Man and Woman


This is not another Soc Sci 5 (sex and gender) preaching about feminism. Women, especially innocent young girls, have little or no idea about what really men are and how their minds function. However, having some few observations in my environment, and talking to a good man in his thirties, it feels like I’ve already taken a sneak peek into their minds.

Being just nearly eighteen, I’ve just fully comprehended how men and women really differ. When I was in elementary, boys my age loved to tell sexual jokes to annoy the hell out of girls. There were many things that exposed me to sexual stuff like TV advertisements and indecent newspapers, but I tried to ignore them because being just a little girl back then, I was disgusted by sex. My mother told me and my sister about it when I was seven and she was five; and even though she wasn’t very biased in speaking, I’ve had an impression that it was an immoral, disgusting, evil, horrifying, yet very tempting and pleasurable deed. And whenever I see TV news about a girl about my age being a victim of rape, and having my Mama tell me what rape is, I automatically had the impression that the rapist was possessed by a demon of lust. I also happened to read in a Health and Home book something about rape that happens in marriage. I suddenly remembered that Mama told me that after a girl has been raped, she becomes pregnant. I was enlightened by that fact. How else would my mother conceive me and my sister? I was shocked back then and I was like, “My parents had sex with each other?!!!” It was the start of the corruption of my innocence. Well, I hope my notion of sex then was forgivable, because it seemed to me that girls are victims while the boys are oppressors. My relationship with my male classmates weren’t affected though, because we were still on the same level of innocence, and at that time we were still fascinated by the Jollibee mascot and amused by few of our poor delicate classmates who fear that big fat bee.

As time passed by, when I was a preteen, I noticed that boys started to get shy around girls and hang out with their buddies of the same sex. They started singing rock songs to make them “astig”, and started winking at pretty girls at a distance. I was still childish back then even though my body was already starting to develop into a womanly one, so I despised the fact that boys weren’t so close to girls anymore. We couldn’t even play tag in those days, because it would give others the impression that we were flirting. I was about ten or eleven then. My boy classmates were learning how to woo a girl and outgrow their childish ways of getting a girl’s attention. They were starting to wear clothes hiphop-ishly. Girls also started to take care of their appearance. They started to put baby powder on their faces during recesses. Some even wear clothes that show off their curves. Some already started to display their beautiful legs by wearing short shorts. We were starting to be aware of the opposite sex. It was the start of our development of sexual attraction.

When I reached high school, I guess my remaining innocence about these matters were only about 25%. I was shocked by the fact that some of my classmates when we were just freshies already had boyfriends during elementary. We were just twelve years old then! And so, it was in high school when I became conscious of my looks. Because of utter curiosity, I started having boyfriends in text messages first. I get shocked by sexual messages by random male textmates. I was disgusted, and so I searched for better people with whom I can experience true love. Well, you see, I was actually a believer of soul mates, true love, and forever! I could just laugh at myself for being too influenced by fairy tales. I also hear gossips about our old classmates having several boyfriends or girlfriends, kissing this and that, and being not a virgin anymore. Sex and virginity were very sensitive topics for me, you know. And so, I couldn’t help but judge them. We were too young! I was also wondering how two high school couples could have sex with each other. My idea of a romantic relationship was holding hands, shy smiles while sitting beside each other in silence, a simple peck on the lips, romantic dates on restaurants, and plans of marriage. I wondered how girls, especially pretty ones, could be lured into doing such a thing. Okay, you may be thinking that I am prudish. Although I may be, you couldn’t blame me for I was aware of Bible verses against fornication and was taught by my mother not to give my virginity to any guy until marriage.

Like most teenage girls, I’ve been courted, wooed, and asked to be one’s girlfriend. Well, you see, I was once very innocent that the romantic idea of having a boyfriend, especially a handsome one, engulfed me. My penetrating gaze couldn’t still see through their souls of what they really want because I was blinded by the sweet things that they’ve done to me – buying me roses, saying “I love you”, complimenting my beauty, paying the bills in a restaurant, holding my hands while walking, smiling sweetly at me, and gently kissing my lips. I thought that having a boyfriend was an uplifter of social status. I’ve had boyfriends to satisfy my emotional needs and romantic idealisms. I thought then that men and women were the same.

It wasn’t until now that I understood the main difference between men and women. Like most girls, I have also read in some internet articles that men are very visual creatures. They get attracted to every beautiful girl that they see. Pastor Nelson told me that he finds me very beautiful (modesty aside), and that I should be careful because of it. He told me that guys about my age are just looking for sexual pleasures. Whenever men see a beautiful woman, they feel a strange and great desire. It was really the way God designed them, he said. Men think on their wrong heads – their heads inside their pants. *if you know what I mean* He said that that was the reason why Satan uses women to make men stumble. That is the reason why men look for girlfriends. They want to satisfy their sexual desires. You may also notice that male authors frequently use sexuality in their works. This is really the way we are designed: men are driven by lust, while women are driven by emotions.

Would I still believe in true love? Pure love? Love without lust? Yes, beautiful women naturally trigger men to desire to hug and kiss them – or simply desire them. I have learned that fact in the novels that I have read: Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden and The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo. Beautiful women are not coveted by men for love alone but for wanting to get their virginity so bad. This was hard for me to understand at first because I am a girl and I am not God to have access to people’s minds. I haven’t fully realized it until a good man I know in his thirties told me of this harsh truth. Now that’s the difference between men and women.

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