Love Lessons I Learned During High School

My love life has always been complicated. Close friends of mine would surely agree. I definitely haven't experienced a fairytale ending yet, and although I have been whimsical in my different love stories, confusion has never left me. I can NEVER have a simple love story, and I don't know why. I wouldn't state all the chapters of my love book, but each chapter is extraordinary like the adventures of Alice in Wonderland.
  • Never ever assume. It's nice to find out that your crush likes you back, but don't give meaning to his every actions. There are different kinds of guys: the shy type, the flirty type, and the totally nice guy. Unless he tells you sincerely and straight in your face, you can never be sure. Sometimes we think that they're being too obvious in showing that they like us, but some guys are just too friendly or flirty.
  • Don't take crushes too seriously. It's enough that they occasionally put a smile on our faces but thinking about them every minute might make our feelings deeper for them. However, their melting smiles make it too hard for us, right? Yes, we can't control our feelings but don't make it known that you cried for them because it's just too lame.
  • Loving is never wrong. When you have finally been in love with someone who loves you back, feel free to love. Cherish every moment and express your affection. This one's safer than just crushing on someone, for there is a commitment. There is nothing better than giving and receiving love with a very special person. 
  • Don't make him the center of your world. More often than not, you aren't the center of his world too. There are too many interests to have, too many books to read, too many people to meet, etc. Treating him like an idol isn't good for you. If possible, flee from obsession. 
  • Don't be with a guy whom you don't really like, and don't fool yourself by thinking that you like a guy whom you haven't met yet. This can lead to problems. If you don't or can't love him, leave. Save yourself from psycho ex-boyfriends and creepy stalkers. 
  • Don't trust guys too easily. Sometimes, playing hard to get helps. Also, don't be assured that you're the only woman in his life. Be cautious of players. Don't be fooled by outside appearances.
  • Heartbreaks are normal. Do things that would help to heal your heart. Listen to sad love songs if you want. Cry until you can cry no more. Do not blame yourself. You can scream and cry until your eyeballs pop out but don't make it known like posting melodramatic statuses in Facebook. It's just too cheap and you may look like asking for others' sympathy. 
  • Don't decide right away whom you will marry. There are plenty of fishes in the sea. There are so many guys you are yet to meet. You will see someone who's better, believe me. I was once afraid to let go and move on because I thought that nobody can love me better.
  • You can forget that guy who broke your heart and won't leave your mind. Give others a chance. Being in love with another guy is a way to forget.
  • A relationship should be full of happiness, not pain. If pain is greater than happiness, leave.
  • Date a gentleman, not a super-hot egotistical douchebag. The right man knows how to respect and treat you the right way.
  • Don't give your heart away too easily. Be wise enough to know who is worthy of your affection.Know the real him before going steady. 
  • Even though you experience heartbreak many times, do not give up your hope of having a happy ending. 
  • Don't make yourself too available. Give him a chance to miss you. Remember that you are a lady. By not doing so, he'll pursue you less because you always make the first move.

Not Like a Useless Fart

Unlike other children who like much sleep and bacon
This little girl depends on her pencils and crayons
Though very artistic she possesses weak logic
And this cruel world makes her think that it's tragic.

Her insistent heart makes her want to break rules
The world's too strict, she thinks that they're all fools
Her eccentric mind open to all possibilities
Does not want them to belittle all her capabilities.

All that she wants is to freely express
No, don't misunderstand, she doesn't aim to impress
This little girl having eyes for beauty
Wants to prettify the world, 'cause that's her duty.

She has little time to think of crushes
For most of her lifetime is spent on paintbrushes
This little girl who wholly depends on art
Badly wants to prove that she's not like a useless fart.

Strength or Stupidity

Is holding on a sign of strength or stupidity?

I've always pondered about this thing, but until now I haven't come up with an answer. I've thought that holding on is foolish because I endure the pain despite the uncertainty regarding the reciprocity of my love, but letting go is foolish too because it isn't easy for me to trash our love story. Okay, maybe I'm really dimwitted. The heart must be hearkened more in the matters of love. Well, that's my belief. Even the seemingly perfect love stories contain heartaches. However, an adult advised me that a relationship shall have more bliss than grief. Gosh, I feel dizzy.

I don't know if I should listen now to my female instincts or completely ignore it because I might just be paranoid. Is a sixteen-year-old girl matured enough? I may love immaturely but I love way too much. I don't know what will happen when maturity comes to me. I might be too busy for love then and not be an attention whore anymore. Is this what guys want? If I get too busy, they will surely get enough space. Holding on and letting go is still too hard for me. If I could just go back to my mother's womb, I really would. I am still too sensitive and prone to crying over small heartaches.

You know what? I guess I'll stick to being stupid. I'll endure the pain that love gives to test my strength. I'm just beginning to learn how to love. I'm just beginning to understand the true nature of trust, understanding, and pure love. And when the time comes when we shall be officially apart, at least my relationship with him taught me many things along with the hardships. I am both strong and stupid.

Loving Solitude

Whenever I'm weary or stressed out, I always need a "me-time" to recharge. I really mean being alone, and a day isn't enough. I need weeks of being lazy, alone, and free to do whatever I want. I might play on the computer, blog, read novels, write stuff (for my blog or diary), just on my bed and think of anything, watch romance or tearjerker movies, listen to soft love songs, draw, paint, etc. I don't want any forms of communication to anybody, because I have to spend time with myself first. I'm not really a sociable person so I might go on like this forever except when another work needs to be done.

I am happier when I'm alone, and I feel more secure. There'll be no folks to hurt my sensitive soul by their sharp tongues and violent fists. When I grow older, I have to be independent. I just have to rely on myself because human beings are selfish. I just have to enhance my skills because the world gives no special place to worthless people. This is me saying no to conformity while still struggling to survive.

Unfortunately Freed

Trying to live happily with my smiles forced
I've a terrible feeling worse than a woman divorced
I am in great anguish though it's not really my fault
And not really blissful like a free running colt.

I have this motto of following my heart
And I don't want to begin all over from the start
Although I am a lady who cares about reputation
My pride shall not matter, I'll still give him my affection.

Although has been freed as a pretty white dove
This girl still holds on, this girl who truly loves
Not really caring about looking desperate
Constantly prays, though it's all up to fate.

My heart was touched, so there's no turning back
Drowned in misery 'cause it's your love that I lack
But do not worry, 'cause I'll never ever hate
You are the one, for you forever I will wait.

Lesson I've Learned in High School

They say that the high school life is the best part of our lives. Well, I cannot say that it is for now. It's bittersweet. It has brought me satisfying friendships and lots of arduous problems. But since the bad times dominated the good times, I must say that this isn't the best part of my life. However, it taught me lots of lessons in life:

  • Accept your quirks and uniqueness. 
  • Not everyone is going to like you even if you seem like a sinless saint, so don't even try pleasing everyone.
  • Stand up for what you believe in.
  • Don't be afraid to speak your mind especially if you know that you are right.
  • A true friend will be the one on your side when it seems like the whole world has forsaken you. 
  • Don't let anyone influence your decisions. You know what's right for you, and that is your life. 
  • Anything that is not done with love and passion will not yield good results. Follow your heart all the time.
  • Character is really more important than reputation. People who matter would care to look past your eyes to see the beautiful soul underneath.
  • It is important to engage in spirituality, and the best way to do this is to free yourself from the cages of religion.
  • Heartbreaks are normal.
  • Just because he doesn't like you back, it doesn't mean that you are ugly or unworthy of anything.
  • There are girls who have natural appeal, but the simple but unique ones are cuter. 
  • You must not be dependent on anything. You are not a kid anymore. The universe favors those who knows they can get for themselves whatever they desire.
  • There will be a special someone who will love you more than anything. Just wait and love yourself first.
  • Don't be in a hurry to grow up. Enjoy your youth while it lasts.
  • Anger and hatred will destroy you. Get over everything because more often than not, all people are just concerned about themselves.
  • Do not believe anything being said to you, especially lies covered in tones of assertion. Stupid people believe anything.
  • Older people are not always right.
  • It doesn't hurt to admit your mistakes. Amend your imperfections but don't even try to desire perfection. 

Stranger in Her Own Home

She's a stranger in her own home - or maybe the people around her are the strangers. They treat each other more like acquaintances. You can't feel the presence of sweet love, joy, and peace. Yes, there is no love. What do you call a place with no love? It's hell, right? However, I am not saying that their house is inhabited by demons. There just lives a sensitive soul with a great desire of love and understanding, but no one in that four-cornered structure could give them to her. She has been living with them for sixteen years, but she still can't stand the coldness of their hearts. Maybe that's just the way they are, but she can NEVER be used to it. She really feels that she doesn't belong.

She somehow feels a trifle envy for those who can attain love in their homes. This girl has cold parents who only feels responsible for their children. Sometimes, in some certain situations, they think of themselves first before their children. She has a younger sister who is very secretive, and finds it hard to open up to her. She isn't close to her own family, although she constantly yearns for their affection. Her only ally there is her dear diary, who knows all her secrets and is the only one whom she can open up to, without any prejudices and criticisms.She can also feel the love of her dogs, which were only being shouted and kicked whenever she isn't there to protect them, because they're the only creatures in her home that can express their affections to her.

She badly wants to live independently to get rid of her hellish home. Her parents also want her to leave as soon as possible. What hurts is more is that her parents tend to swear, judge, criticize, degrade, and hurt her physically whenever they're angry and not apologize afterwards. She has a good memory, and all the times that she was abused by them is still fresh, and the wrath in her heart becomes greater too when they hurt her once more. She tries hard to forgive them but it is hard for her without hearing any apologies or explanations, because of the big pride that lurks in their hearts. The people whom she wants to depend on for anything doesn't even care for her so she looks for affection from other people.

She feels a bit of pity for herself, but most of her time is spent doing all that she wants just to forget this family problem that always breaks her heart and thinking of ways on how to prove people who criticizes and underestimates her that she is not a low-level doormat and that she can do things that aren't expected by them. She always makes a promise to herself that she won't make a home like this in the future and that she will remember her parents' faults to serve as a guide on how to treat her future children correctly, and rear them well. This girl with an ugly family background is me, and anyone with the almost same experiences knows how painful it feels.

Not of the World

Sometimes I feel by the world I'm abhorred 
Spoken against by friends and forsaken
I have nothing to lean on but myself and the Lord
So I wish to disappear and by angels be taken.

To travel the path of the Man of Sorrows
Is lonely, weary, and so full of tears
And it seems like to hell I slowly burrow
But I won't fear because my Savior's always near.

To feel the presence but be unable to see
The divine beings who only have love for this lass
Makes me sad to be in this world that has no place for me
And beg My Father to make all these come to pass.

Now I'm completely sure that I am not of this world
Which always lures me but entirely detests
This petite girl with her dark locks curled
Will soon find her place in the Kingdom and rest.

Lost Innocence

I wish I could see the world through a child's eyes
Happiness always near, and forever carefree
I wish I haven't known hurt, betrayal and lies
Rainbows and flowery meadows are all I want to see
And a girl free to love is who I want to be.

I wish they haven't taken away my innocence
I wish I have retained my childlike simplicity
I want to be surrounded by a divine fence
And be a child protected from all iniquity
And long for nothing but the company of angels in eternity.

Creatures Who Love You More Than Themselves

Dogs are the best animals ever. Now I know why they are called man's best friend. Deciding that the rabbit is my favorite animal just because it's cute is superficial. I love dogs because they are the only kind of animals that loves you more that they love themselves. Next to God, they are the complete representation of love.

Dogs' characters are formed by the way they are reared by their masters. They're just like little children. They must not be treated like pets - they must be treated like friends. Close friends. Here are the reasons why I love my dogs so much:
  • They seem to be looking forward to my homecoming because they run to me when I reach home after I left them for several hours.
  • They amuse me by their silly actions.
  • They comfort me whenever I cry by coming to me and resting their heads 
  • They are always happy to see me and it's seen through their wiggly tails and smiling faces.
  • They are glad that they are adopted by me and they return that favor.
They're just so lovable. Sometimes I just get teary-eyed because of the realization that they are better companions than humans. Men can forsake, betray, and hurt me but I doubt that dogs can do those things to me. They may not communicate with me through words but their actions are enough to tell me that they love me. If they can only talk, I know that they would say comforting and happy words to express their love. Sometimes I think that they are sent by God for that purpose. I hope they really are.

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