People Who Don't Like You

They say I'm nasty...

When some people don’t like you, even if they’re just little ants compared to the rest of the world, it bothers you. It bothers us. Well, at least for me, it bothers me a lot. It makes me wonder what I have done wrong, or if there’s nothing, then it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. When we have a problem like this, people tell us to ignore those bitches. But we just can’t, right? We can ignore them physically but they totally occupy our minds especially if we have to meet them every day. Some people purposely talk to the person beside me and ignore me. Some people put all of their power into destroying my reputation. Yes, yes, they are only powerful behind my back – but they’re powerful nonetheless. They’re powerful because they have access to my emotions. These kinds of cattiness definitely can make my whole day feel glum. And what’s crazier is that even if they aren’t aware of what they are doing, your own mind thinks that every little thing they do is a proof of their dislike of you. This is going a bit overboard, but, as the Buddha says, our mind is our biggest enemy.

Yet sometimes I wonder, is it really the mind which is our biggest enemy? Or our emotions? No matter what I tell my brain, I keep feeling the same thing when I am around these people. I keep feeling unsafe, anxious, and inferior. It’s as if they’re all out to get and destroy me. Those dark days in my life were definitely over, but the scars and wounds that they have left still have to heal. There’s no way that I’d hang out with those people again. But me disliking them is not really about something wrong with them, although sometimes that is the case, but it’s mostly about protecting myself from being hurt again by them. Nothing hurts worse than having your “friends” turn their back on you just because of a simple mistake that’s even unintentional. Sometimes I even regret spending lots of time with them because those times are definitely wasted now that their phoniness is exposed. But again, the BIGGEST reason why I avoid people is to protect my annoyingly vulnerable self from being hurt again.

When I try to think about why I hate or dislike certain people, the reasons are they judge me, they point out my mistakes, they’re too perfect, they look down on me, they compete with me, they observe my every little move, they have hurt me, they backstab me, they destroy my reputation to people especially my suitors, or they don’t like me too. But since the perspective you’re reading about is mine, I really believe that I have done nothing wrong to those who dislike me. Some people just don’t like you for no reason. Or for no logical reason. But if you’re a girl, you’d definitely say that it is because of envy and envy alone. If you’re happy, they envy becomes bigger and bigger until you feel some kind of hostility out of nowhere. When I was feeling envy for certain people a few years back, I tend to really avoid them because they hurt my self-esteem. I avoid looking at their Facebook timelines because they seem too happy and perfect to even exist on earth. What’s worse is when I get compared with these people – I’m like, fuck you!!! Envy is a poisonous feeling that just engulfs us every time our object of envy is nearby. I remember that there was one person who just hurt the hell out of me so I became colder. But every time her beauty pleases my eye, and every time people compliment her, I get burnt. I just do. But love diffuses hate as they say, so it went away when things worked well between us. I cannot know the reason why some people dislike me but one surefire way to be happy and have revenge (if ever you still feel the need to do that) is just be happy and be yourself – because your enemies hate it when you’re happy. Or just be beautiful, if you're a girl, because it makes people crazy both in a positive and negative way - it's a win-win situation. :) 

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