Jaguar: My Animal Totem

Weeks before, I was very curious about what my totem animal is. Before I never thought that this would be so important in our spiritual journey, but now I know what my animal is and I really resonate with the information that I have read about it. My totem animal came to me through a guided meditation.

I came out of the room full of glass and the path was enclosed in vines. It was like a maze. I came to a place which was like the Holy City of God, and the path that I was taking eventually turned into gold. There were less trees than you would expect; and although it was a land of peace, it was very boring compared to the chaotic earth. I was enjoying the fresh air and at the same time being disturbed by the deafening silence. I rested in a spot that I found the most relaxing and it happened to be a very shallow pond with warm and clean water. I soaked myself there as relaxed as I could be. In my mind, I told my totem animal to please come to me, wherever it is – because I really wanted to know what animal it is that guides me throughout my spiritual journey. Behind me, I suddenly felt that there was a tree standing and a sleek animal went down from it. It walked sexily in front of me and I saw that it was a jaguar. During my meditation, I was having thoughts whether it was a panther or a leopard, but I really knew that it was a jaguar. It turns out that those three were closely related also in terms of their powers.

In my research, people with the jaguar as their animal totem are solitary people who can feel and observe everything around them and just pounces on their prey at the right time. They have extreme amounts of power in their being yet they are just not the kind to use up all that energy right away. Jaguar people are definitely the ones who wait for the right time. They have the gift of clairaudience. They also are gifted at communication; although they must use it in good ways because they really have the ability to crush the hearts of people with only one of their words. They are also endowed with night vision. In fact, they are stronger in the dark. These people have the ability to do shadow work and stand up empowered every time. They are in tuned with the earth. They are definitely not one of those people who are ready to show off. Yet, they have confidence and inner aggressiveness that other people do sense.

Knowing that, I felt empowered. I now know why I did not have those extroverted tendencies. My whole personality is that which embodies the yin aspect. I am not weak – I am just saving my power in order to have a full-launch attack. I definitely plan everything out. My silence and passiveness definitely have some depth in them. And I have this jaguar by my side to bring out the best in me. I am just so happy to find out what my animal is, because it is also one step to fully accepting myself and using the resources that I have in the greatest way possible. Now every time that I need help, I will just call out for the wisdom of my jaguar. You just can never underestimate jaguar people despite their passive nature on the surface. 

On Writing Creatively

I did not really underwent formal trainings on creative writing before, so I still have a long way to writing very well and being on the same level as our great classical writers. However, that won’t stop me from writing because it is for everyone who has something to say about what they want to say. As for me, I always have something to say that I cannot say holding a microphone so I resort to blogging. I just feel good that my essays about anything get published in my blog, because anyone who’s interested can just read. Not everyone around me are interested in what I have to say, so publishing them in my blog  is a good way to just let them come to my writings. Everybody has a right to write – that is, if they feel that it’s their purpose and words just flow out of their hands and they are just effortless regarding that matter. However, I have resistance to people who just read in order to criticize. Every person writes from his/her own perspective; and if you haven’t walked in their shoes, then you have no right to criticize. Besides, everyone is purposely made different.

This semester, I am currently taking Poetry Writing wherein we have to make poems and what we wrote will be closely scrutinized and criticized by the whole class. My first poem was very short and it was about a former friend that I lost for the betterment of our lives. It was very emotional for me; so when it was criticized, I couldn’t prevent my tears from coming out. I felt like I was a failure and that they just antagonized me when I really find my own masterpiece as concealing its sadness under its cheerfulness or cuteness. My next poems were longer and better, yet our professor still found some holes in them. Honestly, I would like to be like those people who just make people gasp in awe with their poem and only positive comments can be given to them, yet I think there’s a disadvantage in that. We enrol in universities and take classes in order to learn – and most of the time, we learn so much from our mistakes. I cannot blame myself for committing mistakes because I didn’t know at that time. At least now I know better. It is only through mistakes, downfalls, and failures that a person is able to stand again more empowered. I did receive harsh comments lately but I noticed that I have less resistance to them now. There is nothing wrong with committing mistakes. On a universal level, we didn’t come down into the earth to just live a life of luxury, beauty, and wealth and always be on top. That would be boring. Life is made beautiful by struggles – that is why we have to be thankful for our mistakes.

Looking back on my first blog posts (I published them on 2011), I feel a little embarrassed about my previous writings because I saw my immaturity and shallowness at that time. Unfortunately I have already deleted some of them; but without these “poor” writings, I wouldn’t have known that I have grown and learned so much. I have changed a bit now while still being me. Just like writing poetry, it’s better to be authentic and true to yourself. For me, just copying the styles of other writers in your poems and not putting your own heart into it just to have a good response from the readers would make a very ugly poem. Our writings are extensions of ourselves and we cannot deny that. Through time, we eventually change our perspectives as we learn from the universe. We only improve because time only goes forward. Just like grasshoppers only hop forward and not backward. As long as we try, for the purpose that we just love writing, our writings will only get better and better through time. 


I’m a terrible procrastinator. Maybe that’s why people do not expect too much from me. And I think I also rebel from the routine that schools and universities impose on us so as to train us to be conformist citizens that are easy to control. But even though I tend to rebel and all that, I am still guilty of being a procrastinator. It’s because when you are inside an institution that needs you to conform and you’re a rebel and a procrastinator, you’ll only get into trouble. Someone also told me that of course I can reach my dream of becoming like Britney, but one big thing that hinders me from being a happy and successful woman is procrastination. But I just can’t get rid of it! Right now I have lots of things to do (that made me worry really badly last week) yet I’m just here procrastinating and writing about procrastination.

Teal Swan teaches us that our emotions are never wrong. If we only take a minute to listen to them and not suppress them, then our lives would get better. Emotions are not there to distract us from our daily duties. They are our inner voices speaking – and they need us to be open to whatever they might be telling us about our highest purpose. In the case of procrastination, it is universally seen as a grave distraction from what we are supposed to do. Yet looking at the positive side of things, aren’t procrastinators only listening to their intuitions that what they *have* to do does not serve their highest purpose and it is far from what they would really like to do in their lives? Good results are only got when an action is done from a space of inspiration rather than “because you have to do it.” The latter only yields negative results and leaves us so tired at the end of the day. If we really like what we are doing, then our energy just rises and rises and we’d never feel too tired. Instead, we’d like to do those things over and over again. New age spiritual teachers advise us to start loving ourselves and for once, just do things that make us feel good – because our suffering only adds to the suffering in this planet. Gaia has already too much burden.

I must be procrastinating because I do not like being in the academic field. And I am also certain that I will not be a teacher when I grow up. It is already expected of literature students to be literature teachers later on because there aren’t too many job opportunities for us. Sometimes I also picture myself being a literature professor but my heart does not really respond happily. I also sometimes picture myself as a singer but my heart doesn’t find it too fun. It’s rather embarrassing but what I find fun to do as a profession is acting and modelling. I want to be in the field of beauty because I want to spread beauty to the world. I don’t think fashion designing and being a makeup artist is for me, because I don’t really dream of being in the backstage. If I’d do something creative, that would be creative writing. Someday I’d like to publish books. Being an actress, model, and writer at the same time would make me very happy that I wouldn’t ask for more...except perhaps for money.

However, I would not like to just abandon school because I hate it here. Sometimes what we learn cannot really be applied practically and that fact just adds to my sadness that I still cannot graduate from here right away. However, I do not see myself doing just one kind of thing. I’d be so bored with my life. I just don’t like 9-5 jobs because routine kills! It does! And right now I feel guilty again that I procrastinate. We must remember that perfection is not possible, especially when it comes to the things that we don’t really wanna do. I don’t expect myself to be perfect now. I just expect myself to be as real and true to myself. And perhaps procrastination is not acceptable to the world. But in my world it is. And I thank it for pointing out to me the things that are in my way but I really don’t like to do. 
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