Stranger in Her Own Home

She's a stranger in her own home - or maybe the people around her are the strangers. They treat each other more like acquaintances. You can't feel the presence of sweet love, joy, and peace. Yes, there is no love. What do you call a place with no love? It's hell, right? However, I am not saying that their house is inhabited by demons. There just lives a sensitive soul with a great desire of love and understanding, but no one in that four-cornered structure could give them to her. She has been living with them for sixteen years, but she still can't stand the coldness of their hearts. Maybe that's just the way they are, but she can NEVER be used to it. She really feels that she doesn't belong.

She somehow feels a trifle envy for those who can attain love in their homes. This girl has cold parents who only feels responsible for their children. Sometimes, in some certain situations, they think of themselves first before their children. She has a younger sister who is very secretive, and finds it hard to open up to her. She isn't close to her own family, although she constantly yearns for their affection. Her only ally there is her dear diary, who knows all her secrets and is the only one whom she can open up to, without any prejudices and criticisms.She can also feel the love of her dogs, which were only being shouted and kicked whenever she isn't there to protect them, because they're the only creatures in her home that can express their affections to her.

She badly wants to live independently to get rid of her hellish home. Her parents also want her to leave as soon as possible. What hurts is more is that her parents tend to swear, judge, criticize, degrade, and hurt her physically whenever they're angry and not apologize afterwards. She has a good memory, and all the times that she was abused by them is still fresh, and the wrath in her heart becomes greater too when they hurt her once more. She tries hard to forgive them but it is hard for her without hearing any apologies or explanations, because of the big pride that lurks in their hearts. The people whom she wants to depend on for anything doesn't even care for her so she looks for affection from other people.

She feels a bit of pity for herself, but most of her time is spent doing all that she wants just to forget this family problem that always breaks her heart and thinking of ways on how to prove people who criticizes and underestimates her that she is not a low-level doormat and that she can do things that aren't expected by them. She always makes a promise to herself that she won't make a home like this in the future and that she will remember her parents' faults to serve as a guide on how to treat her future children correctly, and rear them well. This girl with an ugly family background is me, and anyone with the almost same experiences knows how painful it feels.


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