Hating Parties, Loving Books

I hate parties. I hate socializing. I hate having to deal with strangers. And I always lock myself up in my room where I can build sandcastles in the air.

This has always been my problem since I was a kid. My mom always thought there was something wrong with me – and so I also thought that I have a problem with my personality. My mom had always been trying to change me, but it was always in vain. I just can’t change myself. I was also trying hard to change, but then I realized later on that this was just introversion. I was born an introvert and I am more comfortable recharging alone and living in my own inner world.

Admittedly, because I was still so innocent then, I really thought that I needed to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist or anything of that sort. I was obviously being compared to my younger sister who is an extrovert. She had no problem socializing with people. Why haven’t my mom learned about introversion? Why is she trying to change me into somebody I’m not? Why didn’t she know that I am just being the real me, and I’m acting in ways that I am comfortable in? You know what, if I didn’t find about this sooner, I’d suffer more with low self-esteem. At least now I can defend myself.

I wonder why my mom hadn’t thought that I was just like my father. My father is a quiet man who’s always reflecting on evenings outside our house alone. I don’t know what he’s thinking. His thoughts were always a mystery to me. When I was a kid, I thought of him as weird because he’s silent and his sense of humor is odd. Little did I know that it was from him I inherited my introversion. We enjoy silence, and we regain our energy through silence. That is why I love my father.

Okay, enough of the talk about introversion stuff. 

I also wonder why parties are repulsive to me even though the answer is very evident. Parties are about having fun. People are dancing wildly without worrying whether they look silly or not. People move their body according to the rhythm of the music. Sometimes, people shout nonsense, as if they are mildly possessed. Once, when I entered a nightclub, the lights were just so dizzying and that alone could drain my energy. Some people are drinking liquor. I have prevented myself from drinking alcoholic beverages because I am aware of how it could damage our health and the embarrassment caused by being drunk. My mother doesn’t smoke or drink, so I’d like to imitate her good behavior. Also, I have seen people there who do dirty dancing, and as the name seems, it doesn’t look nice to me. Couples dance as if they are releasing their bottled-up lusts, and I could infer that sexual intercourse would come afterwards if they couldn’t really control themselves anymore. It doesn’t look nice to me. I wouldn’t do it for I have vows on chastity. Also, the music, especially the beats, is so loud that I could already imagine that I am in the middle of a pagan ceremony, and it’s as if I could feel the presence of their evil god. I just slept on a corner despite the loud music, partly hoping that no one would hit on me. Trying to go to a nightclub was a big mistake and really a waste of time.

Being with people whom I don’t really know deeply for a long time exhausts me, and although I may be a bit shy, shyness isn’t the main reason why I withdraw. It’s just that I’m not comfortable with strangers no matter how friendly they are. I prefer the company of intimidating strangers only in small doses, and then I’d go back to my room, wear my pajamas, and read books. I am not used to make useless noises, and silence is just too precious for me. It’s my way of recharging. Honestly, I get kinda hurt when some people say that books are boring. When they find out that the way I spend time on a lazy afternoon is just by sleeping, writing on a diary, reading a book, and surfing the internet, I get told that my life is boring. I am not just the impulsive and adventurous kind of person. I treasure peace, silence, and solitude, especially when the only company I have is nature. They bring me a blissful kind of feeling that refreshes my soul. And although some people may love to have adventure by physically traveling, I’d prefer to go into faraway places by the help of books and with the use of my imagination. As my philosophy teacher said, you don’t always have to experience in order to know.

Also, when you compare partying to reading books, the latter is clearly the more beneficial one. The happiness brought to you by partying is only temporary. The worldly pleasures you pursue by doing it may give you evanescent ecstasy, but it has no permanent benefits. Lack of sleep and liquors may just bring you health problems. However, reading books make use of your mind and increase your mental power. For me, refusing party invitations (the ones held in nightclubs) from my friends won’t make me miss anything in my life, for partying doesn’t make me happy. Yes, I still do laugh despite being an introvert (of course), and that’s just when I am in the company of my true friends and loved ones. Extroverts who think they're the only ones being happy in this world just have to stop judging introverts.


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