Twin Soul Sisters


We miss the old days. We really do. It was almost two years ago when this girl named Angel first talked to me when I transferred into a room in an unfamiliar boarding house, and we suddenly became “twin sisters” who were never ever seen apart. We were very alike in appearance and manner, that we feel our attractiveness is suddenly boosted whenever we are together. Think about Alessandra Ambrosio (although her favourite Victoria’s Secret angel is Candice Swanepoel) and Adriana Lima (obviously my favourite) being seen together. We just had this sudden knowing that we are just split consciousness because of being so alike. We express ourselves differently – she is into playing the piano and having a keen eye for beauty while I am into creative writing, visual arts and singing – but we’re pretty much the same especially when seen together. I am the mysterious type while she is the babyish and approachable type, but sometimes I feel like you couldn’t just tell us apart. Of course we were moulded out of different genes, but it’s just amazing how our brain works so similarly. We’re two peas in a pod – I couldn’t already explain further but I think she must be my real sister.

However, our sisterhood was tested lots of times by external factors and there were lots of times when we get into each other’s nerves without even directly communicating. There were times when I became very wrathful because someone tried to steal her away from me and she was even glad to fall into that girl’s trap. There were times when I fall into deep depressed states when she (perhaps not purposely) ignores me because I automatically translate it to being unloved. There were even times when I question myself whether I am so jealous of her because I hated her so much when she had a new best friend. Nevertheless, just one conversation or smile or laugh from her already brightens up my day. She has so much power over me. So much. I’ve never had an extraordinary friendship like that. She has so much influence over me as if she is my mother. Little did I know that I also had this large influence over her, especially on her emotions...until some ugly circumstances forced me to move into another dormitory which at least had peace and privacy.

Last year was the worst year for me. It felt like everybody was against me – and of course, someone evil turned them all against me. I couldn’t stand on my own two feet, for even my other best friend abandoned me. I was apparently the bad guy, and twisted and untrue gossips spread very quickly. When I felt like all my trusted friends were nowhere to be seen, she was there to listen. She was there to accompany me. She was there to prevent me from feeling alone. I was already falling apart that time, but I was grateful that she was at least preventing me from completely breaking down. However, I still decided moving out of that wretched boarding house because even my studies were already badly affected. I also didn’t want all those negative thoughts to turn me into a poor ugly creature. Most of all, I was very afraid. I was afraid of all the malicious glances of the people around me. I was afraid of getting mad, of ending up in a mental institution. When I finally said my decision of moving out to her, she sobbed right away and told me that she would do anything to stop me from leaving her. She’s a person who hates dramas and sentimentality, yet she cried unashamedly and that really touched me. I felt like it was the first time in a very long time that I actually felt loved and cherished. It was a very sad decision, but I think it was necessary to make us both aware of how rare and precious our friendship is.

Last night, just the two of us had the chance to eat dinner together. We had a variety of conversations that were not that deep – I guess we just missed each other. We both don’t like dwelling on sadness, but we both felt that particular special feeling. When we were at loss for words, just sitting in silence was already very special. I know that she loves me so much. She said that I was her closest friend here, which I did not quite expect. I guess we both realized that our presumed friends weren’t better because we are actually meant for each other. It’s very nice to have a girlfriend whom you don’t have to adjust to because of having so much in common. My life is so exciting with her! She honestly does not make me grow, but she definitely helps me enjoy life and appreciate the present. She understands my sense of humor, she likes shopping and fashion too, she giggles at the same things as I do, and we feel like walking on the streets of a foreign country whenever we’re together. I just have to consult a psychic to confirm whether she really is a split consciousness of mine of whatever that is called, perhaps a soul mate. We just “click,” and we both admit to that fact. Furthermore, she’s the kind of friend that I am genuinely happy for what she achieves or whatever. We’ve been through a lot of pain just to realize the fact that we are indeed soul sisters and that we weren’t really mistaken for having thought of that for the first few days of knowing each other. I love you Angel! <3

Reality Shift (How to Shift Your Reality)


I don’t exactly know what I just did, or what thoughts I was thinking, or what things I was focused on, but I felt like my entire reality just shifted. It was a horrifying shift – nothing that I was used to experience. Since my childhood, I had these issues with my parents because I felt neglected because (1) my little sister was born only a year later than me but they ended up giving all their attention to her and (2) they claim that they were just naturally “emotionally distant” – but it doesn’t make sense to me since all people have emotions and emotional needs and it is their duty to make their children feel loved and appreciated for them to be equipped with confidence to go through life. And this is what terrified me: lately my parents were attending to my needs as if they were my maid or butler. Also, I always felt that my friends take me for granted all the time and hurt me intentionally. This normally happens a lot now that I’m a college student. However, now I feel like they show me so much love and appreciation, and that they are so careful to avoid hurting my feelings now. Also, some acquaintances of mine from my hometown whom I only spend time with during flights to the same school that we study in were normally distant to me and thinking that I was so stuck-up and very hard to befriend. Now they are so comfortable around me that sometimes I am the reason of their laughter. During this time of my life, it’s like my entire reality shifted into something that is nice, but something that I am not used to. It’s like my normal vibration of “I am not important” suddenly shifted into “I am important” that it became so real.

And so, in order to make sense of these happenings, I’m gonna list the things I did which I think are essential in making this entirely different reality:

1.      I started paying more attention to myself. Some people have “negative” terms for this like being conceited, self-absorbed, selfish, and so on. However, to me this is more like “filling your own cup.” It means trusting yourself enough to know what’s best for you. I buy what I want, I identify my desires, and I heed my physical needs like really eating when I’m hungry and not ignoring it due to some special circumstances. I say no to the things I know I really don’t like, and go for what I want. It’s because our desires are a part of us, and ignoring them won’t make them go away. We would only go for our desires subconsciously, or in a very underhanded way (which isn’t the best way of achieving them). When I started paying more attention to my happiness and health, less and less people are out there to bring me sadness or anger.

2.      I wasnt suppressing my feelings anymore – I stayed true to them even if it sometimes meant having a temper tantrum. I am infamous for being a pretty emotional person, but sometimes what causes me suffering the most is the suppression of my negative emotions in order to keep the harmony in the society. I stopped doing it and started paying attention to my emotions, whether they are good or bad. People need to learn how to stop making an enemy of their emotions because they are just our inner guidance system that signals where our current vibrations are. They are here to teach us lessons about ourselves. When I started heeding my emotions all the time, I became carefree and very authentic. I guess I’ve become a happier person.

3.      I started moving away from the negative people who werent treating me right, and who I know were having negative perceptions of me. This is what caused me so much suffering last year. I tried so hard to please them and make them like me, but that was so exhausting and very self-deprecating. We need to remember that we cannot control what other people think of us; we can only control what we think of ourselves. Also, what we do in our life is none of their business. They have their own lives to take care of. But if the people around you are already becoming extreme to the point that they are out to destroy you (or your reputation, most of the time), it is not your business to work on changing their mindsets. Just save yourself and stay away from these negative people. They are angry people who hate themselves. And so when I started moving away from the people who hurt me intentionally, I started attracting the opposite – which are the people who treat me very nicely.

4.      I am really a person who cares a lot about what other people think of me, but this time I dont really care. Deep in my heart I don’t really care. I am not bothered anymore by the anxiety caused by image-consciousness. It’s like I have a world of my own, wherein what I think of myself is what really counts for me. All people have their own opinions, but the worst thing we can do for ourselves is to let their criticisms ruin our self-esteem. You don’t want people who’d only accept you for who they want you to be; you want people who accept you for who you are, despite your “flaws” and complexities.

5.      I started feeling good about myself. We all have our insecurities and imperfections which make us feel a bit of hatred for who we are. We always compare ourselves to others and thus feel excruciating envy towards what they have that we have always desired for ourselves. Sometimes others’ little criticisms of us are enough for us to feel like a worthless person, but these are normal and are happening to all people – including those who seem so perfect. The secret to this is to start appreciating ourselves for who we are and eliminate “vertical thinking” or thinking that there are always people who are better or less than us. Everyone is unique and we all have different potentials, so we must discover what ours is and work on developing our own unique skills and talents. I guess I started seeing myself as someone who has nice abilities and attributes and not really worthy of belittling in any way. I started seeing myself as someone who’s very capable especially if I overcome my shyness and if I really put my mind into it. I started seeing myself as someone who’s worthy of love and appreciation. But I stopped seeking love and appreciation from other people; I started giving them to myself.

It took me so many years of suffering and pain to finally learn about manipulating our destiny. But destiny in itself does not exist, for we are meant to take charge of our own lives. We are responsible for what’s happening to us. No, I am not yet living a successful life, but it makes me happy that I’ve finally learned the secret (HINT: watch the movie entitled “The Secret” released in 2012) to live a life of happiness and achieve our deepest desires. I cannot tell you how impossible all of these were a few months or a few years before. I really wanna share with you pieces of my life but I think it’s more important that you know about the law of attraction and how the teachings of Teal Swan has impacted my life a lot (although this is just the beginning). We are not born to suffer; we are here in this planet to expand, achieve our desires, and fulfil our pre-birth intentions by following our bliss. And I lessen the sufferings in this world by being a happy person myself. Hooray for stepping out of hopelessness!

My 2015 Psychic Forecast


Our classes will start on January 26, so I wanted to know what my year will be like and what its theme would be. Many people said that their 2014 was awesome but that’s not the case for me! And so, I consulted my favourite psychic, Lawrence of L.A. (anchor4u@aol.com), to prepare for this new year:

My Question:
 Hi Lawrence! This is now my first question for the year. How will by 2015 be? What will probably be the theme of this year for my life?
Thanks in advance. :))
By the way thank you for my dream interpretations. You’re so good! And I heard from a video I watched last night that L.A. has lots of dark forces. Is that true? Can I know how?

His Answer:
hi
 
young men young men young men, this year  feels like looking for a boyfriend but maybe not telling family about it. message i also got dont do unprotected sex, temptation might be there,
 
also theme i got is focus on education,
 
take a creative writing class,
 
your soul wants to keep a journal of daily adventures,
 
write them down,
 
write short stories this year is message i also got,
 
get into writing period
 
 
as u know one free question after there first of each month
 
all big cities have dark forces  and also have light forces, depends where you put your energy,
 
lots of yoga medication in l.a,   i show you around when your here lol
 
best
lawrence


I guess I was wrong that the theme will be new beginnings, because still there are sexual temptations that always ruin my life. But I was right that this is the time to be more focused on education! And I’m glad to hear that I must write more often now. That’s where I think I’m good at. Looks like there will be lots of exciting blogs and documentations this year. *grins*

2014


My ceiling fan broke. My flash drive was lost. I lost several friendships and discovered their ingenuity. My laptop broke down. The circumstances forced me to move into another dormitory. Friendships with other people are put to test. I experienced many losses that my self esteem started to fall apart too. I snap easily and often get into temper tantrums. It’s easier to fall into delusions. It’s easier to make a world of my own. Because during 2014, everything that I had, owned, and earned was moving away from me. I was trapped in my own misery. I personally think that the general energy of the year 2014 had the theme of LOSS. Losses, tests, unexpected turns, going away, escape. Obviously, it was a very difficult year for me. However, what makes me happy is that 2014 seems to only pave the way for 2015 which seems to be a year of CHANGES and NEW BEGINNINGS.


There had to be pain, losses, and destruction so we’d have a chance of healing and transformation. The happenings during 2014 forced me to examine myself and listen to my inner guidance system. The circumstances last year purged the people in my lives. 2014 knocked my self-esteem out; but of course I’d rise again. It made me realize that I should stop externalizing my worth because it had nothing to do with other people’s opinions and perspectives. It made me realize that my soul really wants to be with spiritual people, not just shallow people who gossip and drink. Last year, I tried hard to fit in yet I feel shunned by the society. I felt like the belonging was temporary, fake. Most people didn’t want to deal with me during my dark days. Nobody wanted to help me. Nobody is a true friend. But I realized that the number one priority I should have is to love myself. Trying hard to please people who don’t even love you is worthless, and still wouldn’t yield your desired results. I realized that whatever reputation I may have depends on the person. I realized that selfishness is the only thing that I needed. I hurt by caring about what they think, when they don’t even care about me. 2014 forced me to become stronger.


I always sang the song “Stronger” by Britney Spears before, thinking that I already had experienced the greatest pain but my experiences before were nothing compared to my experiences during 2014. It was literally the worst year ever – where even my most trusted friends turned their backs on me and I was left with nothing but myself. But this 2015, “Stronger” would be my theme song, because I would indeed be “stronger than yesterday, now it’s nothing but my way.” I don’t need their misleading opinions. I am enough. I didn’t even find them useful at all. And now, meaning the beginning of this year, is my chance to have fresh beginnings and conquer whatever I want in order to manifest my desires in this life. This is because the energy shift won’t start right away in our new year – it will be on the spring equinox [20 March 2015], the real new year. The real indicator of a fresh beginning – spring. The unfortunate cirmunstances mentioned the earliest in this post were signs of what is and what is to become. This is a year of transformation.

Compliments of Beauty


Today, I am a match to being consecutively told that I am beautiful, the way I carry my clothes is beautiful, my college course (AB in Literature) is beautiful, and my hair is beautiful. I am aware that I am very insecure regarding my identity and looks, and just recently (I guess for the past few days or weeks) I suffered greatly from not accepting that I get jealous of a friend and an acquaintance because of their beauty and charm. I suffered because just accepting the fact that you feel envy especially for the people that you know is embarrassing in my perspective. And so, to protect myself from those negative emotions again, I avoided get-togethers for a little while. I don’t wanna be competing with other girls again. I need time to be me. I need time to find myself and completely accept me. My winter vacation is mostly consumed by watching Teal Swan videos and interviews. I have been feeling helpless that I now seek the teachings regarding how the third dimension in this vast universe works.

Knowing myself, I know that I greatly value beauty. I want to be a work of art. I want beautiful things. I want people’s adoration and admiration. Sorry, but that’s the way I am. And that’s the last time I’m gonna be apologizing for my identity. I am not ashamed that I am a sucker for people’s admirations especially about my beauty because that’s who I am especially since when I was little. I’ve been admiring women in their twenties who have very beautiful faces and bodies. And I knew deep in my heart that I desire to be one of them. And that’s also the reason why I became addicted to Britney Spears since the age of ten. I also loved M2M and how they portray teenage freedom, beauty, and carefreeness. I knew that I wanted to be them – long-haired, pretty, tall, sexy, and happy. But sometimes in the midst of admiring our idols, we also have to look at ourselves and take time to appreciate. We have been created differently, so we are meant to create a different reality. And today is a special day because people have been appreciating me.

Today, I went into the hospital to visit my father. As usual, I have been feeling a little insecure regarding my looks. I felt like I became thinner, my clothes were too simple (and not sexy as usual), and my hair was not pretty enough (I cut it shorter). But I disregarded by insecurity for a little while, I guess. I don’t know what I was focusing on, but I was a bit surprised to be complimented of nice things about me that I probably have forgotten. It was by my mother (who praised me very little in my childhood) and by a pretty woman I met at the hospital. The psychics I have consulted have told me that people find me attractive over and over again, but my insecurity still strikes. I guess I still need that constant reminder and admiration. I cannot rely on myself to praise myself. But the fact that I am a match to compliments of beauty today posed questions in my mind: Have I been treating myself better? Have I cultivated inner beauty?

My physical appearance, clothes, and career are what usually occupy the mind of a teenager like me, so I guess that is one synchronicity! I guess the universe is telling me (through them) that I am on the right track, that I am in the right direction of my desires. These are small things but they greatly impacted me. That throughout the time that I have always been insecure and suffering from envy, I was not able to see my own beauty. I have always been looking outward that I forgot to look inward. I have a distorted view of myself when I am actually a precious jewel. Actually I still don’t believe it now. I still need a tangible evidence to actually believe – but I guess the more I appreciate myself, bit by bit the evidence will show. But now I am just so happy to be reminded of my beauty. :)
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