particular past life that I have been shown; but clearly, “loneliness” is one of the themes of my incarnations. I had to learn how to be comfortable with myself, be independent, and to connect well with other people. That Greek man really felt like me. To some extent I like isolation but it really makes me cry. I still don’t understand. 

Mercury Retrograde Experiences


If you don’t know what a  mercury retrograde is, other websites will be better in explaining the concept because I am not an expert or an astrologer, but only an astrology enthusiast who loves discovering the archetypes around her through the zodiac, houses, and planets. In this blog post, I will be listing my mercury retrograde experiences starting from today. It will be updated when the planet encounters mercury retrograde again in the future.

September 2016:

Former Suitors
Some suitors that I have rejected before have revisited my life. Some of them just make their interest known again, some of them are just bored so they flirt with me, while two of them seem to be obsessed and are not backing down despite the countless rejections they experience from me. Some are ex-boyfriends that want a second chance, but I really don’t give a shit anymore about them, honestly. I will be just burnt again if I rekindle an old flame. Plus, all of them don’t really love me – they just came back perhaps because they are loveless, wanting an ego boost, or just pretty shameless.

Former Relationship
An ex-boyfriend of mine still texts and calls me. He still flirts with me so I thought I’d give it a chance. When I started saying that I still love him, he told me that he is courting someone and that was a slap to my face. Why are you flirting with me all this time when you already have someone that you like? I firmly told him to stop communicating with me because I will also stop responding to him, but then he told me that it was just a joke. However, it was already the second time that he joked the same joke this month that I thought it was not really a joke. I will never respond to him again, and certainly we will never have a dinner again. The last time we had dinner (he was already an ex) was horrible because that selfish asshole showed his ugly horns again. I miss our happy moments but I will definitely be gone from his life. I blocked him on social media.

Lower Vibration
Since the start of mercury retrograde in the last week of August, I started getting easily tired, sad, prone to anger, and very emotional. I also get haunted by my suppressed emotions, severed ties with no closure, past traumas and pain, etc. For me, mercury retrograde is a time of emotional triggers. Things pop up that just instantly makes me upset – although my reaction today is calmer than before. And since I am an empath, I easily pick up vibes that are not necessarily good for me. I think that when it is mercury retrograde, people release things or energies that are not serving them anymore so this season is not always good for empaths or for sensitive people who can easily pick up energies around them.

Decreased Logic, More Dreams
I have noticed that I have become less alert as before and I can’t help the sinking of my conscious mind. When I read books, I just get so distracted and I feel like I need more sleep. I cannot really concentrate on my school works and I just write and write and write about my feelings and thoughts instead. I easily get stressed and my body and mind just rejects anything that includes left-brain thinking. Also, my sleep is longer and I get grumpy all day if I do not get enough sleep. This is a time where I feel like I'd rather have sweet dream rather than be awake in real life. 

The Leper


As my roommate and I went into an eatery near our boarding house, we saw a leper buying his viand. It was actually the first time I saw a leper – I even doubted whether the man was really a leper or just had warts all over his face and body. However, it was really leprosy that came into my mind and my roommate confirmed it too. As I was choosing what viand I wanted to eat, I stood near the leper for a while so he would not think that I was avoiding him. My roommate, however, did her best to avoid. It is understandable since no one wants to be infected with such a disease. While it was obvious that people were avoiding him, one woman talked to him and that made me feel better.

I really felt sorry for the poor man. He did not, however, feel very creepy – unless you would really look at his skin. He was a kind man; and he just had to go to the eatery to get his food. He gets hungry too so he has the right to go out and buy food. Although I have thought earlier that he should just be inside his house so he would not scare people off, I realized that he had the right to go out – after all, he is still a part of this world. He has the right to enjoy the outdoors and let the sun heal him. The people around him were disgusted by his disease, and that made my heart ache for him. Most people really do care about external appearances, and that’s a sad fact especially for lepers and other people with physical deformities. He might have looked scary to people but I could really sense his good heart although he was really self-conscious.

After we ate there, I couldn’t take the leper out of my head. I feel so bad for him. I did not even look at him because I did not want to really internalize how horrible it was for him to have leprosy. Perhaps he cries himself to sleep. Perhaps he has cursed God for giving him such a disease. And perhaps he also curses himself for scaring people off. I might just be thinking nonsense (it’s Mercury Retrograde) but I thought of taking care of people like him so they won’t feel alone and hopeless. He does not deserve it, really. I do not know how to help him since I won’t be pursuing a medical profession so I just prayed to Archangel Michael, enveloped in his healing emerald light, to heal the leper. I also told him to include other healing spirits so the leper’s recovery would be quicker. If I remember him, I would really pray for him. And if you happen to see this, please pray for him too. 

Heart to Heart Talk #2: Rotten Apples


“There is no problem with being alone – just wait for that good apple whom you have a special heart connection with, rather than lower your standards and think that rotten apples who want you are still okay.”

That is from an older male friend of mine; I just tweaked and revised his advice for me. A few blog entries ago, I posted about how excited I was to have my next boyfriend.  However, at this point in my life, I have learned that my friend was right. Men will be men – and associating with them would not always give good results unless you are in a true love or twin flame relationship. Just think about Taylor Swift. Her reputation is largely damaged by her associations with men. I am not saying that men are horrible creatures. What I mean is that heterosexual men will always want to associate with women for romantic or sexual reasons. For twenty years of my current incarnation here, that is what I have found out. I haven’t had a completely platonic relationship with a man because they would always want more. (I’m also blaming my Lilith in the 10th house.) It’s like if they want themselves to be part of your life, they either want to be your boyfriend or to have sex with you. If they don’t make an effort in being a part of your life, then there’s nothing. Just a few hi’s and hello’s – or even nothing at all.

I will be completely honest here. All of my exes were not really my biggest crushes before I had relationships with them. Most of the time, I agree to be their girlfriend because of the affection and attention that they give me. At first, I thought that love was all that matters. Also, I thought that I could learn to love some of them. But no. If initially you already feel a bit of a hesitation and you don’t feel that you like them that deeply, I would suggest backing out of the relationship or the courtship phase. I’ve never really had a boyfriend that I had a crush on beforehand, because I had this core belief that I do not deserve my crushes. I thought that maybe I wasn’t good enough for them so I settled for less. It was not living a life of simplicity to learn contentment in a Buddhist way; it was lowering one’s standards because of having no self-worth. I gave away my self-worth to men who definitely did not deserve it.

My latest ex was a childhood crush. I overlooked the turn-offs that I initially noticed. I have tried falling deeply in love with him. However, I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take the poor hygiene, the shallowness, his boredom regarding learning and knowledge, and the irresponsibility. I strive to be better every single day, learn more stuff, develop skills, and climb higher in life if I can, but I couldn’t see those efforts in him or in my other exes. I seemed like a bad person for breaking up with them, but I just couldn’t take it. Also, I still have persistent suitors today whom I already have rejected so many times. I’ve seen many red flags so I just can’t afford to settle for less again. Guess what they tell me? They tell me that I am too stuck up for having such high standards. They tell me that I feel like I am too intelligent and that they were sorry for being such stupid beings. They tell me that it’s not about the man’s educational or career achievements but the “sparks” and chemistry that happens between two people. What reasons. Who are they to dictate to me the qualities that I should like in the opposite sex? With all those mistakes and lessons I have learned from my past relationships, why am I being portrayed like a bitch for wanting someone that I think I deserve?

These suitors that I have mentioned were not rejected through their looks. I wasn’t attracted to them physically but I thought that maybe we should talk for a couple of days about deep stuff to get to know them better. However, one of them was pretentious and competes with me when it comes to knowledge because he knows my background and where I study right now. He debates with me even though he has the stupidest reasons just to prove me wrong in my arguments and make me fall in love with him. This person turned me off because he is just full of empty talks and promises but does not actually achieve tangible things in life (he’s 11 years older than me). He is really inconsistent and just drops everything when he is in a bad mood. I also noticed that he was too immature for his age. He got insulted when I said that I wasn’t looking for chemistry but for the intellectual capacity and the sense of responsibility in a guy. I really wasn’t insulting him; he just felt that he couldn’t pass my standards, standards which are normal for girls my age.

The other one was an engineer, but I really was not attracted to him physically. Physical attraction is important to me. He has the job and money but I honestly think that he is also immature for his age and a bit too shallow. His foot is in his mouth and I just don’t like the vulgarity of his words. He also asks stupid questions that can be answered with common sense. And when I tell him something interesting, we just can’t have deep conversations and that bores me. Also I have noticed some narcissistic and egotistical tendencies. I also haven’t been called beautiful by him. For me, being called beautiful by a suitor is very important because that means he appreciates your feminine beauty and that he really likes you. When someone interested does not call me pretty or beautiful, I start to think that they may be after my sexuality or that they think they are too good for me  to even take me seriously. I felt like he still falls in love like a high school kid and is too shallow for me to be with for a long time.

The last one was someone who already has a baby and has not finished his studies because of laziness. I am pretty sure that it was not because of financial difficulties. I kept on encouraging him to continue studying but this person is stubborn. Now that he is a single father, he struggles in making ends meet for her daughter. When he said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend and I refused, he got angry and told me that I have high standards. Of course I would have high standards because I am always working on improving myself and steering away from self-destructive behaviors. If he cannot even do that for himself, why would I even entrust my future to him, right? In the end, girls will always be the ones who will suffer because most boys are only kind during the courtship phase. When girls fall in love, they will still give and give love even though their boyfriends’ horns have already resurfaced.

I guess the most important point that I want to make is that we should always pick someone who is on our level (trust me, this is not about ego or superiority or anything, but harmony between a couple). So far I have only had those who are a bit below me, so I was unhappy. Most of my past relationships were really controlling because of their insecurity. Oftentimes, I get told that I am too smart for them, that I am too arrogant because of that, that they are sorry for being not on my level, that I am basically a bitch who cannot overlook their insufficiencies. Honestly, I do not really behave arrogantly towards them. I just get irritated sometimes when I make poems for them and they do not appreciate it because they hate reading. I also hated it when I wanted so bad to talk about some ideas or concepts but they get bored because they thrive on the superficial aspects of life. I needed someone who is intelligent, responsible, and attractive enough for me. I needed someone equal to me because those that aren’t always project their insecurities to me. I need someone who always understands because we’re pretty much the same, someone open-minded and open to learning more, someone who can teach me things that I don’t know. And I just hate it when those rejected suitors say to me that I am too snobbish just because they did not pass my standards. But really, was that my fault?

You know I hate being single especially for a long time. I crave intimate connection and the feeling of being in love. However, I only see rotten apples so far. I cut cords and got rude to them because they just wouldn’t leave me alone even though I have already rejected them so many times. I do not see myself being happy with them. And maybe they wouldn’t be happy with me too, because they like me for the wrong reasons. I’m sure they did not feel a special connection with me too. They just want to make me theirs in order to boost their egos. Nope, I already know that. You can’t fool me. I can detect pretentiousness and whatever crappy mask that you put on. Well, I just have to wait for that perfect man for me even if it takes me a long time. Being with someone who is not on your level is really a pain in the neck, trust me. Plus, you will feel misunderstood all the time. And they will blame you for their insecurities. Having standards is not synonymous to being snobbish, because spending time with admirers who are below you will just be a waste of time for both parties. 

Painting the Sky (Dream)

Lavender Sky Seascape by Linda Koelbel

In my dream, I remember that there are two older girls who were making me paint some pictures for them. First, they let me paint a pretty sky with clouds that produce lightning. I was just in the process of drawing the lightning bolts when one of the girls made me write her name on the paper. It was “Laguia”. It was a name that I have never heard before. The sky with a lightning on it was also not threatening – it just contained lightning but the sky was really colorful and fun. Then, the two older girls showed me a painting that I was supposed to paint too. When I saw the painting, I was mesmerized and I couldn’t take my eyes off the paper. It was a watercolor painting of the sky with a big, pretty cloud. It was painted in pastel shades of blue, white, and lavender. As I was looking at the lovely painting of the sky, I was pretty sure that I could paint it. After all, the painting style done to the painting was very similar to mine.

The cloud was pretty big anyway. I consulted Auntyflo’s dream dictionary and painting and sky has these meanings:
On dreaming of Paint or Painting, one is going through an extremely creative and connected part of their life when they are able to literally paint what is it that they want to experience in life. This is a time in which you are the creator of your world.
Seeing the sky in a dream is associated with your sublimeness, state of being majestic, and infinite freedom. Spiritually, the sky is the symbol of infinity and limitless possibilities. The sky refers to your strife for a better life and higher achievements.

The lightning, too, has a positive meaning according to online dream dictionaries. It generally symbolizes happiness and opulence; and it might also represent sudden or surprising events. The lightning that I was trying to paint in my dream was not really threatening as I have said, so I doubt that it has a negative meaning. It is the first painting so it might symbolize the past, or maybe the recent past. The act of making me write the strange name of “Laguia” might symbolize the present. I have googled the name and nothing interesting came up except for Spanish stuff. I think Laguia might be the name of one of my spirit guides and she is helping me at the present moment. Those two girls may be my spirit guides. The second and last painting, which was already finished and was just shown to me, is a beautiful sky with a beautiful big cloud. I think it means that I can definitely paint a happy and wonderful future for me because it has already been painted for me. And the fact that these two older girls gave me the beautiful picture for me to paint may be a reassurance that there really are spirit guides by my side who want me to create my own happy, free, and satisfying future. Also, when I felt that the painting style done to the beautiful painting was very similar to my own, it might signify that the future me have already created that painting and that I was just going to do it in the present moment. I am definitely not an expert in decoding dreams, but this is what I think my higher self is telling me at the moment. Namaste!

A Note to Some Blog Readers


This blog entry is posted to clarify some things, and to avoid any misunderstandings on my part.

Some people that I know in real life tease me that they read my blog and some of them act as if I do something wrong (I know, I shouldn’t care) especially when I recount significant experiences in my life and they happen to know who the people involved are even though I make up fake names for them. I also feel teased when I get told that people know my secrets through this blog. First of all, they are not secrets anymore. I post it for the world to see because I feel comfortable knowing that I have my own platform where my thoughts are heard. I censor their true names because I don’t want to ruin other people’s reputation through this, and I only want to share my thoughts to a larger and *anonymous* audience in this way where people just go here and tinker whatever because not all people whom we talk to in person are interested in all of our ideas or whatever we have to say. Sometimes there are negative emotions involved like sadness and anger yet I still post those blog entries because good or bad, self-expression is still self-expression. I am limiting my rants but no one is in a perfect state of happiness and contentment all the time. And I am getting a little defensive here but this is my blog and I can post whatever thoughts I have – it’s up to you to judge or challenge my ideas or even my personality, but I still will respect your opinions. I know that this blog doesn’t really affect anyone’s life but for the people who think that what I do is wrong, I just want to say that I am still learning how to not care. Also, I personally think it is better to write things in our own perspectives, with raw emotions, rather than have overly-edited people-pleasing writings that eventually turn out to be bland and stripped off of the author’s personality. YOLO, we can’t please everyone. That is all, happy reading! :)
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