A Letter to Satan

Hey Satan,

Fuck you! You’re the vilest person I’ve ever met in my life. Fuck you so soso much. I don’t even know why you’re still appearing in my reality. You’re the biggest hypocrite I’ve ever met in my whole twenty years of existence. Just every time I see your face or read your fucking name, a little vomit goes up my esophagus and an extreme level of anger just burns me up with a mild fever. It was very self-loving of me to separate myself from you and from all the fake and toxic and insecure people but you just don’t care to understand me at all. Because you are not a friend.You only fucking think of yourself in our one-sided friendship. Circumstances like what happened between us (I’m actually reluctant to use the word “between” because you fucking dragged other people into this) draw out the real crystals amidst a pile of rocks and I’ve found out that there was only one true friend that I have in college – the rest of you are all fake and only leeching. And you are the most hideous of all the rocks in the pile. A pathetic-looking rock who’s jealous of my pretty crystal. And I pretty much think that it was a brave thing for me to do, despite the risk of losing friends and supporters, because I didn’t really have them in the first place. Now everything’s exposed. And you can hurt me all you want. Whatever happens, I know I made the right decision. Because you’re fucking evil.

Well obviously, I’m really angry right now because of you. Not because you did something offensive to me, but because my unresolved issues about you are just cropping up the surface. For several months, I’ve tried ignoring the hurt and pain that you have caused just to lead a decent life. But now I’m fucking tired of it. I hate you to the moon and back. Let everyone read this, I don’t care. That’s what you’re good at in the first place anyway. Go on, destroy my reputation. Let all of them look at me dirtily for making yourself look like a victim and make them refuse to hear my side of the story. Let them think that you’re an angel and I’m a demon. Oh, what a hypocrite. You’re a fucking hypocrite. Go on, reveal my secrets. I don’t care!!! So what if you were hurt? Does that give you permission to hurt me back? I mean, destroy me? Because that’s what you’re doing. It’s nearly a year and you (and your fucking gang) still haunt me. When will you ever stop?

And why are you still doing this to me? Do you still want me in your life? Oh I doubt it so much. Even I don’t have tender feelings for you anymore. But the fact that you’re still destroying me up until now made me realize something. It’s actually what my best friend (who did not leave me after all that happened) and roommate told me: you’re just so insecure (but they actually pertain to a whole group of people). And probably it’s not hurt that’s making you do this but jealousy. Oops, it’s not that I have that big of an ego to think that you’re just jealous. I know what jealousy feels like. And you’re just using my act of leaving and hurting you as an excuse. Yes you have a wide network of friends and that made it easier for you to destroy my reputation. But what then?Did you feel better? Oh no, you’re still stuck in that damn jealousy (and/or grief) web of yours. With your “fixedness,” I doubt you’re gonna move on about this for the rest of your life. But guess what? It’s not my problem. But a big problem of yours. And I’m just so angry because I cannot really understand why you’re doing this to me. We’ve been friends for a very long time and yet you’re deliberately destroying me. I am so angry for all the twisted lies and stories you’ve spread about me. And all I can do is get angry and write it down so I can feel better and not fall sick. But, truth be told, I wish you’d die. Right now. Fuck you.

Angry but still fabulous,

Britney Spears


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