I’m a terrible procrastinator. Maybe that’s why people do not expect too much from me. And I think I also rebel from the routine that schools and universities impose on us so as to train us to be conformist citizens that are easy to control. But even though I tend to rebel and all that, I am still guilty of being a procrastinator. It’s because when you are inside an institution that needs you to conform and you’re a rebel and a procrastinator, you’ll only get into trouble. Someone also told me that of course I can reach my dream of becoming like Britney, but one big thing that hinders me from being a happy and successful woman is procrastination. But I just can’t get rid of it! Right now I have lots of things to do (that made me worry really badly last week) yet I’m just here procrastinating and writing about procrastination.

Teal Swan teaches us that our emotions are never wrong. If we only take a minute to listen to them and not suppress them, then our lives would get better. Emotions are not there to distract us from our daily duties. They are our inner voices speaking – and they need us to be open to whatever they might be telling us about our highest purpose. In the case of procrastination, it is universally seen as a grave distraction from what we are supposed to do. Yet looking at the positive side of things, aren’t procrastinators only listening to their intuitions that what they *have* to do does not serve their highest purpose and it is far from what they would really like to do in their lives? Good results are only got when an action is done from a space of inspiration rather than “because you have to do it.” The latter only yields negative results and leaves us so tired at the end of the day. If we really like what we are doing, then our energy just rises and rises and we’d never feel too tired. Instead, we’d like to do those things over and over again. New age spiritual teachers advise us to start loving ourselves and for once, just do things that make us feel good – because our suffering only adds to the suffering in this planet. Gaia has already too much burden.

I must be procrastinating because I do not like being in the academic field. And I am also certain that I will not be a teacher when I grow up. It is already expected of literature students to be literature teachers later on because there aren’t too many job opportunities for us. Sometimes I also picture myself being a literature professor but my heart does not really respond happily. I also sometimes picture myself as a singer but my heart doesn’t find it too fun. It’s rather embarrassing but what I find fun to do as a profession is acting and modelling. I want to be in the field of beauty because I want to spread beauty to the world. I don’t think fashion designing and being a makeup artist is for me, because I don’t really dream of being in the backstage. If I’d do something creative, that would be creative writing. Someday I’d like to publish books. Being an actress, model, and writer at the same time would make me very happy that I wouldn’t ask for more...except perhaps for money.

However, I would not like to just abandon school because I hate it here. Sometimes what we learn cannot really be applied practically and that fact just adds to my sadness that I still cannot graduate from here right away. However, I do not see myself doing just one kind of thing. I’d be so bored with my life. I just don’t like 9-5 jobs because routine kills! It does! And right now I feel guilty again that I procrastinate. We must remember that perfection is not possible, especially when it comes to the things that we don’t really wanna do. I don’t expect myself to be perfect now. I just expect myself to be as real and true to myself. And perhaps procrastination is not acceptable to the world. But in my world it is. And I thank it for pointing out to me the things that are in my way but I really don’t like to do. 


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