Fragile?


People do not see the strength in my personality. I can never be strong for them. (Not that I'm complaining lol.) For those of you who understand astrology, I am mostly made up of water. They say that the moon is strongest in Cancer and I have that. My venus, mars, and pluto are all in the sign of Scorpio – those are very powerful placements and yet people do not see that. Scorpio is water, but it’s a silent but deadly placement. And because of the dominance of the water element in me, I am a seething pool of emotions. The second most dominant in me is earth. Because of these two feminine elements in me, I am very passive, emotional, intuitive, and “fragile,” as people say. The air elements in me are just in my sun and midheaven. I lack the fire element and I think that is the main reason why even the slightest hint of strength cannot be seen in me. I am the typical feminine woman whom people feel the need to cuddle and nurture.

I am tired of people telling me to stop being like this. I am tired of people telling me to stand up for myself even just for once. I know how concerned they are, but seeing my personality as a flaw is like a total rejection of my entire being. They do not how much strength is needed to have intense emotions and face them daily. They do not know how much strength is needed to accept the emotions that are deemed negative and feel the lessons that they bring. It’s true that we are already adults; I am twenty now but I still feel like a child. Some people also think that I look younger than I really am. For some people, it is a blessing. For some people, it is a sign of underdevelopment. But we must also remember that everything is a matter of perspective, and no two people see things exactly the same way. People always tell me that I am too sensitive, but I personally think that it is wrong to judge other people based on the way you judge yourself because you haven’t walked in their shoes. You cannot push them to change immediately into the “perfect” person that you want. I am not perfect. I don’t even like admitting my faults because of all the people, I think I will be the most affected. I will be the most injured person even when all of us are just pinched with the same degree of pain.

A fragile person is fragile. This is not even a problem to other people, but I just want people to know that there is nothing wrong with being fragile. “Strong” people have fully-developed masks and guards that they wear for the world to see, while fragile people like me do not wear any armor. People easily see and feel how we feel and there is nothing wrong with that. We are humans, and not robots, after all. Just imagine the pain and discomfort of being inauthentic, suppressing emotions, or trying to project another identity. Fragile people like me do not feel the need to do that. If the world wants to harm us, then let it harm us. No one can stop us from crying anyway. And I also want to say that not crying in the midst of turmoil is not a sign of strength – in the same way that crying is a sign of weakness. Emotional honesty is being true to oneself. People tell me to be more logical, especially when things are falling apart, but I cannot use logic to suppress my emotions. When I feel bad, then let me feel bad. I am a free person. And I am honest with myself.

Astrologically speaking, I think this is largely due to my moon in Cancer, adding to the fact that I am a female and I have an access to the divine feminine energy. The moon, as well as my surroundings, affects me greatly. People even say that I am very palpable – I can feel everything and they can feel me as well. When I am greatly depressed or afraid, these energies easily spread around. Perhaps the same thing applies when I am so happy or excited. This is why they say that the moon is strongest in Cancer. Personally speaking, a defective person is someone who doesn’t know how to feel. It doesn’t matter to me whether they exude strength or appear strong, but only feeling positive emotions and rejecting the negative ones in order to please other people is a big problem. The modern scientific world almost only values the logical mind, and the sees the emotions as mere distractions, but any spiritual teacher will tell you to your face that that is wrong. The heart is its own being, and it is more powerful than the mind although they should go hand in hand. But for those of you who are fragile like me, just embrace who you are and just forget about what other people say, even though I know you will sulk for a little while, because our emotions are our connection to our divine inner truth. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Powered by Blogger.