Childhood Crush


Two years ago, I wrote about what my idea of a perfect love is, and I said that preferably my future husband has to be a childhood friend or something of that sort. During that time, I also remembered trying to recall any childhood guy friend and almost no one came to my mind. I thought I was just being idealistic when I was writing that blog post, but it turns out that my subconscious mind was leading me to write things about myself that I may not recall but the universe knows about. Because recently, fate has led me to talk to a childhood crush and a family friend whom we haven’t seen for a very long time.

Almost everything in my past blog post came true to life, except the part where marriage enters. Life has forced us to take different directions in life; and now we ran into each other after almost thirteen years. We have matured physically, mentally and spiritually – yet I can feel that his essence still remains. He is still the boy that I have played with before. We talked about the childhood memories that we have shared, and felt deep nostalgia. Three families were close back then – his, mine, and another big family. Back then, I could only look at him from afar. He was three years older than me, so I approached his younger brother more. However, he was the one that I was really attracted to. I couldn’t say it nor show it since I am a female and I was so young back then. He emits this aura of total acceptance and that’s what I liked most about him.

However, because nowadays I can’t help being transparent and authentic with my feelings and thoughts, I told him my deep secret that I liked him when we were children. Most men whom I admit my vulnerable feelings to act disinterested after a little while, and see me as inferior afterwards. Luckily, this childhood crush was surprised by what I said, and I was also surprised at the same time when he said that he felt the same thing towards me. He said that he was always excited to go to our house or to go to the church that we used to go to because he could see me. He even thought that I was maarte because I did not like going near the boys often, but despite that, he still looked forward to see me. After a year or so, our families minded their own businesses maybe because the children were growing up and had to pay attention to other things. He said that as he grew up, especially when he was in sixth grade, he looked for girls like me to be his crush. But he didn’t find one, he said, because there was nobody like me.

Now he said that he regrets not saying his feelings earlier because now I have a boyfriend. However, I think that what has happened really ought to happen; and just talking to each other again in our twenties is just right since we wouldn’t know what to do to each other if we confessed to each other as kids. His confession really made me happy, since it meant that the seven-year-old me had an admirer and it was my own crush. The other thing that makes it more beautiful is the fact that we liked each other and never knew it. Now all I know is that baka maiba pa ang ihip ng hangin, and what the road ahead may offer is unknown. At least now I have a proof that love should not be rushed, that we should let it take its own course, and that what’s meant to happen will happen. I have a boyfriend now who loves me so much, and who knows who I will marry someday? :)

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