I Wish I Was A Capricorn


I wish I was a Capricorn that strives to get to the top whatever it takes. I wish it was in my personality to really compete with my old self and be Saturnian so that I wouldn’t flip out whenever I get Saturnian lessons in my life out of the blue or when my Saturn return comes when I’m twenty-eight. My personal placements, which are the ascendant, sun, and moon, are ruled by Venus, Mercury, and the Moon. Therefore, I care mostly about beauty, social acceptance, filling my curiosity, and feeling deep emotions whenever I get triggered. If there were Capricorn placements in my chart, those are Uranus and Neptune in Capricorn conjuncting each other – but the effects on me are very subtle, if any at all, because Uranus and Neptune are generational planets. I don’t even know what both placements are supposed to mean. I am almost twenty-one, and I am now in a period of life wherein I need to get really serious and face all the shit that I fear – therefore, I mourn the lack of Capricorn in my personal placements. Whenever I think of all the friends that I have that have either their Suns or Moons in Capricorn, I wistfully say to myself, “Why can’t I be as determined and persistent and ambitious as them?”

Virgo plays a dominant role in my personality because it is my ascendant. Virgo, being an earth sign ruled by Mercury, is good because it makes me so focused on the smallest details and makes me aware of the smallest shit that need to be done. Because of the Virgo ascendant, I stick to routines and rules that help me improve myself with regards to health and beauty. It makes me prone to make to-do lists that organize my life. And because of this, I cannot truly understand Pisces- or Neptune-dominant people. Their heads are up in the clouds and they cannot see reality for what it really is. Although they are very nice people who actually have unconditional love for you, I don’t like it when people complain all the time without actually “doing” anything about it. I actually initially wanted a Libra rising for its charm and beauty benefits, but now I start to appreciate an earth rising for its practicality and stability. Virgo has a very bad reputation in the astrological field, but why dislike the sign that is all about improving everything every single time? Why dislike the sign that is all about purity, cleanliness, and productivity? J Think Hermione. She is the perfect example of what a Virgo ascendant is like.

However, I feel like having my Virgo also has its setbacks. Since it is focused on the smallest details, when I focus on the negative and start to feel fearful, I automatically see the smallest things that would make my fear even bigger. So instead of doing something about it like I usually do when I am not fearful, I escape and distract myself and become rather Piscean. Sometimes it’s amazing how we embody the traits of our 7th house cusp. I am not really sure why, but perhaps our 7th house embodies our shadow sides that we are afraid to look at. Right now, I am struggling to be productive and to finish that one thing that is the main obstruction for me to graduate in college. I start watching videos about Saturn, wishing that by doing it, I could inhale even a bit of Saturn’s energy. I wish I could discipline myself like Saturn does. But no, my Saturn is in Pisces. My father was an escapist, an alcoholic that didn’t want to get his hands dirty by taking care of his two babies. He and my mother expected that I would rather grow up on my own and learn lessons on my own without any of their guidance and instructions. It was a tough and structure-less childhood. So right now, I am desperately wanting to have a grasp on anything or anyone Saturnian, just so I can set my life straight. I have so many dreams but the chaos brought about by my Saturn in Pisces just makes me freeze and not do anything about it because of fear. That’s why I wish I was a Capricorn. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Powered by Blogger.