An Angry Letter of Love


            Of course your sudden coolness perplexed me; it made me wonder what I have done wrong, or what in the world I did to get you annoyed. Your past warmth had gone into oblivion, and I was left wondering where the soul of my dear friend had gone. I was hurt – deeply hurt indeed, for I gave you everything; I never tire of giving you affection in exchange of yours. I love you so much, but I cannot stand your sudden rudeness. Suddenly you’re so far away, but you try to conceal your deep-seated anger towards me. Do you honestly think that I’m stupid? Because I feel everything. I know what goes on. But I hate that you can’t even confront me face to face about something that my own conscience doesn’t even know about.

            Your subtle gestures of hatred – I feel it all. And you very well know that I only thrive on warmth that I cannot stand a cold shoulder. But I will endure it all; yes, I can endure it all. And I also know very well that I’ve been a very good friend to you. I just can’t accept those little annoyances that you have about me which only proves that you aren’t being that genuine to me – for a true friend accepts his friend wholly with all those imperfections. I’m not washing my hands clean, but it’s true that I accept you for who you are. I just can’t accept the fact that sometimes, those who you lean on the most get to hurt you the most. And you’re just doing it with your sudden indifference. I try hard not to dwell on this, but it’s you who has to be warned of being careful of hurting me. It may not be obvious but I can see through your weaknesses. I can see through your tough armor that hides your brittle flesh.

            In terms of physical violence, I am a very harmless person. You still have to reach my boiling point (which is 10,000 Celsius) for me to be tempted to break your bones into little pieces. Don’t worry; I’m too soft for that murderous tendency. But my automatic resort is to ignore you back and let your bone marrows feel the hurt that you’ve inflicted upon me. Because someday, I know that you’ll miss the way I cling on your arms. You’ll get uneasy that you cannot already go to me when something bothers you. You’ll miss the moments when you feel feminine and vulnerable when you’re with me. You’ll surely regret ignoring the soft part of you which you see as a weakness. Bit by bit, you’ll be tormented more and more by our mutual indifference to each other; and you’ll start to wonder where our precious moments together will now go. The world sees you as the tough one and me as the fragile one, yet the truth is the opposite. I know it very well despite your efforts of concealment, so don’t you dare sever your ties with me.

            Do I seem like I’m threatening you? Indeed I do, for the battlefield that we’re stepping on isn’t narrow. It’s so vast that I can still run after you despite your raising of your white flag. Remember that a particular wrath incurred in me lasts for ages, so you better watch out. I can play with your negative feelings like guilt and jealousy as I go on living my happy life. People like you are my inspiration for achieving so much. One day you will look back and see that I have risen above the ugly situation that we are in now, that I am not even fit to be your silent enemy ever again. So yes, dear friend, I am still hoping that you change your mind because things will really get ugly.

Much love


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