A Teaching Career for Me!

Today is a very fateful day for me; it is so full of synchronicities that helped me let go of the wrong people who don’t actually give a fuck about me, as well as gave me surprising opportunities. I was with my sister for the whole day. We talked, cooked, and shopped together. She is a Taurus Rising, Pisces Sun, and Scorpio moon mix.

During the morning, I ranted to her about how my high school friends (my barkada here in my hometown) are ignoring me now or not seeming to care about me. I just felt ignored, unimportant, and not sought after. I thought that it was just my moon in Cancer that overreacts, because I felt anger that lasted for a week until now, but I e-mailed a psychic and discovered that my instincts were indeed right. I ranted and even said that maybe my anger just blinded me or just clouded my reason, but no. I was right.

I didn’t know whether I should be happy because I could finally trust my intuition, or sad because I lost friends that I thought were really my friends. They are fun to be with, yes, but I had been to a situation last month wherein I needed their help but they did not really give a fuck. I was so disappointed because I was really desperate at that time but they were so blind to it. They don’t care whether I am in a terrible situation or not. And that’s when I deliberately decided that I will not go to our get-togethers, partly because I feel hatred towards them, and mainly because they won’t care anyway. It’s fine to be a bit selfish and to mind our own businesses, but I just can’t accept the fact that they don’t see me as a close friend, someone to rely on, or someone to be missed. I also ate together (in a friendly manner) with my ex-boyfriend (having no choice since my “old friends” don’t want me anyway) but later on he turned out to be so selfish and ungrateful. I felt for the first time that he actually loves himself first, and he doesn’t give a fuck about me even before. We fought and I lashed out on him. He almost left me alone in the streets. What an asshole (he’s an Aquarius man too). Anyway, I guess this is just an effect of the Mars in retrograde in the sign of Scorpio which conjuncts my own natal Mars in Scorpio. It’s probably the time of purging and cleansing in a brutal way, since Scorpio is a bit harsh and intense. You don’t wanna afflict someone with Mars in Scorpio because they make formidable enemies (no boasting and exaggeration here).

And so, hours earlier, my sister and I shopped for feminist books and pretty clothes. It’s nice to have a sisterly bond and love ourselves (by buying stuff) like that. When we finally rushed to buy groceries, our old elementary school teacher found us and shouted and hugged us. My nice childhood memories in our little private school suddenly gushed through my mind. We talked like crazy and we just loved looking at each other. She was so strict back then, but I felt motherly love from her earlier. It was like I was being brought back to my old school. She feels very familiar and not intimidating at all. Perhaps I just grew up, I don’t know. It almost felt like a reunion because as the three of us were talking at the mall, three elementary schoolmates also stopped by us. It was as if fated because one of them, a valedictorian of their batch, has graduated from UP Diliman (the best university in the Philippines; again, not exaggerating) and looked smaller and thinner than me. Perhaps because of academic stress. One of them, Joaquin, has grown into a man and I almost failed to recognize him. He was with his girlfriend. Another was Ate Paulette, already pregnant by her boyfriend. Time flies so fast indeed. We inevitably became nostalgic about those times that happened about twelve years ago.

I didn’t want to let of go of an opportunity so I told our teacher that I plan on applying for a teaching job in our former school. Fortunately, her face lightened up and said that they would accept me right away! It’s because I graduated from that school and they already know my personality and mental capacity. They are really kind; they wanted to give me that opportunity just because I grew up in that school and I became very dear to them. It is a Catholic school – and although I behave like an atheist now, I still can’t deny the immense love and friendship that I have treasured from that school. I wanted to give back to them and it’s the only place wherein I could imagine myself applying for a job because it feels familiar. Teacher J and I talked about my career and plans for the future. She said that after I graduate, they would accept me right away even if I still haven’t taken the teachers’ board exam. I could review while teaching, she said. How sweet of them! And that’s how our conversation ended. We still had to buy some groceries for my vegan lifestyle.

I went home with my sister feeling very happy because I felt like my future was already secure. In my mind, the world is a battlefield; I cannot wait for job offers, I should find one or I would have none. Luckily, I still had good connections from my childhood. I know they are not corrupt or ruled by nonsensical politics there. I know that the loyal teachers there are there because they love children and teaching children. I know that it is a place of learning, growth, and seeing the world in rose-colored glasses. And I am just so happy because I can finally work and fend for myself and develop my skills in life! There is still one semester left for me, but I am already so excited for the road ahead. Life is very exciting, you know! Muah! Wish me luck! Namaste J


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