Rainy Days

I hate rainy days. Whenever I wake up and I knew that it rained earlier, or it's currently raining, I always crave for more sleep. My body gets cold, especially my feet, so I tend to cuddle my pillow or teddy bear (or whatever it is that my hands can reach) and try to get another hour of slumber, not realizing that I might be late for classes. I know that many folks are like me who kind of dislike rainy days. I'd have to bring an umbrella and make my bag heavier later on. I'd accidentally get my feet wet too which feels really gross.

Actually, this is the main reason why I hate rainy days: The rain makes me less productive. Instead of getting many things done, it makes me feel tired for no reason and I would want to just sleep than do something worthwhile. The gloomy weather makes me feel gloomy too. I have read somewhere (and it's a psychological fact) that happiness inspires productivity. So there. I don't know why I have to be affected by the weather. It just makes me feel lazy, which I really am but I hate being that way.

What if it would still rain tomorrow? What am I gonna do now? That's something I still have to repair about myself. I do things according to my mood, and it has some disadvantages. Oh well. I really have to do some worthwhile things now, or else I wouldn't survive months later when I'll live in a university by myself. <3

I wanna be independent.

I wanna have my own laptop. I wanna have my own house. I wanna have my own EVERYTHING. Pretty much everything. I don't wanna depend on others. It makes them abuse you, just because you owe them something. They'll remember what they did for you, and may blackmail you for it. I don't want that. However, it's inevitable. They say that you can't trust anyone but yourself. Well, it's just so true. Even your most trusted friend can betray you. No one is forever safe. This life really pushes me to be a realist. They say that you need to be practical; but when practicality already comes to your head, I tell you - it really sucks. For me, realism is equivalent to pessimism. Maybe that's the reason why innocent children are always better than adults.

If only I could, I would be independent right at this moment. Based on my experience, people get kinda irritated when I ask help from them. Being dependent, it makes me feel stupid. I wanna do things on my own and upgrade the skills that I have to the highest level. I also get irritated at people who depend on me (which means that dependence on certain things is one quality that I hate about myself). Some people are just plain abusive. Some people ask me to do things for them ENDLESSLY maybe because they saw one time my kindness. Sorry, but that's just not who I am.

I wanna be independent. I wanna be powerful. I don't want others to step on me.

Success is the best revenge.

Yes, vengeance is not mine, I know. However, I must not live like a loser. To survive in this cruel world, one shall not be contented in who he is, what he knows, and what he is capable of. Humble geniuses aren't always recognized; those who show off and are a bit egotistical are the ones who end up being admired by the world. Although humility is a virtue, it can't always get you far. Although you know how great you are, you can always be stepped on by some self-absorbed monsters who think that they are better than you.

I was degraded, criticized, humiliated, and never appreciated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not into competition. I'm just fighting for survival. Nobody already gives a damn about the virtues of the innocent lambs. Being constantly criticized and humiliated hurts, and it makes me badly want to prove myself to the offenders. The wounds that they have inflicted upon my heart screams for justice. I will get up one day and crush them into pieces.

Forgiveness is hard to give without any apology. I plan to take a literature degree, even though it is an impractical course. I just want to follow my heart to bring happiness to myself. It is my specialty and field of interest, and I know that I will do well with it. After finishing it, I plan to go to a law school. I greatly believe that I can do it. When I become a successful lawyer, no one can ever ridicule me again. If ever they fell into dark fates, I can only look down on them with scornful eyes. Also, I promise that I will be prettier than Britney Spears that they'll regret criticizing my face. Brace yourselves because I will come back to make you pay. Thanks for provoking me. [Mars in Scorpio speaking]
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