She's A Bad, Bad Bitch: My Lilith in Cancer in the 10th House (Midheaven)


Sometimes when I study astrology, I feel bad and very dense, as if I literally feel the heavy energy that is said about a specific placement, planet or sign. I have my major planets in Scorpio, and that kind of makes me more intense and darker than the average Libra girl, who’s all about beauty and flirting and relationship stuff. My Mars and Pluto are in conjunct in Scorpio in my 3rd house, so I have this dark past or childhood wherein I really was bullied and so powerless and shitty. I was so na├»ve and innocent back then but people around me, especially children, just projected all of these hatred to me and the four or five-year-old me just endured all of these shame, guilt, and hatred when I should really be playing with Barbie dolls with my peers. I didn’t have a voice, and the children around me made fun of me believing I was ugly, with my Chiron in my 1st house. Now that I am twenty years old, I am facing a different stereotype because I look better now and I am very powerful with my voice and writing skills now. Growing up, I didn’t pay much attention to “avenging” myself but then I just naturally leaned towards acting, writing, and beauty. But right now there is one placement in my Midheaven that makes things kind of hard for me. It is Lilith in the 10th house.

There are a lot of descriptions of Lilith placements in the signs and houses on the internet so I’m not going to state them all, also because I am no astrologer. I am going to say my personal experiences with my Lilith placement. Both my Lilith and Moon sign is in Cancer – therefore, I am both the good mother and the bad mother. As a Cancer moon, I am an emotional sponge – I feel all kinds of energy there is emotionally, I don’t see or hear whatever, I am kind of an empath, and that makes me understanding and yet also very sensitive. I love nurturing other people but I also want to be nurtured in return. Astrologers say that Cancer moons have very nurturing mother who smothered them or gave them all their needs, but that doesn’t apply to me. I grew up seeing my mother as an enemy who neglected my emotional needs and rejected me. My mother has the most influence on me, but unfortunately, those influences were bad and traumatizing. I badly wanted her love, but I just get rejection in any way. She says things that hurt me like I am the black sheep of the family, I am not pretty, I am jealous of my pretty sister, and that she does not love me. Every single time, she just sides with my sister whenever there is a fight. Now, that is the negative manifestation of having a Lilith in Cancer in my life.

Lilith in Cancers like me use emotions are their weapon. Most probably, the natives have been manipulated and hurt so much one way or another that they have learned how to manipulate other people. Their manner of manipulation is emotional. Most of the time they play victims, martyrs, and they just know what to do to hurt the other person. They know the worst way to crush another person emotionally because in the earlier part of their lives, they were always emotionally hurt by the people close to them. Personally, I knew that I have that part wherein I just do something, consciously or unconsciously, to crush the person close to me who has somehow hurt me too. I just get the weirdest dramas and overreactions over the things that I do to people. I hit them emotionally, as deep as that trench in the Pacific Ocean. With Lilith in Cancers, betrayal can always be a theme. They will often be betrayed by people close to them, or near them. I cannot stress this enough – girls physically near me or emotionally close to me do this to me a lot. And I have also read other manifestations like difficulty in bearing children, etc., but I am not in that stage yet so I still have to watch out for other manifestations of Lilith in Cancer in my life. Also, I would like to add that although my mother is my worst enemy sometimes, there are no pretentions in our relationship. And she cannot hurt me without hurting herself too. She also has a Cancer moon and sometimes I think I existed in her life to be a mirror to herself.

For astrology enthusiasts out there, we know that our Midheaven or 10th house cusp is representative of our career, public image, and the way people perceive us from far away. My Midheaven is in the sign of Gemini, and I do not know exactly how people perceive me as Gemini-like, but people who do not know me that well think that I am smart, creative, and good in writing and language. I just have that reputation although I am by no means a Gemini in the way I think or see things. I also have a reputation of being dorky or nerdy before, when I didn’t pay attention to my physical beauty yet. Now, I have no planets in my 10th house cusp but my Lilith in Cancer is there. What does this mean? It means that your public image is sexy or slutty even though you are a virgin and only had two boyfriends. I am a virgin but people see me as a sensual and sexual being more than other girls around me that are sexually active. For the people who do not know me, or us who have Lilith in their Midheaven, we are the embodiment of Lilith – bad women with strong personalities, sexual, domineering, and arrogant. People just have this perception of me although that is far from reality. Yes, I may be intensely sexual because of having my major planets in Scorpio, but I am not as slutty as they think. Because Lilith is in the house of public image, then the sexiness of the native (esp. female) and its independent and strong personality is what is more obvious to the public although they may really be kind and sweet and shy. When I was younger, this reputation of mine drives me crazy. Young men get attracted to me but then young girls would also gossip about me, tear my reputation down, and badmouth me to my admirers. Some girls feel like I would steal their man from them or whatever even though I just mind my own business. This is by no means a narcissistic post, but this is an example of the manifestation of Lilith in the 10th house cusp.

Lilith is very different from a man’s chart and from a woman’s chart. The embodiment of this energy is for the females while in males’ charts, it indicates the kind of woman that they find sexually irresistible in a dark way. For me, Lilith in Cancer wounded me in very harsh ways as it involved my own mother, but it also made me aware of my subtle but emotionally destructive tendencies. Lilith in my 10th house cusp is kind of favorable for me, since I can emit sexuality whenever I want, sometimes unconsciously, and it only depends on the individual whether they would be attracted or threatened by it. Although I am often marginalized and bullied because of this, I think Lilith in my public image is lighter than having Chiron (the wounded healer) mar my own perception of myself (1st house). Sometimes the sexuality and sensuality given by my Lilith in the Midheaven works in my favor, so I have no choice but to accept it. Taylor Swift also has Lilith in the 10th house that’s why she is so attractive, especially to men, but have many female enemies and haters. Personally, I think part of that public hatred is self-inflicted, because she has let herself behave like a bitch sometimes. For women with Lilith in the Midheaven, they have to be extra careful of their behavior because this “evil seductress and manipulator” image is the most obvious to others even though the native may or may not be like that. They are infamous for their obvious sexuality, and nasty rumors and gossips just like to be around them all the time. They just carry Lilith’s energy with them and they can’t help it. Although some women are more like Lilith in their natural personalities or beings (Nicki Minaj, for example), women with Lilith on the Midheaven just get slapped by patriarchy more for behaving or appearing in such a Lilith way.

So these are all that I have to say regarding my own Lilith placement as an astrology enthusiast. Lilith has a bad reputation because she implicitly says “fuck you” to patriarchy’s face. But although she is somewhat the image of women empowerment, Lilith herself still has her own lessons to learn, like letting go a little bit of that bitchiness, being overly bad and rebellious, and sexual manipulation. That’s it for now, Namaste J

2 comments:

  1. I'm freaking out right now because we have the exact placements (except my moon is in Gemini). I was born October 12,1995. Venus, Mars conjunct Pluto in Scorpio in 3rd house. Libra Sun . Chiron House 1. Virgo Rising. Gemini Midheaven. Lilith Cancer in house 10. Ive always been made fun of. Always had rumors about me. I had the worst & most lonely childhood & have always been an excellent poet/writer. Wow reading your post made me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one enduring this. You're not alone :)

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    1. OMG Aijalon!! I was born Oct 17 1995, no wonder we have the same placments. It seems like we would understand each other very well. Thanks for letting me know! :*

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