A Life about Beauty

I am just 18 but when I look back at what happened during the past seventeen years and compare it to what I am now, one quote of Jane Austen comes into my mind:

“To look almost pretty is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain for the first fifteen years of her life than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive.”

Yes, it is true that beauty and attractiveness can get you far in life. It can attract people who are useful tools for your success; but at the same time, it can also attract people wanting so bad to harm you when they feel like you get on their way. For the past seventeen years of my life, I have struggled for the attainment of and because of the lack of beauty. I battled with acne, had intense heartbreaks, had my skills and talents ignored because of my plainness, had people dislike me for my appearance and a lot more. I feel like my whole life was about beauty. Or at least that’s how I think it is. Maybe all I think about is beauty. I create beauty through art, and I try to make myself one. Some people who don’t know how to draw, sing, or dance early in life definitely learn if they feel like it’s their calling or they get really passionate. So perhaps it’s the same for attractiveness and beauty. Every single one of us, especially the females, have an innate beauty within them but some of us just need to have it awakened. I couldn’t be wrong about beauty being the subject of my present life here on earth as it is what I always think about. And what you always think about is where your heart and soul is. Perhaps my mission in this life is to find true beauty.

And so, regarding the Austen quote written above – every late bloomer can relate to it. This stage of my life perhaps is an exciting one, as I seem to have finally reached my dream of becoming prettier. And even though I am still not up to the standards of becoming Miss Universe, the universe still granted me this gift where I get male attention quite often and they definitely find me attractive. That is the goal of feminine beauty anyway. And in case my intuition really does function perfectly, then it must be true that people treat me depending on how to they react to my beauty. Often, people love me for it. While some people approach me and sometimes use me, some people definitely wanted to have nothing to do with me. Some girls just try to rob me of everything, even my closest friends. Some girls try to make rumors about me when the guy they like happens to like me. Some girls just treat me badly for no reason at all. And that’s the last thing we want beauty to do to us. I know that I may sound like boasting, but let's face it -- women know what I'm talking about. Beauty can really separate us from one another because it s seen as a powerful weapon to attract a mate that would secure our survival. 

Sometimes, I don’t think that I really wanted how beauty serves me its purpose. Yes, I always attract attention from men and women alike. My relatives always talk to me despite my introversion because they think I’m pretty. I can say that I love the attention but I don’t really know what to do with it. I attract some men and I get flattered when the teenage ones flock to me and try to know me right after they saw me. However, I don’t know what to do with older and dirty men on the streets. They creep me out and I always feel bad for the men I am walking with because they always receive criticism. I also tend to attract men who are crazy and obsessed with me and just can’t leave me alone even though they know that I’m already taken or even if they know that I don’t like them back. They don’t see how I’m afraid of them. And although having people dislike me hurts me deep inside, there are just some girls who don’t like me and unfortunately I couldn’t do anything about what they think about me. There must be a particular reason; but I just automatically think that they're probably jealous because there were lots of instances wherein I was hated because the attention that they wanted goes to me instead. And although it was my dream to be as pretty as Britney Spears, sometimes I hated being pretty because of the hatred and issues I used to deal with. 

The saddest part of being beautiful is that the people around you don’t make an effort in knowing you too well. They get too satisfied in physical beauty and that’s all they see – the outer shell. And although it’s not hard for me to attract romantic partners, it’s hard for me to find men who would love me for who I am. It hurts when you discover they only want you to satisfy their carnal lust. It’s sad that when their naked eyes see your beauty too easily, that they don’t care about the beauty of your soul anymore. At first I enjoy being envied for my looks, but life is still the same no matter how you look. I wish all people can see past the beauty of the eyes and try to know the soul lurking underneath that they may know that beautiful people desire to be loved not only because of their physical bodies.


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