Jealousy among Girls

But Snow-white was growing up, and grew more and more beautiful; and when she was seven years old she was as beautiful as the day, and more beautiful than the Queen herself. And once when the Queen asked her looking-glass --
"Looking-glass, Looking-glass, on the wall,
Who in this land is the fairest of all?" it answered --
"Thou art fairer than all who are here, Lady Queen."
But more beautiful still is Snow-white, as I ween."
Then the Queen was shocked, and turned yellow and green with envy. From that hour, whenever she looked at Snow-white, her heart heaved in her breast, she hated the girl so much.
And envy and pride grew higher and higher in her heart like a weed, so that she had no peace day or night. She called a huntsman, and said, "Take the child away into the forest; I will no longer have her in my sight. Kill her, and bring me back her heart as a token." The huntsman obeyed, and took her away; but when he had drawn his knife, and was about to pierce Snow-white's innocent heart, she began to weep, and said, "Ah dear huntsman, leave me my life! I will run away into the wild forest, and never come home again."
(an excerpt from “Little Snow-White” by the Grimm Brothers)

Snow White

During your teenage years, you may have some girlfriends and probably have heard them rant about some other girl whether she’s close to her or not. Girls backstab each other. And you may have heard something like this: “Oh, I hate this life. Why does every guy like her? Why do people always say that she’s pretty? She isn’t even pretty at all, with all honesty. Well…yeah, she’s pretty all right, but it’s not like she’s suited to join a beauty pageant! I actually think I’m prettier than her. YOU are also prettier than her. I hate how she gets all the attention. I hate how I study *very* hard while I get only B’s but she gets A’s effortlessly. This must be a matter of favoritism. Oh, I hate this life! I hate that girl! I wish she gets ugly, she’s too perfect!”

You may also have that one girlfriend whom the mean girls love to pick on and says something like this: “I am not doing anything to them! Can they just mind their own businesses? Even my own friends hate on me while I’m just being a good friend. Sometimes I also feel that I’m just getting used and when I confide my problems to them, it’s still me who gets judged. Fake friends! Can you believe this? I can’t believe that they’re talking about me behind my back and spread untrue gossips about me. Even my suitors get affected and my image to them is already ruined. But…they aren’t worth my time anyway. They’re probably insecure of themselves when I’m around. I’m innocent – and all I know is that I’m pretty, intelligent, and talented. THEY’RE JUST JEALOUS.”

Ah. Girls and their dramas.

While people, especially boys, may just see these incidents as melodramas, they happen in real life and are worse than what you know. In the world of women, jealousy is always present. Whether they admit it or not, there is always, always, ALWAYS a silent competition among them. Fairy tales may be partly to blame because Disney princesses are always beautiful, and gets handsome princes. Society always esteems women who are beautiful, intelligent, rich, and talented – in short, women who stands apart from others. Growing up, girls have women whom they admire. Take me for example: I loved Britney Spears since I was a child, and admired her beauty, talents, charm, and nice body. I even remembered myself say, “Oh, I want to be like her when I grow up! And when I become like her in the future, I’m sure that many men will be laying their hearts on my feet.” One very true fact about girls is that every girl wants to be the most beautiful and charming of all women – if not, to be the woman who is coveted by every man in the planet. That, whether they admit it or not, is the truth.

I’m going to give my honest opinion about this. I have knowledge in this matter because I’ve been in this situation before. There are girls who live quietly, mind their own businesses, love their friends, and think of the world as friendly but this innocent perspective of theirs gets ruined because of people who get unfriendly to them for no reason at all. Some people talk behind their backs and point out their flaws. Some people even spread gossips about them. Some people even dare to ruin their personal lives like ruining the girl’s image on her suitor or discouraging her about love matters. Some people just glare at them for no reason at all. These circumstances definitely worries a girl and makes her think about what’s wrong with her or think of anything that she has done wrong. These circumstances cause paranoia. These cause the girl to cry at night and think that the world is against her. These deeply hurt the heart more than you can imagine. These surely give every girl a terrible feeling and a negative psychological effect on her. Sometimes, they just think that they’re jealous because they’re pretty, talented, and something like that. While it may be true, it doesn’t mean that those girls are conceited. Sometimes it’s just their way of consoling themselves. I personally think that although the lives of pretty girls may seem perfect, it’s hard for them to live in this world because there are evil eyes around them that would desperately want to witness their downfall for their beauty and whatever they got causes jealousy and hatred that is hard to bear for some people.

Admit it, you get jealous too. You get jealous of someone who’s better-looking, richer, or smarter than you. But perhaps it depends on what kind of person you are. If you pride yourself for being a belle, you may get jealous of the woman who’s more beautiful than you are and who has the potential to steal the attention away from you. If you pride yourself for being good at painting, you may get jealous of someone who paints better than you. If you’re the type who loves to get complimented and praised and cares a lot about the approval of other people, the person who seems to be almost perfect and definitely gets all of the praises you want for yourself may cause you jealousy. That’s life. Jealousy is part of human nature, they say. However, not all people get jealous and some people get jealous easily. And although some people may say that jealousy is normal, it’s not a good thing at all because it ruins relationships. Sometimes, the silent treatment or awkward treatment alone that your friend may give you because of a feeling of slight jealousy is a dangerous thing that may lead the two of you to be ex-friends.

I don’t know how boys get jealous of each other, but I know that it’s very different from girls. Girls can get very phony with each other (which is so annoying) because they are always in silent competition and no one wants to admit that they’re insecure or envious. Some girls try hard to surpass that girl who triggers their jealousy but fail anyway so they have no choice but to hate. When someone hates you for no reason at all, there is a big possibility that that person is jealous of you. Hate actually comes from the bitter feeling that someone has something that you want for yourself but you don’t have. Hate also comes from feeling helpless but you don’t want to feel that way – for example: In a group of friends, you expect to be the prettiest. However, when one of your friends, who’s undeniably prettier than you, suddenly goes with you, you suddenly feel that the male species around are eyeing on her and your friends’ attention is on her. That makes you feel inferior but you can’t do anything. Therefore, you had no choice but to just hate her.

Personally, I despise people who are easily jealous. I hate people who get jealous on their friends. A true friend is happy for her friend, not wanting to surpass her in any way. I hate people who let people down and get sarcastic to the person they are jealous of. That’s just too desperate. It really ruins relationships. I mean, why can’t they be contented with themselves? If they’re too jealous, why won’t they spend time making themselves better than hating on someone? Haters make the world a more forlorn place. I have read in a forum somewhere that the father of her husband once said, “Never befriend ugly people. They are born with angst in the world.” The word “ugly” is kind of harsh, but I slightly agree with the statement (just replace the word ugly). I guess it really refers to people who are insecure with themselves. Most insecure people don’t know how to handle their insecurities. Instead of making themselves better, they just put people down to feel good about themselves. Nothing changes on their traits by doing that – they’re just harming people and making known to them their bad self-image. Although girls don’t fight physically for petty things, they hate and hate and hate and that alone hurts the heart more than you could ever imagine. Who said that being a girl was so easy?

Man and Woman

This is not another Soc Sci 5 (sex and gender) preaching about feminism. Women, especially innocent young girls, have little or no idea about what really men are and how their minds function. However, having some few observations in my environment, and talking to a good man in his thirties, it feels like I’ve already taken a sneak peek into their minds.

Being just nearly eighteen, I’ve just fully comprehended how men and women really differ. When I was in elementary, boys my age loved to tell sexual jokes to annoy the hell out of girls. There were many things that exposed me to sexual stuff like TV advertisements and indecent newspapers, but I tried to ignore them because being just a little girl back then, I was disgusted by sex. My mother told me and my sister about it when I was seven and she was five; and even though she wasn’t very biased in speaking, I’ve had an impression that it was an immoral, disgusting, evil, horrifying, yet very tempting and pleasurable deed. And whenever I see TV news about a girl about my age being a victim of rape, and having my Mama tell me what rape is, I automatically had the impression that the rapist was possessed by a demon of lust. I also happened to read in a Health and Home book something about rape that happens in marriage. I suddenly remembered that Mama told me that after a girl has been raped, she becomes pregnant. I was enlightened by that fact. How else would my mother conceive me and my sister? I was shocked back then and I was like, “My parents had sex with each other?!!!” It was the start of the corruption of my innocence. Well, I hope my notion of sex then was forgivable, because it seemed to me that girls are victims while the boys are oppressors. My relationship with my male classmates weren’t affected though, because we were still on the same level of innocence, and at that time we were still fascinated by the Jollibee mascot and amused by few of our poor delicate classmates who fear that big fat bee.

As time passed by, when I was a preteen, I noticed that boys started to get shy around girls and hang out with their buddies of the same sex. They started singing rock songs to make them “astig”, and started winking at pretty girls at a distance. I was still childish back then even though my body was already starting to develop into a womanly one, so I despised the fact that boys weren’t so close to girls anymore. We couldn’t even play tag in those days, because it would give others the impression that we were flirting. I was about ten or eleven then. My boy classmates were learning how to woo a girl and outgrow their childish ways of getting a girl’s attention. They were starting to wear clothes hiphop-ishly. Girls also started to take care of their appearance. They started to put baby powder on their faces during recesses. Some even wear clothes that show off their curves. Some already started to display their beautiful legs by wearing short shorts. We were starting to be aware of the opposite sex. It was the start of our development of sexual attraction.

When I reached high school, I guess my remaining innocence about these matters were only about 25%. I was shocked by the fact that some of my classmates when we were just freshies already had boyfriends during elementary. We were just twelve years old then! And so, it was in high school when I became conscious of my looks. Because of utter curiosity, I started having boyfriends in text messages first. I get shocked by sexual messages by random male textmates. I was disgusted, and so I searched for better people with whom I can experience true love. Well, you see, I was actually a believer of soul mates, true love, and forever! I could just laugh at myself for being too influenced by fairy tales. I also hear gossips about our old classmates having several boyfriends or girlfriends, kissing this and that, and being not a virgin anymore. Sex and virginity were very sensitive topics for me, you know. And so, I couldn’t help but judge them. We were too young! I was also wondering how two high school couples could have sex with each other. My idea of a romantic relationship was holding hands, shy smiles while sitting beside each other in silence, a simple peck on the lips, romantic dates on restaurants, and plans of marriage. I wondered how girls, especially pretty ones, could be lured into doing such a thing. Okay, you may be thinking that I am prudish. Although I may be, you couldn’t blame me for I was aware of Bible verses against fornication and was taught by my mother not to give my virginity to any guy until marriage.

Like most teenage girls, I’ve been courted, wooed, and asked to be one’s girlfriend. Well, you see, I was once very innocent that the romantic idea of having a boyfriend, especially a handsome one, engulfed me. My penetrating gaze couldn’t still see through their souls of what they really want because I was blinded by the sweet things that they’ve done to me – buying me roses, saying “I love you”, complimenting my beauty, paying the bills in a restaurant, holding my hands while walking, smiling sweetly at me, and gently kissing my lips. I thought that having a boyfriend was an uplifter of social status. I’ve had boyfriends to satisfy my emotional needs and romantic idealisms. I thought then that men and women were the same.

It wasn’t until now that I understood the main difference between men and women. Like most girls, I have also read in some internet articles that men are very visual creatures. They get attracted to every beautiful girl that they see. Pastor Nelson told me that he finds me very beautiful (modesty aside), and that I should be careful because of it. He told me that guys about my age are just looking for sexual pleasures. Whenever men see a beautiful woman, they feel a strange and great desire. It was really the way God designed them, he said. Men think on their wrong heads – their heads inside their pants. *if you know what I mean* He said that that was the reason why Satan uses women to make men stumble. That is the reason why men look for girlfriends. They want to satisfy their sexual desires. You may also notice that male authors frequently use sexuality in their works. This is really the way we are designed: men are driven by lust, while women are driven by emotions.

Would I still believe in true love? Pure love? Love without lust? Yes, beautiful women naturally trigger men to desire to hug and kiss them – or simply desire them. I have learned that fact in the novels that I have read: Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden and The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo. Beautiful women are not coveted by men for love alone but for wanting to get their virginity so bad. This was hard for me to understand at first because I am a girl and I am not God to have access to people’s minds. I haven’t fully realized it until a good man I know in his thirties told me of this harsh truth. Now that’s the difference between men and women.
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