Easy to Get? (My Perspective on Men Labeling Women as Either "The Prize" or the Easy-to-Get Trash)

I will never understand male logic. Ever. After my recent heartbreak, three of my male friends got very blunt with me and said that I was too desperate for love and attention that’s why I get taken for granted. They said that Mr. Asshole Aquarius probably found me too easy to get that’s why he didn’t want to waste any time on getting to know me that well and didn’t have any regrets in leaving me after he didn’t get pleasure from my flower. Of course I was mad at first, because it is a slap to my ego, since easy-to-get girls are often shamed and labeled as sluts or girls that are only used for coital purposes. But they emphasized that an easy-to-get girl is different from a whore. An easy-to-get girl falls in love easily – but it doesn’t necessarily follow that they give away their sexuality easily. My male friends say that I really have this personality of falling in love too soon, so people perceive me as easy to get. I agree on that one, but I have another perspective about this whole thing.

First of all, it is natural for humans to feel attracted to another human. I don’t like every single guy that appears in front of me; but when I do, I just feel indignant about the fact that I get perceived as easy to get. My male friends say that men like challenges so I must not give in (whatever they perceive as “giving in”) so easily for they thrive for the excitement and thrill in the courtship phase. If that’s what they want, it’s fine – however, why can’t we all just be real? Why is love treated like a game between two sexes wherein we all have to strategize in order to win? Is love just a mind game or can it still be a beautiful thing that involves genuine emotions? Call me idealistic, but I think the right man won’t mind whether you play hard to get or not. Love and relationships for me are not all about strategizing and getting the upper hand. It is about feeling a deep connection and a sense of warmth and security. It is about happiness, understanding, and supporting each other despite each other’s flaws and irritating behavior. The man or woman who wants to be with you for real will not mind playing hard to get or not – because at the end of the day, what matters the most is the commitment to the relationship. After all, not all people who have had a long duration of courtship stay with each other for a long time. Because oftentimes, we wear a fa├žade during the courtship phase to make someone fall in love with us. The mask eventually wears out when we are in a relationship – and from that point, all inauthenticity and pretensions that happened during the courtship phase will fade away.

I think it’s not all about being easy to get. But (let’s be honest girls), we become “easy to get” when we are desperate for love and attention. We beg for the love that we didn’t get from our parents when we were children. We want to fill the void in ourselves by throwing ourselves to other people who may or may not be a good match for us. We cannot give ourselves the love that we feel we lack, so we fall in love easily for the next person in front of us. And this desperation may be reeking out of our beings during the courtship phase, and maybe the reason that we get dumped too soon is because we cannot love ourselves first. My recent heartbreak from an unavailable man made me learn so much about myself, and about men in general. It made me learn that unless we cultivate self-love, jumping from one man to another will not fill the void inside ourselves. It also made me realize how healing the presence of other women is – hence the phrase “sisters before misters”. For now, I guess I will take the time to really really take care of myself first and develop my own self-worth so as to avoid giving myself too easily to men who don’t even deserve me. That’s it. Girl power! J


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