My Idea of a Perfect Love


Many people confuse true love with infatuation and I admit that I am one of them too. We have been influenced by teenage love films and some literary works about passionate love; and that led us to think that we just have to sit pretty and wait for our prince charming to come to our lives and that we could recognize them by some sort of heavenly feeling or a feeling of kilig when our eyes met theirs. Yes, most romance pocket books usually have the main characters fall in love at first sight, and that also leads us to think that love can happen to two people that quickly. I strongly disagree on that point, because love really takes time, and what we call “love at first sight” is nothing but just physical attraction.

I have been disappointed many times in the subject of romance, and you can always hear me say the thing that I fear the most: “I’m destined to be an old maid!” However, in response to that, my elders always tell me that I shouldn’t be in a rush because love really takes time. From what I have observed, the love that’s so easily gotten can also be easily gone. Love that progresses very quickly often leads to the couple being tired of each other right away.

It isn’t necessary for my future husband and me to have intense attraction on the first few times that we meet. I actually fancy someone – who may be my childhood friend, my “enemy” during high school, or just an intimate friend during my teenage years to be my future husband. He doesn’t have to be my first boyfriend. He doesn’t have to be my boyfriend right away. I want friendship to pave the way to our fondness of each other that would eventually lead to true love. Sometimes, I think that people who get into relationships right away may be driven by lust – and I wouldn’t, of course, want that thing to get in the way of my relationships.

It’s nice to have a special friend (of the opposite sex) to ask advices from, laugh with, exchange opinions about everything, spend time together, sit together in silence, sing with, eat with, debate with, have quarrels with, exchange gifts with, tease, support, walk with, run with, etc. You know you’re friends and you’re fine with that. You love each other as friends. You may even have misunderstandings and have silent treatment afterward but still forgive each other at the end of the day. You just enjoy each other’s company, and you don’t expect anything. You’re just really fine with being just friends.

It’s also nice to have a childhood, elementary, or high school friend who used to have fun in pulling your pigtails. Then, after several years, you’d meet again and marvel at how much both of you have grown. Physically you may have changed, but that person you used to play with is still the same person. Still, you are friends because you have already been friends before.

Love is present in friendship and it shows in the way you treat each other. He’s the one you go to when you’re having problems. His shoulder catches all your tears. He knows how vulnerable you are. He knows how crabby you really are. He has seen you when you’re not dolled up. He knows a bit of your history. He knows why you are like that. He knows how much you have grown. You know each other inside-out, and you already know how to handle each other. You have known how to love each other.

And while being friends, you are unconscious of the feeling that develops between you. Surprisingly, you’re starting to feel a bit of physical attraction for them. You’re starting to list all the similarities you have, and how much you look alike. You may have a bit of crush for each other, but you never tell it. You know that it’s not yet time. You enjoy the present. You enjoy your friendship. You are just happy when you are with each other and that’s all you know.

Then, when you’re already on your mid-twenties, and you’re already financially stable, physically capable of reproducing, psychologically matured, or just simply gone wiser, that’s when you think of a potential spouse. The physical features of an ideal mate you may have listed during your high school days is already unimportant. You’ll pick someone you’re harmonious with, knows you inside-out, knows how to handle you, capable of being a responsible father of the family, and whom you undeniably love. I love it when a long-time friend would be my husband and not a stranger, because we already had happy, sad, and exciting moments together that would build up our love to each other. Passionate and excitable love is already inconsequential, because marriage doesn’t need dramas. It needs harmony, sweet joy, love, and peace. Your memories of your youth with each other could just be remembered with love. Friendship turned to love makes the strongest relationship.

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