Perks of Having a Chaotic Life


I’m an NPA. I have no permanent address. I always find myself joining certain groups then leaving eventually. I always find myself living in a certain place then hopping onto another place later. I am always away from my family and loved ones. I am always away from my true friends. I learned in life that I do not have to be physically present in a group, an organization, or a house to be happy. Of course all people need a sense of belonging – but I guess I’m a bit past that insecurity. But most of the time, I leave because I do not get the treatment that I deserve. When people around me aren’t already treating me well but instead feed me with lots of negative energy that it already kills me, that’s when I know that it’s already time to leave. There is no state of permanence anyway, and uncertainty is the only certain thing in the world.

It’s good to be very open to changes and not fear it, because it would be very bad to get stuck to people who are basically living in the shadows and do not do us any good. Before, I used to fear change. I did not trust my own ability to thrive and survive without the support of the people whom I was very used to seeing. It isn’t really easy for me to be out on my own, but the universe kind of forces me to, through the situations that I keep getting into. When I’m stuck in a situation, place, or a group that is already becoming detrimental to my being, the universe eventually gets me into a really bad situation (which is a blessing in disguise) wherein people will finally try to destroy me so I’d get really really angry (I’m normally very patient and tolerant), so I’d be forced to remove myself or move away from the source of chaos so as to save myself from being utterly destroyed. Normally these situations make me curse the universe for what it is doing to me, but there would be no other way.

But I realized later on that it is essential to trust the universe whatever happens. As I have said before, I am an NPA. But I benefit from it. Normally, I move away from people when I’ve already had enough of their gossips, criticisms, and jealousy. And basically, when I move to another place, my reality is already different. I am also always changing depending on what I feed my senses through the environment that I am in. Through time, I’ve had enough of changing places and always being away from everyone that I used to know – giving me an opportunity to know other people and to experience new things. And so after a few years, when my heart has already healed enough to face these people again, they usually notice a tangible transformation while I usually don’t notice it in them. Some people do change, but I think that most of these people always avoid pain so they change so little. And it’s very beneficial for me, for I feed on those compliments. I love getting encouraged and the comments on how much I have changed for the better give me enough confidence that my parents weren’t able to give me when I was a child.

It is only now that I have realized what a blessing it is to have a chaotic life through relationships with other people than to have a “stable” life with almost nothing controversial going on. I think it’s better to fall down many times and stand up on your own feeling empowered every time than have a rather “peaceful” life which doesn’t enforce any growth. We know how it sucks when we’re in the middle of a crisis, but overcoming it gives us the best feeling ever. Through it, the universe acts as a parent and encourages us to just live on and not give up. And for the people who are reading this who believe that they are living a chaotic life, maybe you really opted for that kind of life because it would benefit your pre-birth intention. Through your problems, you are forced to look around you and search for solutions; that way you’ll learn more about the universe and yourself. These problems are warning signals that we need to have upgrades as if we are software. And after overcoming so much, when you look back on your life, no matter how hard it was for you, you’ll definitely say, “My life is a masterpiece.”

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