A Woman Put a Curse on Me (Dream)

Me: I had a really scary dream last night. My friend (Angel) and I were riding in a tricycle and it was nighttime. We were with other female passengers. My friend warned me about strangers trying to touch you without permission because sometimes they put a curse on you and you don’t know it. I was very wary of one passenger and when I caught her trying to touch me, I avoided her so much while being shocked. The other passengers were shocked too, and since she was caught she just cursed me openly. She said I would have three ears. I am not sure, but it’s something about my ears. The female passengers froze and just stared. My friend couldn’t help me, and was avoiding the situation. I was screaming at her because of that.

Lawrence: A woman trying to touch you that you didn’t know might mean that women find you attractive and maybe turned on by you. I know you’re not into women, but that doesn’t mean women aren’t into you. It’s not a bad dream at all. Best x

Papa Is Dying (Dream)

Me: When I was having my menstruation this December, I just slept the whole day for a few days. I was really unproductive. In one afternoon slumber, I dreamt that there were two groups. The other group took my father away and it was their fault that he was dying. They couldn’t use him for competition because he is fighting for his life on his deathbed. For several days they kept him there, curing him, but I knew that he was going to die. He was dying but they kept on curing him. They were stubborn. And that is all I can remember.

Lawrence: Hi Anthea. Your father dying might be that he has health issues in the future, and medical people are taking care of him. Maybe he needs to go in for a physical check-up and do blood work to make sure he is okay. The dream could mean other things, too. Like if your father wasn’t here you would be independent but bringing him back from his deathbed can mean he still has control over you. Again it can mean many things. 

I Passed the Civil Service Exam!

The results came out more than two weeks ago, but I neither have the time nor the energy to write my excitement about it. It is a big deal here to pass the Civil Service Exam in just one take because it shows just how capable you are. It is a requirement for employment in the Philippine government; the passers are definitely preferred over those who are not.

Anyway, I couldn’t benefit from it right away because I am still a college student who isn’t able to graduate on time. I guess this is just one way of investing for my future. Just minutes ago I watched a documentary film about Kate Moss. I wasn’t dreaming of being a supermodel since I don’t have the height and confidence, but somehow I like their punk and external perfection. Having beauty gives you confidence and a nice impression which can also make employers hire you. I don’t know yet what will happen to me but the future became clearer and clearer with each setback and triumph like passing this exam. To be honest, I still don’t know what would become of me but I am clear in my desire of looking better. Just looking better – not necessarily the best-looking. Beauty and being surrounded by beauty just makes me happy.

My two girlfriends and I just started studying for this exam a week before. We had exactly seven days to prepare; good thing there are available reviewers from bookstores and the internet. None of what we have studied came out in the exam since the reviewers only teach you patterns of how to think during the examination. The easiest for me was the vocabulary and grammar, while the hardest for me was mathematics. Being a Literature and History major, I am less exposed to math than the other examinees so I was really worried that math would make me fail. Luckily it didn’t!

Passing the admission test for the university that I am in now is deemed the hardest in this country; that fact alone makes me and my schoolmates very proud. The Civil Service Exam is the first eligibility (?) examination I have taken in five years, and I have passed it easily, so I wonder whether I am capable or I am just lucky. I’d like to believe that it’s both. Or maybe this experience only proves that endurance and a strong willpower is enough to get everything that we want.

Now I just have to be clear in the direction that I want to take because the only thing that keeps me from achieving my dreams and being independent is that I am so lost. And I just want to be lost for a while because I don’t know what I want anymore. I’d like to partly blame the schools and universities for this because too much structure, rigidity, and restriction can make people lose themselves. Starting this January, I’d take a few months off from school in order for me to reflect long enough about the life or career that I want for myself. Kate Moss’ experience is ideal, Britney Spears too, but I don’t know. That’s just too high and idealistic. I’ve got to prepare for other things like graduation because right now I already have the eligibility for government jobs (just in case I got lost again and I just want money to survive). Namaste!

Big Black Birds in Bald Trees (Dream)

Me: I had a very long dream and only the last part is clear. But in the middle of the dream, I was with many people outside, in what seems like a confusing procession because people are scattered in all directions, and I found myself being with a boy or two boys and I even had a crush on one of them. We get along well but I really forgot what happened.

The last part of the dream is when I was roaming around the building where my parents work in. But first, I saw trees outside which were short and bald, and each of the trees had a big, black bird perching there. Anyway, I was wandering around inside the building and then I found three people talking to themselves about how gorgeous the accessories made by one of them are. I saw the earrings, and it was big and square with a cartoon face of a girl and “Sofia Versace” is even written on the earrings. One of them probably got bored and talked to me, and we agreed to look around the place to buy accessories for ourselves.

However, this person I was with named Christina went ahead, probably expecting that I would follow her. However, I saw my father driving his motorcycle below us and he slowly smiled at me. I knew that that smile meant that I had to get in his motorcycle so we can go home together. My father and I went out the building and my friend was already out of sight. I wanted to say to her that I will be going home and shout to her but my parents (mama and papa) prevented me. We were in an area outside where there were bald and short trees with big black birds. My Papa even shooed away one black bird that seems to look like a vulture. But maybe it was a raven. It was just so big. That is all that I can remember.

Lawrence: Hi Anthea. Birds in trees represent freedom because they can fly through the sky and rest in the tree. Your father coming to get you on the motorcycle is a possessive father and one you might want to get away from – but yet you always return to his domain. I don’t know about the boys in the dream, but to me it means moving out of your home in the future. It might be difficult because of always returning to the home. When you do move make sure you don’t move back; be the crow and fly out of your home when you’re ready.

The Education of Little Tree by Forrest Carter (Quotes)

This book is about the childhood of a Native American orphan boy in the 1930’s, raised by his grandparents and by nature. It was so charming and poignant at the same time; I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. While I was reading it, it feels like I was also being educated by the Cherokees. I have written some quotes from the book that I personally want to read from time to time in order to remind myself of some Native American wisdom.

About Man

“A man rises of his own will in the morning.”

“Ol’ Tel-qui is like some people. Since he knows everything, he won’t never look down to see what’s around him. Got his head stuck up in the air too high to learn anything.”

“Granpa had all the natural enemies of a mountain man. Add on to that he was poor without saying and more Indian than not. I suppose today, the enemies would be called ‘the establishment,’ but to Granpa, whether sheriff, state or federal revenue agent, or politician of any stripe, he called them ‘the law,’ meaning powerful monsters who had no regard for how folks had to live and get by.”

“Like Granpa said, ol’ Maud had no smell sense at all and was practical worthless on a fox trail; but she had keen hearing and eyesight, and this gave her something she could do and take pride in knowing she was of worth. Granpa said if a hound or anybody else has got no feeling of worth, then it’s a bad thing.”

“Granpa said he had many’s the time seen that same kind of thing, feelings taking over sense, make as big a fools out of people as it had ol’ Rippit. Which I reckin is so.”

“Granpa said that if there was less words, there wouldn’t be as much trouble in the world. He said privately to me that there was always some damn fool making up a word that served no purpose except to cause trouble. Which is reasonable. Granpa favored the sound, or how you said a word, as to its meaning. He said folks that spoke different words could feel the same thing by listening to the sound of music. Granma agreed with him, because that’s the way they talked to each other.”

“Granma’s name was Bonnie Bee. I knew that when I heard him late at night say, ‘I kin ye, Bonnie Bee,’ he was saying ‘I love ye,’ for the feeling was in the words. And when they would be talking and Granma would say, ‘Do ye kin me, Wales?’ and he would answer, ‘I kin ye,’ it meant, ‘I understand ye.’ To them, love and understanding was the same thing. Granma said you couldn’t love something you didn’t understand; nor could you love people, nor God, if you didn’t understand the people and God.”

“Granpa and Granma had an understanding, and so they had a love. Granma said the understanding run deeper as the years went by, and she reckined it would get beyond anything mortal folks could think upon or explain. And so they called it ‘kin.’”

“Granpa said back before his time ‘kinfolks’ meant any folks that you understood and had an understanding with, so it meant ‘loved folks.’ But people got selfish, and brought it down to mean just blood relatives; but that actually it was never meant to mean that.”

“Granma and Granpa wanted me to know of the past, for ‘If ye don’t know the past, then ye will not have a future. If ye don’t know where your people have been, then ye won’t know where your people are going.’ And so they told me most of it.”

“Far behind them, the empty wagons rattled and rumbled and served no use. The wagons could not steal the soul of the Cherokee. The land was stolen from him, his home; but the Cherokee would not let the wagons steal his soul.”

“And as the Cherokee walked farther from his mountains, he began to die. His soul did not die, nor did it weaken. It was the very young and the very old and the sick.”

“I got pretty wet, splashing in the spring branch, but Granma never said anything. Cherokees never scolded their children for having anything to do with the woods.”

“…Granma said you could easy spot dead people. She said dead people when they looked at a woman saw nothing but dirty; when they looked at other people they saw nothing but bad; when they looked at a tree they saw nothing but lumber and profit; never beauty. Granma said they was dead people walking around.”

“He said it was a funny thing, but when you got old and remembered them you loved, you only remembered the good, never the bad, which proved the bad didn’t count nohow.”

“When ye hear somebody using words agin’ somebody, don’t go by his words, fer they won’t make no damn sense. Go by his tone, and ye’ll know if he’s mean and lying.”

“Granpa said they was only one thing certain. The Indian was not never going to git control. Which appeared not likely.”

“The Indian never fishes or hunts for sport, only for food. Granpa said it was the silliest damn thing in the world to go around killing something for sport. He said the whole thing, more than likely, was thought up by politicians between wars when they wasn’t gittin’ people killed so they could keep their hand in on killing. Granpa said that idjits taken it up without a lick of thinking at it, but if you could check it out – politicians started it. Which is likely.”

“Granma said very few was picked to have the total love of the trees, the birds, the waters – the rain and the wind. She said as long as I lived I could always come home to them, where other children would find their parents gone and would feel lonesome; but I wouldn’t ever be.”

“Once, after we taken our seats, I found a long knife laying where I set. It was as long as Granpa’s and had a deer skin sheath that was fringed. Granma said Willow John gave it to me. That is the way Indians give gifts. They do not present it unless they don’t mean it and are doing it for a reason. They leave it for you to find. You would not get the gift if you didn’t deserve it, and so it is foolish to thank somebody for something you deserve, or make a show of it. Which is reasonable.”

“Granpa said that preachers got so taken up with theirselves that they got the notion they personal held the door handle on the pearly gates and wouldn’t let nobody in without their say-so. Grandpa figgered the preachers thought God didn’t have nothing atall to do with it.”

“He cut loose with the big stick acrost my back. The first time it hurt; but I didn’t cry. Granma had learnt me. Oncet when I stumped off my toenail…she learnt me how the Indian bears pain. He lets his body mind go to sleep, and with his spirit mind, he moves out of his body and sees the pain – instead of feeling the pain.”

About Nature and Animals

“Mon-o-lah, the earth mother, came to me through my moccasins. I could feel her push and swell here, and sway and give there…and the roots that veined her body and the life of the water-blood, deep inside her. She was warm and springy and bounced me on her breast, as Granma said she would.”

“Granpa knew the thinking of the ‘coon too and laughed at his mischievous ways, and swore a solemn oath that on occasion, the ‘coon had laughed at him. He knew where the turkey ran, and could track a bee from water to hive with a look of his eye. He could make the deer come to him, because he knew his curious nature; and he could ease through a covey of quail without stirring a wing. But he never bothered them, except for what he needed and I know they understood.”

“Granma said I would come to know that the old sweet gum tree in my secret place had a spirit too. Not a spirit of humans, but a tree spirit. She said her Pa had taught her all about it.”

“We listened to the birds while we worked. If the birds fly off and the tree crickets stop singing – look out.”

“I bent low to ol’ Ringers face and told him I ‘preciated him looking for me in the mountains, and I was sorry. Ol’ Ringer didn’t mind, he licked my face, letting me know he’d just as soon do it all over again.”

“Everything growing wild is a hundred times stronger than tame things. We pulled the wild onions from the ground and just a handful would carry more flavor than a bushel of tame onions.”

“If a tree has been hanging on, having weathered all the winter winds, She [Mother Earth] figures it needs cleaning out, She whips it up out of the ground and flings it down the mountain. She goes over the branches of every bush and tree, and after She feels around a little with Her wind fingers, then She whips them clean and proper of anything that is weak.”

“Any berries you see the birds don’t eat, you had better not eat.”

“Every bird that comes around your cabin in the mountains is a sign of something. That’s what the mountain folks believe, and if you want to believe you can, for it’s so. I believed. So did Granpa.”

“Birds, just like everything else, know if you like them. If you do, they will come all around you. Our mountains and hollows was filled with birds: mockingbirds and flickers, red-winged blackbirds and indian hens, meadowlarks and chip-wills, robins and bluebirds, hummingbirds and martins – so many that there is no way to tell of them all.”

“Far back in the mountains, we heard two wildcats mating. They sounded like they were screaming mad, but Granpa said mating feels so good that cats can’t help but scream about it.”

“Once you start planting, you have to be careful. There are times when you can’t plant. You must begin by remembering that anything growing below the ground, such as turnips or ‘taters won’t be any bigger than a pencil.”

“Anything that grows above ground, such as corn, beans, peas and such, must be planted in the light of the moon. If it isn’t, you’ll not make much of a crop of it.”

About the Way of Life

“Don’t feel sad, Little Tree. It is The Way. Tal-con caught the slow and so the slow will raise no children who are also slow. Tal-con eats a thousand ground rats who eat the eggs of the quail – both the quick and the slow eggs – and so Tal-con lives by The Way. He helps the quail.”

“It is The Way. Take only what ye need. When ye take the deer, do not take the best. Take the smaller and the slower and then the deer will grow stronger and always give you the meat. Pa-koh, the panther, knows and so must ye.”

“Only Ti-bi, the bee, stores more than he can use…and so he is robbed by the bear, and the ‘coon…and the Cherokee. It is so with people who store and fat themselves with more than their share. They will have it taken from them. And there will be wars over it…and they will make long talks, trying to hold more than their share. They will say a flag stands for their right to do this…and men will die because of the words and the flag…but they will not change the rules of The Way.”

“Granma said I had done right, for when you come on something that is good, first thing to do is share it with whoever you can find; that way, the good spreads out to where no telling it will go. Which is right.”

“Granma said everybody has two minds. One of the minds has to do with the necessaries for body living. You had to use it to figure how to get shelter and eating and such like for the body. She said you had to use it to mate and have young’uns and such. She said we had to have that mind so as we could carry on. But she said we had another mind that had nothing atall to do with such. She said it was the spirit mind.”

“Granma said if you used the body-living mind to think greedy or mean; if you was always cuttin’ at folks with it and figuring how to material profit off’n them…then you would shrink up your spirit mind to a size no bigger’n a hickor’nut.”

“Granma said that the spirit mind was like any other muscle. If you used it it got bigger and stronger. She said the only way it could get that way was using it to understand, but you couldn’t open the door to it until you quit being greedy and such with your body mind. Then understanding commenced to take up, and the more you tried to understand, the bigger it got.”

“Then there was the summer – our growed-up lives – and autumn when we got older and had that peculiar feeling in our spirits of being back in time. Some folks call it nostalgia and sadness. The winter with everything dead or seeming to be, like our bodies when they die, but born again just like the spring. Granma said the Cherokees knew, and had learned it long ago.”

“Granma’s Pa was called Brown Hawk. She said his understanding was deep. He could feel the tree-thought. Once, she said, when she was a little girl, her Pa was troubled and said the white oaks on the mountain near them was excited and scared. He spend much time on the mountain, walking among the oaks. They were of much beauty, tall and straight. They wasn’t selfish, allowing ground for sumach and persimmon, and hickory and chestnuts to feed the wild things. Not being selfish gave them much spirit and the spirit was strong.”

“I said I didn’t care a thing in the world about being ahead. It would suit me might near total if I could just catch up. It was kind of lonesome, always being left behind.”

“The last butterfly flew up the hollow. He rested on a cornstalk where me and Granpa had stripped the corn. He didn’t flex his wings, just set, and waited. He had no purpose in storing food. He was going to die, and he knew it. Granpa said he is wiser than a lot of people. He didn’t fret about it. He knew he had served his purpose, and now his purpose was to die. So he waited there in the last warm of the sun.”

Detox December - Hibernation Mode

Warning: Lots of direct quotations ;)

When November started this year, it’s like my life took a complete turn. I was expecting to graduate next year but then the circumstances did not allow me. Looking from a higher perspective, of course it was not a tragic accident. It was as if the etheric forces conspired to give me a lesson to make me realize that I am not a little girl anymore. I have aging parents and my peers already have jobs while here I am, still stuck in a limbo. The universe knows that I value my freedom so much but I wouldn’t really get it unless I graduate and find a means to make money. If you look at it astrologically, I turned 21 on October 17 and transiting Uranus currently makes an opposition to my Sun which is a factor in why such a sudden change in my life occurred. Also, transiting Saturn makes a square to my natal Saturn. According to the astrologer Wayman Stewart in his blog AstrologyArena,
“…the Saturn square Saturn transit that occurs when you’re around 21 years old and 51 years old. These transits are heavy, in a manner that can rival your actual Saturn Return. In fact, they occur only several years before your Saturn Return. That’s why I like to think of them as ‘pre-Saturn Return’. Things are going to occur in your life that will seriously test you and make you question if you’re living the life you’re supposed to be living and what you can do about that.”
“I think, if most people look back on that age, they will be able to recall some experiences that truly shook them up or changed them. As I said, this transit is a preparation for one’s first Saturn Return…This pre-Saturn Return happens in order for you to begin straightening you out. The Saturn square Saturn transit when you’re 21-22 is your first wake-up call to why you’re here and what you’re supposed to achieve. Given the age that this transit occurs, it makes perfect sense because we are now beginning the entry into adulthood during this time.”

These kinds of information became readily available to me right after I cried because of the incident, and lots of number synchronicities like 11:11 followed for several days. Saturn is definitely shaking me at this point. Saturn is also transiting my 4th house of home, and here I am in my house, alone, refusing to ever go out. Saturn did not constrict me into the four walls of this house – I did. I wanted this. I refuse every offer to go out. Whether it’s from friends or potential lovers, I have rejected them all. It feels like I’m cleaning out dead wood in my system and I am subtly cutting off my connections with some people who do not really care about me at all. I am mostly talking about my high school “friends”. We are friends because of companionship; but our friendship, as far as I am concerned, is not deep enough. Several months ago, I consulted my psychic regarding them, because I got so angry for feeling that they don’t really care about me and this is what he said:
Hi Anthea, I checked it out:You’re right, they really don’t care that much if you show up or not. This is the wrong crowd for you. I wouldn’t go to the functions at all; I would skip and relax and do some things for yourself instead. Read books more, exercise more, stay away from negative people. If I was there I’d take you to lunch and talk about it. :) Let me know if I helped. Lawrence

I am now at this period in my life wherein I am starting to care about what other people think about me less – because what they think of me, whether positive or negative, wouldn’t contribute to my success or happiness anyway. I just would like to have less superficiality in my life, less pretensions, especially within myself. For a few years I have already fooled some of them enough into thinking that I am living a somehow superstar life for being prettier and studying at a good school. But the thing is, image is very superficial. It is not everything. I am very comfortable in being alone and I guess I’d choose to be alone for a while. I dislike superficial relationships at this point. I am looking for something really serious which lasts for a lifetime.

Also, I am choosing to be a hermit starting now not because I have lost too much self-confidence because of what happened to me. It’s just that I am in the process of trying to pick myself up and I wouldn’t want any disturbances or annoyances at the moment. I want them to let me take a rest like a caterpillar in a cocoon, so I could develop myself into something independent, liberated, and useful to the world. This is my Detox December. I start to have ten hours of sleep again, I did another liver flush session to clean my internal self, pampering my dyed hair with hair treatment and vitamins, putting on castor oil religiously for my dandruff and eyelashes, and I am doing a series of chemical peels to my skin in order to cleanse and brighten my complexion. When this becomes successful, I promise you, my family, and all the spirits around me that I would go out without makeup daily. My mother has been distressed that for the past three or four years, I did not let other people see me without makeup. She said that it’s making my face dirtier and have regular acne. I’m glad I have found bravery to do a chemical peel to my face. After this, I will surely whiten my armpits in a salon. This may seem very superficial of me to focus on my physical appearance during my hibernation mode, but this is my way of building up my self-value (2nd house). I have both Libra, Venus, and Sun in my 2nd house which is why I value beauty a lot. I think one of the purposes I have in this current life is to fully understand and experience what beauty is.

And speaking of the 2nd house, it is also the house of money and finances. The 2nd house is ruled by Taurus. This year, my progressed moon became Taurus and it will stay like that until perhaps mid-2018. When my progressed moon was in Aries, all that I cared about was being the star and appearing perfect and confident in front of other people. Now that my progressed moon is in Taurus, the circumstances forced me to plan or take actions on how I could create stability and self-sufficiency for myself. I started to lie low in having relationships and socializing with people and I began hiding in my shell again, doing my own thing. I just don’t like taking dynamic actions again. At this point, I am already tired. I need to rest. I have to disconnect from everybody while building myself up again. I am not a loser. People who know me well know that. It’s not my personality. I fall and make mistakes but I move on and do my thing. And to end this talk, I would just like to say that inaction is a part of the manifestation process. We have to stop once in a while when things don’t already work the way we wanted it. And these quotes are from Gigi Young, from her video “Manifestation Tips & Tricks005: Create Your Own Gravity”:
“The way that we approach life – the way that we approach achieving our goals, achieving our dreams, manifestation – is very, very masculine-oriented. It’s all on action, and planning, and just even mind-made techniques that are processes that are kind of we feel like we’re figuring things out, but that’s more of an objective of control rather than simply aligning. So this masculine way of doing things, or this more aggressive way of doing things, kind of more about control way of doing things have become commonplace...”
“Working hard is awesome, when you actually have a focus that is in alignment with you. But when you’re actually in a place of alignment, you actually need the smallest amount of physical action to achieve great results because everything is so in alignment. If you’re grinding really hard, if you’re pushing really hard and nothing’s really coming, then you need to really re-examine where your focus is in. You need to go back more to a more feminine energy.”
“In reality, we’re ignoring this feminine aspect of ourselves that allows things to come. And we feel like things don’t come, and that [it’s] out there and we need to perceive that everything’s external – it actually creates this chasing paradigm where everything is kind of external and you have to go get it so you’re separate from it, and you have to go and get it. If you have that paradigm, even subconsciously because it’s given to us in society, you will always be chasing something. Something will always be eluding you. As long as you think something’s external and outside of you, it can’t really integrate. The truth is that everything’s internal, everything is already inside of us – and we’re just aligning with it and it comes.”

“And at the end of the day, it’s really important to keep in mind that having more money, having a better job, a relationship, whatever it is that you’re wanting, is going to add more complexity and responsibility to your life. You want a bigger life? That’s gonna be more complexity for you. More responsibility. Your higher self is not going to give you more when you’re already burnt out and having difficulty managing what you already have. That’s huge. If you’re super stressed, and you want more, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.”

I was already so burnt out from my other major subjects that the circumstances have forced me to remove one very important subject and rest for a few months in order to regain my balance. For the time being, I wouldn’t tire or stress myself out and just focus on improving out of other people’s sight. And when I got what I wanted, and made my own money, I wouldn’t need recognition anymore. What is important is that my family is satisfied of what I am becoming, and that I am happy with what I am developing into. Going into hibernation mode is very important for me, but I will not neglect this blog. My inner child would go crazy without a platform for her thoughts. Namaste! 

People in the Toilet (Dream)

Me: My dream was long but I only remember the part where I was with my former classmates in some kind of an event (reunion?). A younger male went into the event, nobody knew personally who he was, but someone whispered to me that he was the younger brother of someone. He totally caught the attention of people, including me, and the males there were insanely jealous of him. A group of boys went into the girls’ restroom to talk about him, but I had to use the restroom. I locked myself in a cubicle but I couldn’t do my business because the boys were playing around and would not go away. While I was releasing my phlegm into the toilet bowl, people, including the new boy, just kept on opening the door of the cubicle where I was trying to pee but could not because of them.

Lawrence: Hi Anthea
You didn’t lock the cubicle – they all have locks on them.
By leaving them open, you allow other people to invade your space and get you mad, frustrated, etc.
It’s a message to protect yourself more from people you don’t like. Keep your mind closed to them, not open to listen to them.
Lock the door in your mind to all who bother you, don’t engage them.

Very Tiny and Sensitive Baby (Dream)

Me: I only remember the part where there were gossiping and laughter around, and a tiny tiny tiny baby (as if it was born premature) appeared, and it belongs to one girl that we knew there. It was an illegitimate child, that’s why the people around were gossiping. I suddenly found myself nursing the poor helpless baby. However, the time came when I needed to go, so I handed her to another person. And while the other person was gentle to the baby, I was really overprotective of it, preventing the people from saying bad things or jokes to the child, because it might harm the baby. It was the most fragile thing ever.

Lawrence: Hi Anthea this is an easy one. This means you need to watch out from getting pregnant. Do not use unprotected sex – that would be a bad idea. But then again it’s your choice to do as you please.

My comment: It’s really ironic why I am having so many dreams where my higher self keeps on warning me about pregnancy and sex when I don’t even have a boyfriend and it’s been weeks since I’ve stopped talking to a boy! Usually I immediately cut my connection to these men who try to get friendly to me. Saturn tells me that they are still little boys and may only want sex instead of wanting me for the rest of their lives. I have my Uranus in my 5th house so it really might be an unavoidable potential to have unexpected pregnancy, since the planet of surprises and eccentricities is in my house of whirlwind romance and children. 

Hiding the Chickens Before They Are Hatched: Keeping Secret Plans


That’s why I want to keep my plans a secret for now.

Before, I have always announced my plans to my friends. More often than not, I get negative feedback even though I believe in my ability to achieve them. I get discouraged for I hear comments regarding their perceived lack of my abilities – and because of that, I was likely to heed their naysays and I end up leaving those plans behind. Now I realize that they are always entitled to their own opinion, but it doesn’t mean that they are right. I am still the one who creates my own life no matter what they say.

But I realize that I behave the same way when people in my life tell me about their big goals in life. I become pessimistic and I tell them why I don’t think they would ever accomplish that. Guess what? I turns out that I was just intimidated by their ambitions and their drive to achieve success. I also have the tendency to discourage other people’s dreams if that specific dream does not work out for me. In short, I project my own insecurities and fears onto them and I end up discouraging someone.

This is a part of life. In this 3D illusion, we think that we are all in a race, that we are meant to get to the top of our own Mount Everests and prove our worth to other people. Astrologically speaking, people always go to their 10th house cusps, or Midheavens, for their aspirations in life. For their careers, reputations, and social status. We need to reach our mountains in order to sustain our lifestyles and to have internal satisfaction. This pressure to seek our place in the world often starts to throb hard when we are 21 years old (transiting Saturn square our natal Saturn).

Since we are in an illusion of race in life, some people perceive this as a competition, rather than taking our own unique journeys. For this reason, I realized that I had to keep my plans a secret for now. Not for competitive purposes, but to protect my precious desires, ambitions, and goals in life. Studies show that when we announce what we are going to do before we actually do it, we get an impartial sense of accomplishment which lessens our motivation to do what we ought to do. We are also likely to get negative feedback from others – there will always be naysayers and we can’t stop them from doing so. It is actually a projection of their own fears regarding their goals in life. You don’t want your goals to be tainted by negative energy. I personally just kept mine a secret among my closest friend and my family.

Also, people tend to count the chickens before they are hatched. It results to expectations that might not be realistic for the time being. Now that Saturn has knocked my head and made me realize that I cannot be dependent on my parents forever, I just realized how hard it is to earn money, to settle a place for yourself in the world, and to have people see your worth if you haven’t developed any skill. For the past year I have been working on unrealistic goals which are spirituality and inner beauty – but they are goals nonetheless. I have learned to how to rectify myself internally, to be humble, and to regard everyone as my equal. Without the external or material illusions that each of us carry, we are all just the same. We all have the same needs, feelings, and God source.  

Another reason why I plan to keep my goals a secret for now is because of the fact that, whether we admit it or not, there are always people around us who do not want us to succeed. I once had a friend who cried and got angry at me because I got higher grades than him. I also had another friend who told me straight to my face that they (his group of friends) were looking down on me because they think I am not on their level. (I cut ties with that person several months later.) Remember that not all people who seem to be your friends really want you to soar higher. Some people see the world as a battlefield. When you blurt out your dreams to these people, or to the wrong people, you can expect smirks, mocks, or any comment that may upset you – especially if you want to reach a goal that is very unconventional. You don’t need negativity. These are only unnecessary blocks to your journey. And whether we like it or not, there are people in this world that sabotages others in order to get ahead.

I have thought of this last night – and it was a gut instinct. Perhaps it was whispered by one of the angels around. Aside from protecting my dreams from negativity, I also wanted myself to be kept motivated by secrecy. Think about it this way – your goals are like your lust. They pester you like lust. By blurting it out to everyone (like masturbation), perhaps to get some help (unfortunately, most people are focused on their own goals and would not like to give their time away to another lost soul, unless it is a time-tested friend), you give yourself some partial satisfaction (e.g. ejaculation) instead of going for the real thing (real sex). You let the excitement evaporate. And you let any unnecessary comment or reaction get in your way energetically. I personally think that it is better to keep quiet unless there is already a tangible form of progress sculpted by your own godly hands.
“If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.” –Albert Einstein
Remember that no matter what happens, the race is not yet over. Keep the warrior spirit in you alive.

Wisdom from Jupiter

This is from a Youtube video entitled “Channeling Jupiter”. Alison is the channeler, while Kari is the one that questions the spirit that is being channeled. I am fond of these channeling works, especially of some historical figures like Princess Diana and Rasputin, but channeling planets are very new to me, except for the planet Earth or Gaia. I am just getting so much wisdom from the enlightened perspectives of these planets that I might decide to do blog posts like this later on. In this Alison Ailfinn Allan’s video of channeling Jupiter, I only wrote (sometimes non-verbatim and edited) the second half of the show, because the first half included scientific explanations by Jupiter, but I am only interested in spiritual perspectives that he/she has to say. Enjoy reading! And thanks by the way for Alison and Kari for your Shiny Show, I am a new subscriber ;)

Kari: Why do you have so many moons?
Jupiter: Because I am so greedy. *laughs* (followed by a scientific explanation that I am not interested in lol)

Kari: What do you think, Jupiter, about humans and the way we assign character traits to you, like Jupiter is like, orange or something.
Jupiter: Because you are small. *laughter* And that’s not in size – that is in the consciousness. The consciousness is very small. (Alison: She’s not being derogatory, she’s very truthful!) The greater the consciousness within the being, the greater the knowing. So, your point of attraction as a human is very tiny, like little ant-y consciousness. And so, if all of your consciousness was within the being, first into being would be the size of Jupiter. You would be a planet. It’s not actually possible to force the entire consciousness of your higher self into a body that is so small. This body that you’re in is designed specifically for a very narrow field of information gathering. That’s what it’s designed for. If you want to have another experience that is outside of that, then become a planet. That is really the ultimate incarnation.

Kari: Are there other species that are just as tiny as we are and have beliefs about you too? And maybe worship you, or fear you in any way?
Jupiter: Well, these things are human trying to explain the world around them. And the only way you can explain the world around you is to put the attributes upon it that you have. So, the warrior nature that is applied to Mars and to myself is really just a human attribute. It is a human way to try and explain that which they can’t understand outside of themselves because they are themselves. You can only ever understand something from the point of attraction that you are in. You can have an intellectual understanding about something and in its scientific terms you can have an emotional understanding of something in its spiritual terms but you can never really know it until you are it.

Kari: Do you have astrological effects on us?
Jupiter: Yes, yes. We all do. The point of attraction is the same for what’s beyond in space. I have an effect on you, but you have an effect on me too. Everything in this solar system is a point of attraction, gravitational pull. (…scientific explanation)

Kari: What if we can channel dark matter?
Jupiter: You can! You can channel anything – you can channel gravity, you can channel wind, you can channel absolutely everything – there are no limits to what you can channel to speak to or understand or get some kind of understanding from them. Scientists do it, artists channel creativity. Creativity is a consciousness in and of itself. And everybody contributes to that information. But it is a spirit – creativity is in and of itself its own spirit. You can channel that and have a conversation with it. You can channel water. You can channel hydrogen. You can channel – there are no limits. You’re only limited by your understanding of the universe. You really are delving into spiritual concepts of foreign access of where most of the humanity is…And that is why you came here – you came here to have a designated experience, set of protocols you set in place from your higher self to learn something specific.

Kari: I’d like to know if you have parting messages for our shiny viewers.
Jupiter: Be open-minded, don’t close your minds to anything, question everything, and just allow yourselves to explore the unknown. And live life the way it was intended – magically. 

It's Okay to be Angry.

Admittedly, I resent myself for being angry even when have a reason to be that way. I feel guilt because almost every time that I get angry, people reprimand me or gossip about me. It’s really unfair, now that I think of it. I have every right to be angry especially when my rights are being stepped on, when I am being unfairly aggravated, and when people around me have no consideration of my needs or feelings. Growing up, my mother always has tried to suppress anger that I have felt. It resulted into a behavior of just exploding like an atomic bomb when angered as I grew older. I have this habit of suppressing my anger that it just builds up and it ends up controlling me. While I was growing up, people in my home did not care about why I get angry – they just know that it’s bad for me to get angry (because parents always have the right to get angry), and they are disinterested in whatever got into my nerves. This repression of the right for self-expression began when I was still a toddler. But now that my parents do not have a hold on me anymore (except financially), I have formed a part of my personality wherein I know that I have every right to be angry and that no one has the right to tell me that I am too sensitive or scandalous because of that. I don’t easily get angered like the god of war because I’d like to appear pretty and nice most of the time, but when I do get triggered, the anger that will explode in me is not something that is shallow and fleeting. It is something that sees through the shitty facade and cuts people off (I have my Mars conjunct my Pluto in Scorpio. Pretty intense!).

Anger is a human emotion. When I feel anger, it is something that just arises when there is an injustice or acts of insensitivity around me. I feel anger when people try to put me down purposely, or when they are just being assholes. Basically, I feel reasonable anger. Even when I do not hurt people in the process, I still find myself being gossiped about when I get reasonably angry. It just happens to me all the time. What I think is that these people are of lower vibration, lower understanding, and are not my true friends. These people are the kinds of people that find holes in everyone who is not in their group or who they find threatening in any way. Instead of being accountable for what they have done wrong, they do things like gossiping or whatever in order to manipulate my behavior and make me feel guilty instead for feeling angry. Sometimes it’s a control thing. What I can say is that they have no right to tell or manipulate me what to feel. The only person that they have control of is themselves. This kind of behavior reveals some kind of insecurity to the angered person – perhaps they did not want to face the fact that they would feel guilt if they acknowledged their mistakes so they would turn the situation around and make me look like the bad guy. Shrewd tactic, right?

Okay, what I just want to say is that it’s okay to feel angry. It’s really okay, as long as the reason is very logical. It also depends on how you act on your anger. If you act immaturely, ignoring the person without him/her knowing what angered you, then don’t expect them to ever understand. You are just giving them a reason to stay away from you because that is a very immature behavior. However, if you let them know why in a diplomatic way, or in a way that nobody gets hurt, perhaps they would understand – and improve their behavior eventually. But if you ever encounter people who get angry back at you because you got angry for whatever reason, or they turn the situation around, or they gossip about you and never confront you for it, you can cut ties or limit your time around them. You never want to be around people who have very limited understanding about people. You never want to be around people who are not your true friends, or who do not have intentions to understand you. You do not need further interactions with people who are so self-centered that they cannot be “love” for their friend who experiences negative emotions. And understand that anger is okay, but it doesn’t have to be your default emotion. It is very draining – and you don’t want to be that someone who gives everyone the negative vibes. Rise above your anger so you can see things in higher perspectives. 

Human Cat (Dream)

Last night, I dreamt that I was in my university. I was with my roommate (and closest friend here) and a schoolmate I am crushing on. Eventually, the three of us parted ways. Then, I found myself in my college and a man tried to talk to me. He asked me why I had no friends, except the two people whom I was with earlier. I tried to refute his statement, but I suddenly noticed that his mouth was unusual. It was like a cat’s mouth but he was human. He had long hair reaching up to his shoulders. He has the nose of a dog but seems like a cat talking like a human. I tried to get away from him but he chased me. I really didn’t like it, he was annoying. Then I woke up.

Lawrence: Well, I think it means that you are not a pet person, and don’t like anyone questioning you about anything. It means you get away from people who bother you. Part of you is maybe a bit of a loner. Not a bad dream at all. I don’t think you will be getting a pet anytime soon lol. 

Elementary School (Dream)

I saw a Korean father that I watch in a Korean show “The Return of Superman” – his name is Lee Hwijae. He is a father of twins in that childcare reality show. He went into a construction site but the foreman did not see him so he was hurt. He was missing for a little while but then they discovered that he was already dead and his face was deformed by the accident. He was accidentally killed by the construction workers and I felt bad for that, in addition to the fact that his face was horrifyingly deformed.

Then I was suddenly in my elementary school. My friends and I were sitting near the part of the school where toddlers learn. One female teacher went near us and she was being mean to my friend. My friend eventually sobbed, saying that that teacher was happy for the fact that she had failing grades. That same teacher gave me a very big book that contains my clearances and accountabilities that I have to do before I can graduate. I was really big and on the cover page there was a paper stuck to it that said I have to still write for the school newspaper in order to graduate. I felt lost because something was going on at that time and people were preparing for something. I am also not interested in writing for school publications although I used to do it, because I do not like structured writing – I want it freestyle, raw, and not controlled by anyone or anything.

Then, I found myself in a room where I spent my first grade in real life. I was wearing a hot pink crop top and a black mini skirt. Something was going on, I just had no idea what it was. A teacher came by to inspect our clothes. They said that something formal would he happening, something like a holy mass, so I worried because I had inappropriate clothes on. However, as we were inspected, my skirt suddenly lengthened by itself and I noticed that I suddenly had pants inside my skirt. By then my modesty was very apparent.

Then, another teacher came in the classroom and inspected our hygiene. She called out a few students to go outside, including me, and she made us brush our teeth. And so we brushed our teeth. I was the last to finish and the sink was filled with water that is bubbly (because of toothbrushing) but dirty.

My Interpretation:

Gosh, it was a long dream! I’m glad I can remember more and more! Actually, I sought help from my angels and guides last night to please give me guidance through a dream that I would remember waking up.

I was horrified by the part in my dream where someone died and I saw his deformed face. I thought it would mean something like death in my life, like death of someone who I used to be because of what happened to me recently in school, and his deformed face may be my reputation – it might have been destroyed because I would be spending six years in college – and that is a very long time.

The big book of my clearances and accountabilities in school may represent how overwhelmed I am until now of my responsibilities and obligations as a college student that just cannot graduate on time. The requirement that I should write for the school paper in order to graduate may just represent my undergraduate thesis that I cannot just seem to finish because research and literary analysis is not my passion. It is just too dried, structured – and I am sure that my undergraduate thesis would just rot in the libraries of my university.

That was all that I could interpret – the wearing of the skirt and the brushing of teeth was actually a mystery to me. Even online dictionaries couldn’t provide me meanings that resonate with me.

A Psychic’s Interpretation:

The part of you wearing miniskirt and then suddenly pants were covering it, is a message not to get pregnant. Don’t open your miniskirt legs to anyone. The pants are there to keep you from getting intimate. If you do get involved with someone soon, you better make sure he is using condoms. Or you can get pregnant and you wouldn’t be happy with that.

This dream is not about writing at all even if it was in the dream. You basically you don’t like school, period – and can’t wait to get out of education. Bear with it and finish your education.

Brushing teeth is taking care of your health. The dirty water in the sink is related to not taking care of your health. Brush all the time, don’t do drugs, don’t drink too much alcohol, and keep the body clean.

The dirty water means your thoughts might be clouded with too many decisions to make and you can’t see clearly which decisions to make.

Deformed face means you see someone’s inner ugliness around you for sure. Love and hate are neighbors. (My comment: Ooh… I definitely notice those hints. The only clue I can give is that that person is a wolf in a good-looking sheep's clothing.)
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