The New Year 2016, and Reflections on the Year 2015

my support system since 2008 (26th of December, 2015)

The year 2014 had been a bit too harsh for me, because it was definitely my year of tested, wounded, and broken friendships. It was also a year of too much hardship in my academic life. It was a year of fear, of intensely negative thoughts, of deep insecurities, of enemies nearby, of weakness, and of trauma. If you may remember on my post last year about doing better on 2015 (“2014” and “AProvoked Phoenix”), I vowed to take revenge for what has been done to me during 2014 by taking care of my health, beauty, studies, and writing career. I vowed that I will certainly embody a phoenix rising from the ashes. Looking back on what I did or what I have gone through on 2015, I feel a sense of satisfaction because I was given tough challenges and obligations mostly by difficult authority figures and I have successfully overcome them. It was a year of drastic change, because I changed residences and friends in the blink of an eye that the people around me were in shock and looked at me in a bad way when I only did what was best for me. I cut of several ties with negative people and walked alone in my path. I faced several rejections bravely, knowing that I only did the right thing for myself, had encounters with toxic people, and learned the lesson of trusting our gut instincts when it comes to people – that if you feel badly about someone and you don’t know why, they probably are bad for you. Sometimes giving some people the benefit of the doubt only gives us too much trouble. I have really encountered people who are insecure enough to go out of their way only to destroy you. And during 2015, I have learned to fight. I have learned to fight illnesses, enemies (in a quiet, subtle way), myself, and situations or places that trap you.

During the year 2015, I continued taking care of myself; only this time, health-wise. I did sessions of liver flushes and months after it was completed, my face became smoother and clearer. I also became a sucker for essential oils like sunflower, coconut and sesame oils. I use them for my rashes, and as my nighttime facial mask. Rather than using commercialized products, I think it is better and safer and healthier to go for natural products. Although I am still struggling to put on some weight, which gravely affects my self-image, I now have a calmer and more mature disposition than before. Because before, I was really attention-seeking. That was how I cover up my insecurities. Now I have a bigger place for acceptance of these insecurities in my being. I have become more accepting and forgiving of myself. I have learned to love myself authentically when during 2014, I was really struggling to find out the real meaning of self-love. Yet, 2015 was not easy. I still had lots of interpersonal conflicts with people, as I was finding my way into alignment. I have left my boyfriend named Al John Omo for a childhood crush/friend of mine whom I was more connected and in harmony with. It was so painful for me because we did have some genuinely happy moments together and we were a part of each other. I guess I really needed him during 2014 when my life was in deep chaos, and he has healed my insecurities. I also did not get back to my old friend, Desry, because I think we have already learned the lessons that we needed to learn from each other and that it’s really time to move on. I cannot really see myself back with her because we have so much differences and the wound that she inflicted on me was so deep and unforgettable. It’s not a failed friendship – it was a successful friendship, but it’s just already time to move on and forget about each other. During this year, my family has also gone through great challenges because both my father and my sister had been hospitalized several times. Our family wealth has diminished into pennies. My sister had ovarian cancer, but thankfully, she has recovered easily before the start of a new year. This was also a year when I walked in my path alone (because I had to), not surrounded by a group of friends unlike before, and it surely was lonely. It was a crazy year, but I surprisingly had stabler emotions.

Anyway, these are the awesome things that I have manifested this year:

A new boyfriend who loves and suits me better

Leaving my ex-boyfriend was so painful. It was even more painful for him – and I always cry whenever he tells me his long sentiments through text. If possible, he didn’t want to let me go, but I knew deep in my heart that it is time for me to move on to another relationship. It’s for my own spiritual growth anyway. My new boyfriend now is like someone who came out of a fairytale because he was my childhood crush, and through him I manifested my ideal boyfriend. He is very open-minded to anything spiritual that I say, he loves couple items and finds them cute, he is willing to take me everywhere to date me, he is willing to change for me, he loves kissing me for hours, he finds my eccentricities adorable, he loves to show me off to everyone, his family adores me, he sees me as a strong and unique woman, he always gives up during our arguments, he opens up his soul to me, and he wants to marry he. During my past relationships, I always give way to my ex-boyfriends and they cannot understand my inclination to spirituality. They also still find other women beautiful and want me to change my simplicity in order to be a trophy girlfriend. They would not leave their horrible vices for me. They have established too many restricting rules that did not allow me to grow in the way that I wanted. They did not accept who I really am, but now I have manifested someone who sees me as the most precious jewel in the world. Our tastes in music are very similar, and our minds work almost very similarly, as if he is my soul mate. Every single thing that my ex-boyfriends lacked is in him. Probably I have learned to love myself more that’s why I attracted someone in my current reality who accepts everything about me.

More compliments of my beauty and acceptance from others

During the late 2014 and early 2015, I always get comments from people that I should put more meat in my bones. Those comments were out of displeasure, but now I get fewer comments about my body weight. Of course I am still thin, but now, people tend to mention that my body is still proportionate despite my thinness, that my petite-ness suits me anyway, visually and personality-wise. Before, I still get lots of comments that judge me in a negative way. Now, people tend to appreciate and understand me more despite my moodiness and imperfections. People are more tolerant. They tend to appreciate that I am being myself and that my mistakes and quirks allow them to be more relaxed and less perfect too.

A healthier body

Of course I still cannot afford having a vegetarian lifestyle as I am still a student, but my clearer face shows that I am now cleaner inside. After being ill during the whole month of July, I have confirmed my belief that western medicine is all about profits and not really about the well-being of the patients. I had a really bad experience when my mother insisted that we go to a clinic and I take the medicine prescribed by the doctor. I rebelled so much because my mother did not understand and she was as stubborn as me. As a result, I did not recover from the medicine and only developed a fish allergy which I did not have before. This experience made me learn that I must listen to my own gut instincts and follow only what I believe to be right, and not rely on other people’s ignorance.

Respect from other people

Before I went to college, some people (who don’t even look handsome or pretty themselves) were too confident in bringing me down through their snickers, backstabbings, negative comments, and criticisms about me that break my heart. But now, as I have said earlier, people tend to be more accepting of even my negative qualities and understand them. Recently, I always find myself paying very low than normal or free transportation fares. People get so kind to me – except the women maybe. Some women still stare at me for whatever reason, and still harbor malice. However, what’s good is that they do not confront me with negativities anymore and that they just swallow their own insecurities without harming me. My boyfriend’s family really respect me and look at me in a positive light, as they could only comment positively about me like I am more beautiful in person, I have a nice hair, I am kind, etc. The people around their neighborhood do not harbor bad intentions on me; in fact, they see me as an attractive girl and they see my boyfriend as a very lucky man. People tend to respect me as a person now and they give me just exactly what I need. More people also greet me good morning, good afternoon, etc. which is really so polite of them. This is a big deal for me and just one of the reasons for my satisfaction because I really suffered from negative attention all over as a child.

Spiritual growth and maturity

Spiritual growth will never be as quick as a blink of an eye. For most humans, it takes too many challenges and struggles in order to learn. During the past two semesters, I always watch spiritual videos from Teal Swan, Wisdom From North (Jannecke Oinaes), Infinite Waters (Ralph Smart), Channeling Erik (Elisa and Erik Medhus), Eckhart Tolle, etc. Practicing acceptance and treading the easy path is not that easy. I, or we, rather, have gotten used to the path of hardships, thinking that it is the better one to take. At the end of 2015, I have learned to just let go of negative emotions after embracing them and take the path of ease. We do not always have to be in “competition mode” in life. That’s exhausting. I have performed better in college when I always think of my inspiration (my new love life) and when I do not mind other people’s business. I always found myself depressed when I think about what other people think about me. But the more I took the courage to leave behind things or people who do not serve me anymore, and go for the things that make me happy no matter how shallow they are, the happier I became. And the happier I became, the more I found it easier to accept and understand other people. Before, I was really a faultfinder – in myself and in other people – but now I tend to find the good qualities in others and they do the same to me. I get showered now in compliments and positive attention, which are the very things that I was deprived of when I was a child. Health and happiness are already within my reach before the end of 2015, and I surely have accomplished last year’s goal of moving on, acceptance, adapting to big changes, and improved health and beauty. Because now I can definitely see beauty in my family, relationships, surroundings, and the mirror. Thank God I have manifested so many things by just following my shallowest happiness and throwing my expectations out the door. I think 2015 has definitely prepared me for 2016 which is going to be a blast. I am now wiser, stronger, prettier, calmer, and happier. And I thank the universe for letting me stay in this third-dimensional earthly plane for another year. :) 

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