A Provoked Phoenix

For people who are too passive, docile, and don’t know in which direction they should lead their lives – sometimes getting provoked is the best way to get them into action. For a long time I didn’t give a shit about people who always criticize me, ruin my reputation, or always let me down, but I guess now is the right time to fight back. No, I don’t mean to cause violent commotion – but I think I should now take action to help myself now. I can’t take it anymore, so I’m fighting back. If the people around me are constantly causing me to feel bad about myself and are always getting me to delve into the lowest vibrations of hopelessness, then perhaps it’s time to just think about myself and not bother pleasing anyone anymore. Someone just poked me into feeling very bitter, that I suddenly became inspired to become better.

Majority of the human population say that the key to happiness is to accept yourself and not bother about what other people think. However, there are times when we shouldn’t just accept ourselves the way we are now because that means having to stay in the current level that we are in. Isn’t it amazing how jealousy, envy, anger, indignation, and grief spur us to grow enormously or transform into better creatures? Why, it isn’t wrong to be pushed into action by negative feelings because it is the only way to move on when we’re in a bottomless pit of negativity for a long time. Certainly the best way to be successful is to take action from a feeling of inspiration, positivity and hope; but hurt people definitely cannot do that. I cannot be inspired when I’m wounded and afflicted. It’s more like I am plotting revenge against no particular person. I am plotting revenge against life who is my enemy. And I’m going to make life my poor little servant.

I always make little lists of resolutions to be followed for my own betterment, but I don’t really follow them. I always make lists of the things I’m grateful for, yet I still feel grave discontentment. I always make lists of what I like about myself, yet I still suffer from self-deprecation and a low self-esteem. It seems like I always fail to elevate myself into a high spiritual, intellectual, and physical state. But like I’ve said earlier, I’ve already had enough. Another year is already approaching, so the earth must prepare for a new me. Yes, I will totally transform myself. And when I say “transform,” what I mean is that I will be unrecognizable, I will be a hundred times healthier, and I will be a thousand times more successful. And the best way to do this is to go far, far away, hide myself for a little while, and focus on what makes me happy. It’s now time to be very selfish.

This time, I am determined to move away from the negative people who are jealous and are doing me harm. Staying in this hellish space would only deteriorate my physical, mental, and psychological health; and having little problems about some silly demons would only hinder my growth. Because you see, I have been burnt and defeated for the last few years that I am now determined to rise from the ashes like a phoenix. Excruciating injuries from common rocks made me realize that I am a diamond in the rough. I wouldn’t settle for anything third-rate now, you know. My soul is burning with so much wrath that it aches for vengeance. But I have heard from someone I don’t remember that even if we don’t do anything, the universe will just bestow bad karma to the people who deserve it. I don’t want to exact vengeance that is very awesome to behold, so I will just take care of myself, improve my life, and just basically become a much better woman so I could just rise above the situation to the point that I will be too great to even think about them.

But it’s all thanks to several years of pain and suffering that I’m going to move forward. No one should be looking down on me anymore. No one should be destroying me anymore. Because I don’t care about pleasing anyone anymore. And yet it isn’t necessary for anyone to know my plans. But it’s enough for them to know that since then, I am ever-changing, and ever-evolving. You can’t blame me for having a great loathing for those people – because when people destroy me, they really destroy me. And I always get destroyed, defeated. I always cry, and I always gain a bad reputation. So for now – at least for now – holding on to the grave inner pain that was engraved upon my heart would be my source of inspiration. I still have not gotten out of a spiral of negativity, but I promise to the whole universe that I am certainly a phoenix who will rise from the ashes. 


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