Can't Cry Hard Enough

This song that I just used to hear on afternoons a few years back suddenly had a precious meaning to me an hour ago. I just learned that this special guy and I share the same feelings toward this song – we actually listen to this to cry our hearts out. This is one of our favorites. He actually memorized the lyrics.

Unfortunately, he couldn't sing it to me (for it is dancing which he is good at), so he asked me to sing it for him instead on the day we’ll meet. And that’s maybe after three months. We still have to wait for that long. He told me that maybe he would cry as I sing to him that song. After he said it, my mind wandered, maybe a little bit too far, because I imagined his head resting on my lap as I sit on a bench on a starry night as I sweetly sing to him and he is crying bitterly. As he is a man of few words, I wondered what he meant when he said that maybe he would cry as I sing to him that song. I wondered if it was just because of the emotional nature of the song, or the song would just help him in crying his heart out. I wondered if it was his overwhelming feelings for me that he’d cry out. Perhaps he’d be crying for joy that we would have finally met after almost a year of longing for each other. Or he may be crying because of satisfaction – that meeting me was worth the wait.

Anyway, I was just very glad to discover another thing in common between us. It’s not the song, but the way we get overly mushy and sentimental. I actually think that it’s sweet. I think we both love passionately, because he listens to this song whenever he gets frustrated with girls. No, it isn't bad at all; it’s just a sign that he loves deeply. It’s actually a good thing that we both love passionately.

Now, this song, from now on, will make me remember him whenever it plays. If possible, we could make this our theme song. But for now, this is just another precious thing about him that I’ll bury in my heart.

When a promise was made by two young hearts...

…would you faithfully hold on to it?

Isn't it very ridiculous to fall in love with a lad whom you haven’t even met? Isn’t it very idealistic to hold on to promises like, “Please don’t search for another lover. I will love you for the rest of my life.”? Admittedly, it was really very idealistic of me to do so. I love a man who’s miles apart from me. I love a man whom I don’t know personally. We gave in to our young whims and passion, and we based our love from an intense attraction – an attraction which cannot be explained by anything, except by destiny.

I am known for being romantic, impractical, and naive  especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. I was eleven then when I first experienced puppy love, as the old ones would call it, because of the young ages of the ones involved in it however intense their feelings are. I've had my first love, and second, third, fourth, and so on – that I've finally learned that true love couldn't be easily found, and that I have to kiss lots of frogs before I find my prince. I was constantly searching for true love when I should be paying attention to my studies. However, I thought that devoting one’s high school life to studies only would make that person dull, dull, and dull.

However, this lad is different. Okay, maybe not, for there are lots of handsome men with the same charms and masculinity as him, but the fact that we accidentally knew each other engraved in my mind that he may be the man of my dreams that I have always been mentioning in my prayers because of the cliche that everything happens for a reason. My senses tell me that he is perfect, and even his quirks are charming. Something tells me that he may be the one for me, because we have a lot in common. And, perhaps, we think of each other the same way. Yes, similarities breed attraction; and although I may have lots of similarities too with my ex-beaux, I feel like this guy is my other half.

Forgive this little lady for being too mushy, for love really makes humans corny. Love can make us do completely silly things. Because fate doesn't permit us to look into each other’s eyes yet, I do things to prepare for the future, like studying very well and taking care of my appearance. And because he didn’t want his promises to prevent me from enjoying my life, I entertain suitors but I’d certainly save my all for him. I can have many crushes, I can like someone back, but in the end, there’s only one that I want to love – and that is him. We can have all these college years for enjoyment and learning, and we’d just be surprised after how we would have become a full-grown man and a woman.

This is how powerful love is. We may be separated by distance and language barrier, but we still have this special feeling toward each other. The mystery of the future enchants us that we couldn't help sometimes but daydream about our future with each other. We don’t know if there would be sparks between us, but we firmly believe that there would be. There are lots of potential love interests around, but we still look forward to seeing each other. Each other’s physical presence may bring us peace of mind and bliss to our hopeful hearts.

Promises made by impulses of immaturity may not be counted on, but what keeps us holding on is the “love” to each other that we believe we feel. As time passes by quickly until the “right time” that we've always been waiting for comes, we will just have a little bit of faith, hope, and love to hold on to, and hopefully someday we’ll find the answers to our questions.

Mysteries during Sleep

Miracles and mysteries happen when we sleep. We are defenseless during our sleep, that’s why beings from the spiritual realm are active during nighttime. Maybe that is also why people are naturally afraid of the dark. We get afraid during the time when lots of people are already asleep. Our intuitions really don’t fail us, because whenever we feel creepy, there really is something creepy going on which may not be visible to our naked eyes.

Whenever I get a good sleep and I wake up happy in the morning, although it’s already noon, I feel like an angel (or angels, because some people surely didn’t ask for their angels’ protection before they sleep so they probably came to me), is responsible for this. While I am unconscious as the critical time for evil spirits to destroy humans during nighttime passes by, an angel may be lulling me to sleep while caressing my curly hair. My angel looks at my face as my visage reminds me of God, whom my angel is really serving. My angel couldn’t help but smile as he (I’m supposing he is male although angels are genderless.) observes the way I look harmless, the way I breathe, the way I sleep-talk, and maybe also the way I unintentionally let my pillows and blanket fall off my bed, because of the unconditional love that he also has for me. He came from a heavenly place which is full of love and bliss, and he may also be hoping that I’d be able to get into that place one day, and take an eternal rest from the struggles I have on earth.

I also know that he wouldn’t be equipped with a shield and a sword for nothing. There are times when I wake up having a mysterious cut or bruise on my face, arms, legs, or wherever. I know that I surely didn’t hurt myself while I sleep because I am a nail biter and my nails are really short. Perhaps an ugly evil creature tried to harm me while I sleep – by flinging his own massive body to mine which is obviously fragile (probably to paralyze me until I die), asphyxiating me by wringing my delicate neck (so I couldn’t produce a sound when I try to get help), or just glare at me the whole night so he could appear in my dream and make me paranoid and terrified when I wake up (If I’m still lucky to wake up). Or maybe the evil spirit just has long fingernails; and that, perhaps, caused my strange cuts and bruises. And my guardian angel possibly won the fight, because the evil spirit could only cut my skin, but my angel prevented him from killing me. These horrible creatures hate me with all their being because I look like my Father. I look like God. They hate God.
Some people love to sleep because they are lazy. Some people underestimate the value of sleep, and only get a few (like three or less) hours of sleep each day. I personally think that sleep was one of the gifts that God has bestowed his creations. Better things also happen while we sleep. Our body tissues repair and our cells regenerate. Our body heals itself. When we don’t get enough sleep, we poorly perform our daily activities and we become grouchy. When Adam fell asleep, God took a rib from him and he formed a woman named Eve. Thus, he had a companion who complemented him perfectly. That is another reason why I think sleep is just one of God’s ways to show us his love. I also noticed that I feel safe when I sleep. There is also a sense of peace after waking up – except of course, when we find out that we are already late for our first class in the morning.

I personally feel vulnerable when I lie in my bed despite the comfort. I lose the feeling of being a strong seventeen year-old girl and I feel like an innocent three year-old again. I think age is just a number, and it may just be parallel to the experiences we have in life, but we are still as innocent, gullible, and helpless as when we were little children. Whatever our ages may be, we still need affectionate touches and someone who would lull us to sleep; and although some people may be deprived of that, certainly angels are always there for their protection anytime and anywhere, if they’d realize that they need it and would ask for it.
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