Aphrodite and the Rose


Last week, I have started making my Book of Shadows. It is black, as it traditionally is, with hints of pink all over. I feel like I had to put pink in it because it represents my personality. My identity is tied to pink – even my room is full of shades of pink. My first ever Book of Shadows got me so excited because I can put my Wiccan researches there, I can use my creativity again, it can be my journal of magic, and I can put my own spells there. This is my Book of Shadows:


As I was writing the contents of my BoS, I thought that maybe I should also include different goddesses from different pantheons so as to know them all personally and pick my patron goddess. At first I picked Aphrodite, as she is the ruler of Libra, my sun sign, and because I am really all about love and beauty. I desire love and beauty in my life as if I have come down to have a physical incarnation just to have those experiences. But then as I was searching the internet, I came across a goddess named Antheia, the goddess of flowers and flowery wreaths. By then it made sense to me – I love flowers so much because my name itself is the name of the goddess of flowers! I wrote in my BoS that my patron goddesses were Aphrodite and Antheia, but I wasn’t so sure yet. I just like them more than the other goddesses because they represent my personality more.

But days later, I decided that maybe Aphrodite really is my goddess because I connect with her causes more. And I think my personality is more similar to her. I was praying to her to give me beauty, because my ex-boyfriend has just lowered my self-esteem again. A few days ago, a stall which sells different kinds of plants appeared near my college. There was a variety of flowers but I was so attracted to the rose…as if the rose calls me subconsciously. No matter how I ignored the red rose plant, I always came back to see it. And eventually I bought it. I have never been so excited in my life!!! I brought it to my dorm, placed it in a sunny area, and I water it every morning. I even made rose tea out of its dried flower petals.

But yesterday, when I started menstruating (it always coincides with the full moon), I fed my little rose plant named Maria Britney Spears my menstrual blood – for I had to give it my life essence so it would give me back its life essence. The menstrual blood is very powerful, especially in spells, and was feared by men especially in the ancient times so it was demonized as a dirty thing. The menstruation period is a very powerful time for women, but most of us are just not aware of it.

And as I was reading about flowers and their spiritual or Wiccan significance, I was delighted when I discovered (this is surely not new to you) that the rose and Aphrodite has a very special connection. It is Aphrodite’s flower, she created it:

“Aphrodite and, thus, love, were first associated when she heard of her beloved Adonis’ mortal wounds. She ran, blinded by love, and thorns sliced at her feet as she moved. Her blood mixed with the thorns, bound them into a new shape, dangerously lovely: the red rose. She flew to Adonis’ side, but not fast enough; and she wept as he died in her arms. [source]”

Therefore, now we have this coincidence of picking Aphrodite as my goddess and having a rose for a plant. Maybe it was her way of telling me that she is indeed my patron goddess? However, a rose is a flower too and Antheia is the goddess of flowers. Or perhaps I was really right in picking the two of them as my goddesses: the major being Aphrodite and the minor being Antheia. And this is all because of a rose, which is now my favorite flower. Namaste J

Witch


My mother once said, stay away from occult,
It is a mortal sin, you bitch.
But my heart leads me to deities, astrology,
And magick for I am a witch.

Searching the truth from many religions
Still nothing is suited for me.
Yet when I prayed with a pink candle
The love goddess spoke to me.

In my solitary path, I always find myself
Bleeding under the moon
The lunar light, with beauty so bright
Sent women to care for this loon.

Lighting incense, cones or sticks
Candle rituals for the elements four
Planting roses, growing hair long
And drinking moon water to roar.

Crystals, pendulums, and talismans
Making potions and tinctures in jars
I am a witch, I tap my power within
And without from the earth, sky, and stars.

Lady Moon


When Lady Moon was at its full,
It awakened the goddess inside me.
Aphrodite nudged, release your power,
And my womb has started bleeding.

Water jars charged with lunar care
Burning white candles around the pentacle
When Lady Moon was at its full,
I freed my strength from my long, long hair.

When Lady Moon was at its full,
I prayed and thanked the Divine Feminine.
I started receiving from other women
The goddess’s nurturing beauty.

I bought Aphrodite’s bloody rose plant
And nurtured it with my red life essence
When Lady Moon was as its full,
I transform into a goddess.

Broken Mug: An Omen?

I want to buy more of these mugs :3
I believe that there is no such thing as coincidence, and that everything happens for a reason. A few hours ago, as I was washing the dishes (very few dishes since I am at a boarding school), my favorite pink mug with “kawaii” designs suddenly broke. Perhaps it was out of clumsiness, perhaps it was because I was distracted, but I think that something happened during that split-second because I am always very careful in whatever I do. The idea that entered my mind right away was “change” – because no matter how I liked that beautiful mug, the situation made me think that things are temporal and I’d have to replace it at some time. Yet I mourned for that mug as I threw it in the trash can. L Aww. And then I searched the internet for its meaning.

Unfortunately, there are no specific pages that particularly discuss the breaking of mugs or cups. The ones that show up are the breaking of glasses or mirrors. And interestingly, most cultures interpret breaking of glasses or mirrors as seven years of bad luck. Or it may not really be seven years, but most people see it as a bad omen. However, there were also random comments or answers about this that interest me: some say that these types of incidents become meaningful right after starting to perform rituals (shamanic, magickal, Wiccan, etc.); some say that someone or something is trying to get your attention, you are being summoned or thought of by someone either by your relative, family, close friend, or someone from your past; some say that regular dropping and breaking of things may be a message telling you to stop whatever you are doing because that is not where you are supposed to be; some say it means you have to be more careful; some say that the broken object shielded you from the harm that was supposed to be done on you; while some say that it is a sign of luck or good omen.

I don’t know yet what the real meaning of it is for me, but so far my family is not hurt in any way. It is alarming and yet exciting at the same time, since I now get more omens and I am becoming more aware of them. For now I can’t say that it’s just an accident, and I will certainly be on the lookout for more things that are bound to happen. Take care of your breakable things, and have a nice day. J

The Rejection Pattern (Part 2)


Today is a bad day for me. It was because of several factors, but the biggest thing that threw me off guard was rejection. The rejection pattern in my life resurfaced and my inner child’s wounds were triggered. The bleeding sores were opened again and I cannot stand its rotten smell. I thought I was done with that horrible thing but that big REJECTION still knocks me off the ground. I can’t believe I was rejected. It was a big slap on my ego. I can’t believe I am being treated this way.

I will not go into detail regarding why today is a bad day for me, because I am currently receiving rejection from several beings and from several aspects of my life right now. My already low self-esteem was crushed again. But I think I also have to let go of my habit of pleasing everyone and making sure that people like me – because sometimes the universe just shows you circumstances wherein they really won’t. And you can’t force them to like you by doing everything like being frank with them, saying all your prayers to the universe, or doing Wiccan spells, because we cannot mess with people’s free will. Some people treat me really well; but people who treat us badly really overpower those who show their love for us. I want to be healed but I do not know how. L

What makes me unhappy, I have noticed, is that I keep wanting what I do not have. I take for granted everything that is there and I set my eyes on the things that are out of my reach. This, in return, makes me lose more. I am a stubborn being; I cannot learn my lesson. And I don’t know what it is either! Rejection hurts a lot. And if I am to ponder on the esoteric lesson behind these trials, I am not quite sure, but maybe the universe wants me to practice allowing. When it comes to beings with free will, maybe I do not have to get them for myself like objects. Maybe I just have to go with the flow and let beings who resonate with me naturally befriend me. Someday I will not try so hard to make people like me again and just allow whatever comes my way. Because rejection is scary. But I don’t know yet. I don’t know. 

Prophetic Dreams (Part II)


Nowadays, I light purple candles especially during the night to aid me to have psychic abilities. I still don’t know if that would work, but there is no harm in trying, right? I love them because they have a lavender scent. I also noticed that I tend to get sleepy when I have lighted candles around. Nature is still the one who can lull us best to sleep. J

But speaking of dreams, those that I remember the most vividly right after waking up are what I consider to be “prophetic”. I am not really psychic, I don’t have visions of the future and all that stuff, but somehow when I dream of the people who are (or were) close to my heart, the dreams often are close to being literal or true. I dreamt about my ex-friend and she said sorry to me. We reconciled in my dream and became best friends (again) afterwards. In my dream, I wanted her to be with my side always. And we were very happy together. We were as close as sisters. J So in real life, I expected her to approach me so we can patch things up – but she is still avoiding me. Sometimes when I catch her staring at me, whether purposely or accidentally, she immediately changes her focus or tries to leave right away. If my intuition is right, she may be thinking of befriending me again but she is too shy. I also cannot detect hatred from her anymore. Sometimes I ask my candles to help in our ruined friendship, but still we cannot mess with a person’s free will. And I can still live my life without her anyway. But I know that my heart still misses her.

I also dreamt of my ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with just before we could reach two years in our relationship. I dreamt that I was with my high school friends and the news that he already has another girl reached me. I was so mad and I tried chasing and confronting him, but he was just shrugging and denying and continuing to enjoy his life. When I woke up, I texted him and asked whether my dream was true. He was treating me badly with his words, denying at first, but then I extracted the information that I need, but not necessarily satisfying to me. My dream was so true – he is now having sexual relations with a girl that according to him is so beautiful that I was nothing compared to her. He said that he likes the girl, but he’s doubting whether to court her or not. They were friends with benefits, according to him. Every time he talks about her I feel stabbed, and my self-worth took a very deep dive down into the earth’s core. So since then, I became determined to use all of my power to make myself more beautiful so I wouldn’t have to be told again that I am not. Because it hurts me. Now I frequently pray to Venus for guidance and help.

Hopefully, as I go along my spiritual journey, my third eye chakra would open and I could have more prophetic dreams. Not all of them have good messages for me, but at least I am aware – which would make me less likely to be fooled or be shocked at the grim realities of life. So that’s just it for today, Namaste! J

Dear Mr. D


Dear Mr. D,

I am sorry for falling in love with you right after we kissed. I always get a shock after I get kissed by someone other than a boyfriend; and I really want to apologize for being this way. I am just not the type who is okay with one night stands. I am certain that you are pretty intuitive so you might already have an idea that I had a slight crush on you that’s why I allowed you to kiss me. I get pretty emotional after that because for me, kissing my lips equates to touching my delicate soul and peeping into the depths of my raw self. It was intense attraction for me; and I am not sure if it was just pure lust on your part, but I hate being strangers after those kinds of events. I want to take care of you. I want to pamper and nurture you.

Before it happened, we were chatting happily and you were starting to pinch my nose and wrap your arms around me. Of course it was only a kiss. You just slept in the midst of me and your sister and it was nothing more than a kiss. And I had to admit that every tactile action that you made delighted me; you are such a sensual person and I would love to possess you. Until we woke up you were still hugging me. I loved it, I tell you. But we must be apart for the sake of appearances. There are lots of reasons why we must not be together – and I myself am also starting to think that maybe you just wanted to have fun with me. If that’s the case, you picked the wrong person. I take things really personally and seriously. And I think I have fallen in love with you pretty quickly.

Someone advised me that I must not rush into things and that I must take time in getting to know young men like you. Yes, we do not know each other. And we cannot justify what happened with other than physical attraction. I also know that you wouldn’t leave right away if your sister did not get angry. I like you so much. After you left, I was feeling happiness but then as the hours went by, I started getting stressed and crazy for no reason. I got physically weak and my stomach ached. I knew that it was caused by some kind of emotional baggage. It may be medically explained, but I think it was because I started to think that you only played with me and probably won’t show up in my life again. Those thoughts were painful because I want you to take care of me, even though you are younger. I really don’t care. I don’t know what you are thinking right now, but I am thinking that my life will still be open for you in the future. I know that it will be very wrong for me to pursue you, being an incarnation of the divine feminine, so right now I will just prepare myself for you or for the right person (if it is not you) by focusing on school and career stuff. Take care, Mr. D. J

Burning Candles


It has only been two weeks since I started lighting candles to help me send my desires out to the universe and manifest them quickly. I forgot where I got the idea, but I think it was from a video from Wisdom from North about our guardian angels, and eventually it led to me to study Wicca (I will make a separate post about this) – and I have never been so excited in my life. For several years I have been jumping from religion to religion until I became a New Age person, and now I think I will finally devote most of my time to Wicca because I am really, really drawn to it. And just to make sure if putting desires onto candles is really effective, I asked a psychic and he agreed to it – especially if I believe that candles work, according to him. He even recommended pink candles (for love and friendships), green (for money), and white (for spiritual cleansing and clarity of mind). That’s just what he thinks I need in my life right now. J And in addition to those three colors, I also burn red candles for added sexual magnetism and courage.

Witches or Wiccans can never have too many candles. I have lots in my closet and still plan to buy lots in the future. Now you may ask, is burning candles really effective? So far, the pink and red candles are effective in my life – maybe because it has only been a few days since I purchased white and green candles. After I started burning pink candles on a daily basis, I think I have become more approachable even though my personality is still shy, and people have become friendlier towards me. Even a few people whom I had uncomfortable relationships with before have become friendly towards me. I also noticed that more and more people trust me for help. I have also asked for beauty from the pink candles; and I don’t really know if it’s really the candles’ workings but for the past few weeks, I tend to hear more compliments about my physical appearance even though I have insecurities regarding my thin body frame. I seldom light red candles but I think it has worked since I had an unexpected intimate encounter with someone I had a slight crush on. It was really unexpected for all of us. There were no seductive actions on my part; it just happened. And it is kind of unforgettable. In my journal I have more evidences of the red candles’ workings, but I think I won’t burn them that often since it has the capability of complicating one’s life and destroying other relationships.

Of all the candles I have burnt, the green ones take the most time to finish. Its flame is also smaller than the other colored candles. Maybe I will keep lighting that since I really need money and abundance in my life right now. And notably, the white candles are the only candles that emit smoke. If the information from the internet is right, then maybe white candles really cleanse any negativity in my soul or room and release them through black smoke. I also try to read signs through ceromancy and pyromancy, and these things lead me more and more to having a witch’s lifestyle. And if you are planning on burning candles yourself, I can say from experience that they really work – especially if your intentions are good and not very selfish, to the point that you already control other people’s free will. As of now, I am only burning scented tea lights because they’re the cheapest, and I still plan on buying Wiccan or pagan candle holders. Good luck on your own spiritual journey, and blessed be!

When I grow up, my altar will surely look better than this. :p

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