My True Desires

I have a post in this blog entitled “The Girl I'm Destined to Be,” and it contains my dreams and ambitions for my future. However, what I am going to tell you right now might be very different from that blog post, because I have finally identified what my true desires are after a period of contemplation. Probably these desires of mine were hidden for a long time in my subconscious, because society deems them too “superficial” or “materialistic,” but we shouldn’t let societal standards alter what our true desires are because they never go away anyway – they only evacuate in our subconscious minds. Oftentimes religion also plays a role in the suppression of desires here in this planet, and that’s very dangerous – especially when they tell us to “surrender ourselves and be nothing.” Then what are we here for if even being ourselves and staying true to our desires are considered wrong? But anyway, I have listed what my true desires are, for my personal reminder or for your guide to discover what’s yours too:

Physical Beauty.

I want to be really beautiful. I really do. I’m not sure, but perhaps every woman in the world desires to be very beautiful. I have noticed that since I was very little, I really cared about being beautiful – I try on my mother’s makeup, look at the mirror every time, etc. And since then, I always cared about beauty, and this showed through my paintings, drawings, and writings. What gives me happiness is searching through the internet about reviews on beauty products, and really buying them and seeing the difference. I’ve always admired people like Britney Spears and the Victoria’s Secret Angels because of their beautiful faces and bodies. And I remember being a three-year-old and wishing that I was already twenty and having boobs and curves and a long beautiful hair. I am nineteen now, and that dream hasn’t still vanished yet. :)

Sexual Attractiveness.

It’s not like I want sex from a lot of men (eww), but let’s be honest – girls who say that they don’t care about boys are liars. Or perhaps that part of them was suppressed. We want to be admired a lot; we want to have lots of suitors. It’s because the more we have admirers, the more we get assured of our beauty and confidence. And for me, being sexually attractive is a natural byproduct of embracing one’s femininity and caring a lot about one’s own health and happiness. Since I was in grade school, Britney Spears has been my idol because she has both physical beauty and sexual attractiveness jammed in her innocent gestures and demeanor (when she was just a teenager and before she decided to be very sexually expressive) which is just what I want for myself. It’s really nice to be a hot chick like Britney, or a southern belle like Scarlett O’Hara in Margaret Mitchell’s “Gone with the Wind.”

Fame.

Who doesn’t want fame, to be honest? I do not want fame because I don’t value privacy in my life; I want fame because like all other people in this planet, I just want to be loved. Since I was a child, often in my daydreams I find myself singing or dancing in front of an audience. I find myself being applauded and admired. I want to be a singer and dancer like Britney Spears, but I did not have the courage and enough encouragement. I want to be a Victoria’s Secret angel. I want to be a pop princess like Britney. I want to be a very famous author like J.R.R. Tolkien. I want to be very successful in my endeavours. And like Britney Spears and Adriana Lima, I want to be famous because of beauty and sexual attractiveness.

Love and Admiration.

Nearly all people in this planet are insecure, and I am obviously and honestly one of them. And almost everything we do is done for the sake of getting love and admiration. I desire love because I really know how it feels to be hated. I know how it feels to be antagonized for every innocent thing you do. I desire true love in friendships because I know how it feels to be befriended for conditional love. I know how it feels to be betrayed and left alone in a blink of an eye. I want true friendship from people who will really understand me, and won’t go to me only for superficial reasons. I also desire true love in romance because I know how it feels to only be wanted for sex and sex alone. I know how it feels to be wooed and left suddenly when you have already fallen in love. I know how it feels to be kissed just to have something to brag about. I desire true love with a man who thinks that I am worth dying for.

Being a Writer and an Artist.

I believe that my talents lie in the fields of literature and the arts, and I want to spread my passion to the world. I instinctively write down my thoughts and feelings, either in the form of prose or poetry. I love keeping journals because I rather think that most life events are worth writing down, so as to keep track of our soul’s progress. And of all kinds of arts, I especially love visual arts because the images that we create are beautiful extensions of ourselves. I love the idea of splashing down to the world all my thoughts and ideas through creative ways. Our artistic expressions are the only things that can never be dictated by the society or government now that we are in a period of having just almost everything appointed to us, even our own identities. And more than anything, I’d love to contribute in adding beauty to the world.

Wealth, Luxury, Abundance.

For a long time I have denied this desire because of religious commitments. I thought the secret for happiness was contentment and nothing more. I thought that wealthy people have more problems, but obviously the opposite was the truth. I want to be very rich because I want to live a luxurious and abundant life. I want to have lots of cosmetics, clothes, and beautiful things like Cleopatra did. Any ancient woman would have really coveted her life back then as she bathed on honey, rose petals, goat’s milk, and so on. And I have also noticed that pampered women have more self-esteem and attractiveness usually follows. I want to have a large house with many beautiful paintings and statues. I want to have my own boudoir, princess canopy over my bed, and pink bathtub. I also want to have a shiny pink car that I am able to drive. I want to have my own sauna, hot springs, and pretty much everything that’s essential but expensive. I want to live a very comfortable life and having wealth and abundance is the only way that I’d feel happy and safe.

Happiness.


And most of all, I desire happiness. True happiness. Daily laughter. I want to experience being in alignment with my higher self 24/7. I want to have the sweet temperament of a child again, and its honesty and capability of giving pure love. I want to attain happiness due to the achievement of all or any of the above. I want to rise above my problems and my haters and just be genuinely happy with my life. I want to be worry-free. I don’t want any responsibilities. I just desire to be able to find beauty in every situation, and even in the ugliest of things. I just want to be very happy – every minute, every day. Because that’s how I can attain even the most impossible of my dreams. 

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