Even though I am surrounded by people of all kinds, economic classes, and relationship statuses here in this "exciting" place full of diverseness and worldliness, I still feel alone. I feel lost. Even though almost two months of observation has passed, I still couldn't find people whom I can fully trust. I do trust people, in fact I am gullible and easily trusting, but I still don't know who my true friends are. I don't know, maybe I should go back to high school to meet them again. I made some mistakes in choosing people who can be trusted, and there are still lots of arrogant people out in the world who can't let you pass without being picked holes in.

Even though I already possess a teenage body ready to be a real woman in just a few years, I feel like I'm still a fragile little kid left alone in the cruel world without anyone to lean on, meeting sublime illusions of happiness that just makes this poor little kid frustrated later on. I feel like a naive little lassie trying to be independent just because she needs to, but can't really stand alone by herself. Innocent as she is, despite years of harsh experiences, she trusted few people whom she though she could trust, and loved them (though not always explicitly) with her whole heart. Only really few are those she really likes, and she expects them to love her as strongly as she does. She wants their full attention as much as a little kid desires the attention of her parents, but she gets little or nothing. No friend really likes her that deeply, and that makes her sad and unwanted. That makes her wonder what is wrong with her. That makes her listen to sad songs at night. That makes her talk to her guardian angel secretly. That makes her silently cry to sleep. Even her imagination isn't enough to console her.

Some people think they already know me just because they're acquainted with me. Some people think that I'm shallow as they think. Some people think that I'm being moody without any reason at all. Some people think that I'm as mean as I look. I am quite complex and full of contradictions. No wonder no one understands me. I'm not an attention whore, that's why I'm the quiet one in groups. I'm not a flirty guy-addict because if I am, I should have seduced every guy I encountered. Being quiet doesn't necessarily mean that I'm sad or mad - most of the time I'm just thinking. The truth is that no one can ever give an accurate description of me. NO ONE.

What I need in life are not overflowing knowledge, guys' admiration, wealth, pretty face, castles, chocolates, popularity, or success. I need someone (or some people) who can love me completely and unconditionally, and has a very great understanding and patience to satisfy the desire of my sensitive soul. I hate being misunderstood all the time. I'm just a coy six-year-old trapped in the body of a sixteen-year-old needing great love and attention, has a very delicate soul that needs to be handled with care, and has a complex character that only myself can understand. This misunderstood girl is just longing for someone who will love her truly, madly, and deeply for eternity.


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